DA-ZAM!

Here's a picture of Mariah from this week in New York, which I found at Mariahdaily.com. Ohhhhhh weeeeeeee! I am trying to hear that!

Kim K. In St. Louis

Last night one of my favorite celebrities graced my very own hometown and I didn't even know about it until it was too late. I'm slippin'. Kim Kardashian hosted a party at the new club called Home in the Ameristar Casino in St. Charles, which is about twenty minutes from my house. What a missed opportunity. Too bad it didn't happen, but I imagine the conversation between us would have gone something like this:

Hollywood: "What do you say we go to mi casa and do the loco thing?"
Kim K: (Stops in her tracks, pauses, does a 180 and walks back intrigued)
H: "Yo, can I knock the stuffin' off that Egg McMuffin? You got a phone number?"

Alright, alright, that obviously was a scene out of the movie Boyz N The Hood. But seriously, when hasn't the line "Can I knock the stuffin' off that Egg McMuffin?" not worked? I can't count the times that it's worked for me. Anyway, here's how the conversation really would have gone:

VIP Guy: "Mr. Hollywood, thanks for coming. Please let me introduce you to our host for the evening, the star of E!'s Keeping Up With The Kardashians-- Miss Kim Kardashian!"

Hollywood: "Nice to finally meet you!"

Kim K: : "Nice to meet you! I read Hollywood Nation every day! That was so nice of you to put me on your Top Ten Hottest Women In The World List!"

H: "Aw, you deserved it."

KK: "And I thought it was so sweet when you described my ass as being like two giant Christmas hams trapped in a tight dress. You have such a way with words!"

H (looking down nervously, giggling): "Yeah, uh, well, I do have a minor in journalism... uh, can I knock the stuffin' off that Egg McMuffin? SHIT!"

Well, on second thought, maybe I was better off staying home.

Lindsay's Back!

" Could it be I stayed away too long?"- The Jackson Five

After a long absence, good old Lindsay Lohan is back in the news with a vengeance. Earlier this week, her ex-boyfriend (the one that she met in rehab) gave the News of the World some salacious details about their relationship (oh yes, she's a bonafide freak). Now it's time for the clown to cash in: he allegedly is shopping around photos of her, some in various stages of undress. Damn, who saw this relationship ending badly? He 1) was scruffy looking, 2) wore Wu-Tang Clan shirts, 3) was a snowboarder and 4) she met him in rehab. Too bad there weren't any warning signs.

Uh, Oh

As if things weren't bad enough, it is being reported that Star Magazine claims that the 19 year-old boyfriend of Jamie Lynn Spears is not the babydaddy:

"But now Star magazine insists that the teenager may not be the dad - and that Spears’ friends and family think it is an older man who would face statutory rape charges. Friends have said that Jamie Lynn was no longer even seeing Casey - and family members told Star that they believe the real father is a much older executive at her children’s TV show ‘Zoey 101′."

“Casey is being paid off to be the family’s fall guy while the real father remains unidentified,” Star magazine insists. They say the real reason is that an older man could be charged with statutory rape if revealed to be the father of an under-aged girl’s baby."

Only in the Spears family. I don't know which is worse: that story or the story that was floating around that Lil' Romeo was the father. It's about a tie.

Merry Christmas

On behalf of the entire staff of Hollywood Nation, Merry Christmas!

WWE Tribute To The Troops

For 98% of the year, I'm humiliated at the very thought that people who I know are flipping channels, landing on wrestling programming, seeing such things as Leprechans walking through walls, CEOs blowing up in limos, food fights, etc. and imagining me sitting there watching this and going wild. Last night's annual WWE Tribute To The Troops show did not fall into that category. It was one of those few times in recent years that I was proud to be a wrestling fan. If you've never seen it, the WWE sends some of its crew to Iraq to put on a show, plus there are clips of the WWE stars mingling and signing autographs. The troops always seem so appreciative. The WWE always puts on a good show for them and everyone seems to have a good time. Props to our troops and props to WWE.

The Adventures of Mimi Live DVD

I went into my local Streetside Records/FYE a couple of weeks ago like a good Lamb to get the new Mariah Carey "Adventures of Mimi" DVD and they looked at me like I was insane. Then I found out that it was a Best Buy exclusive. So I made the thirty minute trip to the nearest location and picked up a copy. With a gift card that I had on hand, it only cost me a couple of bucks. That's neither here nor there. I watched it last week. Disc One is a live concert from last year's fantastic Adventures of Mimi tour. Disc Two is a couple of skits that I already saw online and a behind the scenes documentary that I haven't watched yet because, God bless her, but sometimes hearing Mimi chit-chat can be brutal. Anyway, instead of reviewing the DVD, here are highlights of my write-up from last year's tour when she made a stop in Chicago:

* * * * *

In 2003, I finally got a chance to see one of my favorite singers, Mariah Carey, live in concert when she played the Fox Theatre here in St. Louis. At the time, she was just getting over the Glitter/"Mariah Carey is absolutely nuts" phase of her career and the sales of her new album were struggling. Since that time, she's had a huge comeback as sales of the follow-up CD, "The Emancipation of Mimi", have gone through the roof and earned numerous awards. Now that she was back on top of the music industry, there was no way in the world that she was stepping in the state of Missouri for her latest concert tour. I checked and the nearest place she would be playing was Chicago. Then I had a bright idea-- don't I have a sister in Chicago that I need to visit? Which of course led us to see...

The Adventures of Mimi Tour
Mariah Carey
The Voice, The Hits, The Tour
United Center
Chicago, Illinois
Monday, September 11th, 2006

- We arrived at the United Center around 8. People were still filing in. The crowd was almost as diverse as an American Idol show. It was mostly 20 to 40 year olds and there were was an almost even mixture of blacks, whites, and Latinos. And you know the hoochies were out in force. Tell me this: what in the world makes a broad come out in public wearing a short white fur coat with booty shorts?

- The opening act was dancehall artist Sean Paul, best known for his hits "Temperature" and "Get Busy", which was once used in a hideous Hardee's commercial where a guy was dancing with a cow. The audience was really into him and he kept them hyped for his whole set.

- After Sean Paul finished, there was about a half hour to change the stage and suddenly the place went dark. The screens showed point-of-view footage of a roller coaster going around on a track. Mariah's voice narrated over the film: "Sometimes life can kinda be like a roller coaster ride...." Aw, here we go! Painful. Can we just cut through the B.S. and get to some short skirts and "Vision of Love"?

- Luckily, soon afterwards the opening strains of "It's Like That" began and Mariah herself emerged from the top of the stage. The crowd went wild. And folks, she came up to the mound throwing some serious heat. She was wearing a black bikini top and shorts that covered approximately 1/4 of her behind. It was the kind of stuff that makes a brother want to jump up and start singing "Creepin" by Luther Vandross. Unfortunately, she also had on this sheer cape thing that never allowed anyone to really get a solid look to see what was going on back there. I had been worried since a few weeks ago when the Crunk and Disorderly blog had posted a picture of her from earlier in the tour with the caption: "Mariah, would you like some syrup to go with that pancake ass?" That even hurt my feelings. Anyway, from the little I could see, things weren't totally flat yet.

- Back to the show, the second song of the evening was "Heartbreaker", which featured our first special guest of the evening, Chicago's very own Da Brat. This was followed by "Dreamlover", "My All" and "Shake It Off" (for which they brought down the giant lighted "MIMI" sign like in the video!). The funniest part was when she started singing over the beat for Biggy Smalls' "Juicy" and this Latino lady in front of us jumped out of her seat and went completely crazy.

- During the first of about three breaks that she took, DJ Clue rocked the crowd by playing bits of such hits as "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough" by Michael Jackson, "I Got Five On It" by The Luniz and the more recent "Shoulder Lean" by Young Dro and T.I. The crowd was mega-hyped for this. It was one of the highlights of the night.

- Next was the power ballad portion of the evening. Mariah returned to the stage wearing what was probably at one time an elegant yellow ball gown-- until she took the Hoochie Scissors to it. She reeled off three huge ballads in succession: "Vision of Love", "Fly Like A Bird", and the Jackson 5 remake of "I'll Be There". She hit all of the high notes and did all of the vocal gymnastics that have become her trademark. The crowd absolutely ate it up and she got a couple of standing ovations. She was joined on "I'll Be There" by her backup singer Trey Lorenz. This segment was probably the best of the night. After that, she left the stage to take another break. Trey took over and sang two Luther Vandross songs and his version of "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley. To his credit, he was able to hold the crowd's attention, which wasn't an easy feat, especially considering that he wasn't even wearing a bikini top and a cape.

- Part Three. The lights went out and psychedelic imagery showed on the screens. After about a minute or so the words "Keepin' it real, son" filled the arena and the face of the late Old Dirty Bastard a.k.a. The Osirus a.k.a. Big Baby Jesus appeared on the screen. It was the start of one Mariah's biggest hits, "Fantasy". The lights came back on and Mariah was now on a small square disco-type stage that was in the center of the arena floor. We wondered how she had magically appeared there. Incidentally, she was wearing some tight ass capri pants. The crowd loved the song and even though it is about ten years old, we sang to every word of ODB's rap in the song, including one of the best lines in rap history "me and Mariah go back like babies and pacifiers".

- She took a break from singing to address the crowd. She informed us that she "wears the tightest pants in the world" and that this was the last night for it. Aw, I bet she says that to all the cities. If this was indeed the last night however, I would like to offer a giant thank you.

- Also during this set, Da Brat joined her once again during "Always Be My Baby". Mariah left the square disco stage and walked through the crowd (with security in tow) and went back to the main stage. In the official Adventures of Mimi tour program it says, uh, I mean, I'm told it says "Why wouldn't I walk thru the audience? (Well, a friendly game of grabass immediately comes to mind). Hello! We're all just human beings having an experience together". I wonder if she really believes any of this stuff in the tour program? Surely someone else wrote it and she just laughed and signed off on it. Anyway, she performed my favorite Mimi song "Honey", so I was happy.

- Costume change time. More DJ Clue. A little bit of Ray Charles' "I Got A Woman" segued into Kanye West's "Golddigger". The crowd was as hyped as ever.

- With the capris returned safely to the hoochie side of the closet, presumably to never be seen again, Mariah emerged back on stage in another elegant dress, which could only mean one thing: more ballads. Since this show took place on 9/11, the 5th anniversary of the WTC bombings, she dedicated this portion to the victims and families. She addressed the crowd and said that she would like to express her "grievances" to the families. Uuuuuh, we know she meant. She knocked out "One Sweet Day" and "Hero". After a mini fake encore ceremony, she came back and sang "We Belong Together". Good night. Drive home safely. House lights. Parking lot.

- Verdict: Hot show, nice outfits, excellent singing. I think even my sister enjoyed it. If you only see one Mariah Carey concert this year, make sure it's The Adventures of Mimi Tour.

Survivor Lunch Lady Scandal

Shananigans! Turns out the tearful speech that the Lunch Lady gave at the Survior Reunion show was a sham. She was whining that since she went back to work, she was taken from her lunch lady job because she was a distraction to the kids and was made to clean toilets on a different shift. The story was so sad that CBS gave her $50,000 on the show. Turns out there were some holes in the story. According to school officials, the janitor job was a promotion and she ASKED for it because there was more pay and benefits. Whoops. After going on the CBS Morning Show and backpeddling, saying she didn't mean to mislead anyone (yeah, right) she donated the money to charity (which was probably CBS' way of letting her out of the situation and still saving face). I guess the Skinny Waitress Girl was right-- she was a loser in life. She had a chance to do be the best thing to happen to school lunch ladies since Adam Sandler and Chris Farley but she blew it.

Oh Hells No!

"I saw her sister, who really needs her ass kicked,

Only thirteen and already pregnant"--

Ice Cube from "Once Upon A Time In the Projects"

Well, at least she's sixteen. More trouble in the Spears family; unfortunately this doesn't involved shears or showing up fat for the MTV Awards. Britney's sixteen year old sister is pregnant. Even worse, the father is her 19 year old live-in boyfriend. What kind of parents are these? I don't care if she does have a TV show; why are her parents letting her live with her boyfriend? I bet they were the only ones shocked at this result too. Her parents should be dragged to the middle of the town square of their little village in Louisiana and whupped unmercifly by the locals. Yes, "whupped" with a "u". In addition to having to prepare her child for a lifetime of "you were a mistake" jokes, I would imagine that Jamie is also going to lose her job on the Nickelodeon show. These are business people. They can't have this tramp on the airwaves while they're trying to hock Dora the Explorer popcicles-- it ain't gonna work. Britney is going to be furious that the trainwreck crown has been temporarily stolen.

The Dark Knight Trailer

It's on and poppin':

On Top of the World

He's the number one man in our sport again. At Sunday night's Armaggedeon pay-per-view show, the one and only Edge (above) ran through Batista and The Undertaker to become the World Champion once again. Rejoice amongst yourselves!

Props

I belated shout-out to Madonna, who will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2008. What a story of inspiration: a little girl from Detroit with humble beginnings and a dream who became an American icon and developed an annoying English accent. It brings a tear to my eye. Congrats.

Survivor: China Finale

Survivor ended its latest season last night with a three hour special on CBS. When the smoke cleared, Todd the scheming flight attendant (above) beat the Kylie Minogue lookalike Amanda and Courtney the skeletal waitress. This will go down as the season of huge racks and the skinniest cast yet. James, the guy who had two immunity idols and played neither, was rewarded $100,000 in a fan poll for his stupidity. The most remarkable thing was how the contestants looked totally different at the reunion show. I didn't recognize the three finalists, espeically Courtney, who looked somewhat human on the live show.

At least now that the season has ended, Ashley Massaro can finally return to WWE. Since she left, her character has missed: the owner of the company blowing up, the owner of the company returning with the no explanation, the death of the company's greatest in-ring worker, the mysterious disappearance of her arch rival Kristal, the heart attack of the GM, and a new GM being named. That poor girl is going to be so confused.

Britney Update

The Human Trainwreck continues to roll on. Yesterday Britney was supposed to go to a court ordered deposition concerning the custody of her childern but she no-showed, allegedly because she got scared of the press that had gathered outside her house. I call bullshit. How come that never bothers her when she needs to go out to Starbucks, to shop for chandeliers or when its time to get all of her hair shaved off? It's far beyond the time to lock this young tramp up.

WWE Raw 15th Anniversary Show

WWE celebrated the 15th Anniversary of its flagship show, Monday Night Raw, on Monday with a fun three hour show that saw cameos from stars that haven't been around in awhile like Steve Austin, Mick Foley, Sunny, Marty Jannetty, Ted DiBiase, Dusty Rhodes and many others. Even though some of it was predictable (Bruce Mitchell of the Pro Wrestling Torch called it that Vince would name himself the greatest superstar of Raw then get beat up by everyone) it was still a good show. The effort paid off because they had their highest ratings since March. My favorite moments included:

- The return of Rob Van Dam!
- Seeing Sunny back on the national stage
- Realizing that Hornswoggle can't talk (I guess because he's short)
- The Godfather
- Molly!
- The battle royal with some of the older stars
- Edge coming out to reform Rated RKO
- Hogan coming out to kiss ass and pose with Hornswoggle
- Vince saying "I hate you"
- The clips of the old days
- The beer bash at the end

Great show, back to the same old crap next week.

Congratulations!

Props to Floyd "Money" Mayweather Jr. for knocking Ricky Hatton the F out on Saturday and retaining his title. Hatton got knocked out clean in the 10th round. Thanks for coming. That had to be a long, quiet flight back to England for Hatton and those fools that flew all the way over here to see him get trounced. Floyd was accompanied to the ring by some of his Dancing with the Stars cronies, including Race Car Guy and Mark Cuban, which wsa pretty damn funny. As good as the fight was, it wasn't the best fight of the night as the UFC put on a great show that same night with dudes just beating the hell out of each other. Then the Sports Gods evened things out the next day by giving us the worst football games of the year on Sunday. I was looking forward to the Steelers/Patriots game all week and by the 3rd quarter I was watching Mariah Carey sing "I'll Be There" on DVD. I guess you can't have everything.

Happy Anniversary!

Tonight is the three hour special to celebrate the 15th Anniversary of WWE Monday Night Raw. There are supposed to be appearances by a number of superstars from the past including Steve Austin, Sunny (above), Mick Foley and that clown Hulk Hogan in addition to the Evolution reunion and the McMahon Family portrait. That's a lineup almost worthy of missing Deal or No Deal.

Finally, PETA Does Something Worthwhile

Here is PETA's latest anti-fur ad, starring Eva Mendes. Damn, it makes you wanna go and throw out ya momma's fur coat.

Spice-Mania

Team Spice made their return to the U.S. airwaves last night with an appearance on the CBS Victoria's Secret Fashion Show special. They performed "Stop" (actually, I should say lip synced) to a standing ovation in the living room. During the taping a couple of weeks ago, they did one of their new songs also but for some reason it didn't make air. Also, a few days ago they began their world tour. I've heard mixed reviews but if you actually go to a show Spice Girls show, you pretty much know what you're getting into. I'm just happy that the reunion tour has actually happened. On a side note, props to Geri Halliwell/Ginger Spice (above left) for the hard work and weight loss but I liked her better when she was heavier. She should kick it at the Chinese buffet near my house for the weekend.

Coming: Summer 2008

Awwww, shit!

JLH Is Ticked

Jennifer Love Hewitt is angry about people's comments regarding the photos that were recently posted all around the internet which showed her on the beach while she was vacationing in Hawaii. Let's just say that the lighting and airbrushing from the Hanes ads were much more flattering to her bum than the beach pix.
Here's what she had to say on her official website:

"I've sat by in silence for a long time now about the way women's bodies are constantly scrutinized. To set the record straight, I'm not upset for me, but for all of the girls out there that are struggling with their body image. A size 2 is not fat! Nor will it ever be. And being a size 0 doesn't make you beautiful.

What I should be doing is celebrating some of the best days of my life and my engagement to the man of my dreams, instead of having to deal with photographers taking invasive pictures from bad angles. I know what I look like, and so do my friends and family. And like all women out there should, I love my body.

To all girls with butts, boobs, hips and a waist, put on a bikini -- put it on and stay strong."

Bless her little heart. Don't feel bad, Jennifer. A lot of people love a giant, unruly ass. After all, they're still letting Jennifer Lopez make movies. You're just what we call "thick" now; be proud of it and move on. I'm just still hoping for the cancellation of Ghost Whisperer so that you can fulfill your destiny and appear in Penthouse-- hopefully soon, before you get married and blow up completely.

Turning Point Results

Last night's Turning Point pay-per-view was a decent show. The best match was Gail Kim (above) vs. the nearly 300 pound Awesome Kong. The story of the match was that Kong was too much for Gail but Gail kept fighting back and threw everything but the kitchen sink at her and still it wasn't enough. Finally Kong presumably decided to kill her by choking her and the ref stepped in. Kong powerbombed the referee, leading to a DQ. Kong then laid out Angelina Love and Velvet Skye and left the ring with all four bodies laying out limp in the ring. The Wrestling Observer called this one of the most heated women's matches in decades.

Also, on Friday Ring of Honor put on an excellent PPV, main evented by an insane ladder match with the Briscoe Brothers over El Generico and Kevin Steene. The show was great from top to bottom and well worth the fifteen bones. Be sure to check this one out.

Must See TV

Good news for the star of my favorite movie, Elizabeth Berkley of Showgirls (a.k.a. Jessie from Saved By The Bell). She will be hosting her own reality show according to zap2it.com:

" ...it looks like Berkley will serve as host for the Bravo reality competition series "Step It Up and Dance." Formerly titled "Step It Up," the series will challenge contestants to master a diverse assortment of dance disciplines (not to be confused with "styles") including ballet, ballroom, burlesque and Broadway."

Why Berkley? Who cares, I'm just happy she's back in the spotlight. In addition, she also just received a recurring role on CSI:Miami. I couldn't be any happier. Actually if someone would come up with a good script for "Showgirls 2: Nomi's Revenge", I would be happier.

Britney, Here is Your Future

I kind of feel sorry for Tara Reid. But then again, I'm soft. And we thought she had hit rock bottom with Taradise.

Wrestling Stuff

Yesterday's Charlotte Observer gave an account of the Stevie Wonder concert that was held in Charlotte, North Carolina on Wednesday. I would have given anything to see this:

"After several love songs, the mood elevated with the Latin beat of "Don't You Worry 'Bout a Thing." In the audience, wrestler Ric Flair could be seen dancing to "Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'm Yours," even busting out into his signature in-ring dance at one point."

Wow, the two greatest entertainers ever in the same place, at the same time. Mentally, I don't know if I could have handled seeing this live. It would have been too overwhelming. Also, will somebody please contact WWE and ABC to get Flair on Dancing with the Stars? He would go all the way.

I was at the Total Nonstop Action Wrestling website yesterday when its daily internet show popped on. Before I could hit mute, I found out that the women's champ, Gail Kim (above) is listed at #32 on the Forbes.com list of Most Eligible Bachelorettes in the U.S. Props to Ms. Kim. If she's looking for a man with a steady job, a benefits package and his own blog, send her on over to Hazelwood.


According to the U.K.'s Sun newspaper, hot mess/singer Amy Winehouse was a huge WWE fan before hitting it big. Her favorite wrestlers were Chris Jericho and Rob Van Dam. They must be thrilled. Maybe she can train to be a wrestler when her career ends in about three months.

Britney Update

Remember back in the days when Britney's biggest problem was that sometimes she dressed as an erotic police officer and had chunky legs? Ahhh, the good old days.

Thangs done changed. Here's some of the latest:

- According to an article at Us Magazine, the young harlot rolled into a Hustler Store in West Hollywood last week (possibly high), tried to try on some draws and was denied, then took off her own underwear in the middle of the store-- in front of customers-- and tried on some shorts. After this spectacle, she was annoyed that she had to pay and as revenge, she stole a wig off of a mannequin. They would have locked Lil' Kim under the jail for this type of shit. Her brain must be so fried right now. She's like a homeless maniac with good credit.

- She shot a new music video earlier this week. She was late, nervous and allegedly used a body double for all the scenes that didn't need her face. I have a feeling this won't be the next "I'm A Slave 4 U".

- In Touch Weekly reported that she was pregnant. Let's all get in a circle, hold hands, and pray that isn't true.

- After just one month, her latest CD has sunk to #41. Compared to her earlier sales, this is a flop.

- Most people don't have this much drama packed into one year, let alone one week. Her family needs to stage an intervention like yesterday. Or maybe just a really stern, good old fashioned, back of the hand, 360 degree pimp slap, preferably like the one Prince gave to Apollonia in Purple Rain. That usually snaps people right out of it. She'd be back to doing good songs and flawless choreography in two days.

Dancing with the Stars Results

Some guy in a bright yellow suit and questionable chicklets won Dancing with the Stars last night. The staff of Hollywood Nation had Scary Spice (above) ahead by about 80 points on our scorecard, but of course, we are a tad biased. So just like Stacy Keibler a few seasons ago, she can take solace in the fact that she is The Hollywood Nation Dancing with Stars Champion. Other notes:

- The best moment of the show was Scary Spice entering the stage to Ric Flair's theme song. If she had been carrying a pizza, that would have been like combining all of my favorite things.

- It was good to see the clips of the Spice Girls and all of the nice things that they had to say about Scary, but wasn't it just last year when they all hated each other?

- Speaking of the Spice Girls, did you ever see that time when Ginger Spice arm wrestled Kylie Minogue? This is why they invented computers:

What was I talking about?

- At least Marie Osmond didn't win. We would have had to hear Donny talking shit for years.

- You just know that when they read the final results, somewhere in California Eddie Murphy (wearing his Gumby outfit) leaped out of his chair and cheered like his favorite team had just won the Super Bowl.

Dancing With The Stars

Last night was the finals of Dancing with the Stars and it was all about Scary Spice (although in fairness, Race Car Guy did okay also). She did two solid routines and got the highest scores from the judges. Best of all, the Spice Girls were in the audience! Royalty! Yes, even Baby Spice was there! This was even better than last year when half of the 90210 cast showed up to support Steve Sanders. Marie Osmond did a goofy dance where she was supposed to be doll, which flopped miserably. It was just bad enough to leave this show's credibility in tatters when she actually wins this thing tonight.

Hogan Divorce/Flair Return

The Hogan divorce continues to make news. And as usual with Hulk Hogan, you don't know what to believe. According to a report at tmz.com, Linda did file for divorce but says she wants a reconciliation. Yeah. Other reports claim that the couple has been seperated for some time. According to documents, she is asking for a share of their houses, alimony, child support for their maniac son, court costs, and most of the NWO money. In other words, HALF. You just know this is going to end up being some wrestling angle where she turns heel and comes out with "Macho Man" Randy Savage to set up a grudge match feud with Hulk on pay-per-view.

In happier wrestling news, Ric Flair did indeed return last night to the flagship, Monday Night Raw. They began the angle that will allegedly lead to his real-life retirement, where he will have to retire after the next match that he loses. He had a good main event match and pinned Hazelwood's own Randy Orton with the Greco-Roman low blow (above). If done correctly, this should be a good storyline leading up until next year's biggest show, WrestleMania, in March. I'll bet good money that they will botch this somehow, because it's too good to be true.

Jay Mohr on The Jim Rome Show

One of the funniest things that I've heard in awhile happened on Friday when actor Jay Mohr filled in as a guest host on the Jim Rome Show. He ripped on his haters, himself ("that joke was as lame as FDR's legs"), the University of Hawaii's football team, a blind caller ("how do you know when to stop wiping?"), Kim Kardashian ("a normal size girl with an ass the size of Nell Carter's"), and the TV Guide Channel, among other things. He then ended the three hour laughfest by calling the city of Irvine, California the whitest city he has ever been in. He said it was so white that he went to the airport and even the skycaps were white. Incredible.

The Champ Returns Tonight!

Don't forget! Tonight! It's the return of the "Nature Boy" Ric Flair!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOO!

HALF!

Things are getting worse for the Hogans. According to several online reports, Linda Hogan filed for divorce from Thunderlips on Tuesday. Worse yet, Hulk allegedly didn't even know about it until Friday. I don't even know how I feel about all of this. See, I have a love/hate relationship with Hulk Hogan that would take an entire book to explain. At some points he has been one of my favorite wrestlers of all-time; at other times, I have issues a grandstand challenge that if I ever see him in public, we would be fighting right on the street. When I think back to all of those $30 pay-per-main events where I paid good money to see this clown fake scratch Roddy Piper's back, I don't feel so bad that half of that money is about to go to his goofy wife. Then again, maybe this is all for publicity and they will work it out on American Gladiators or the next season of Hogan Knows Best. Regardless, there should be some interesting times ahead. Maybe he can get in a counseling group with The Rock and Ric Flair.

Happy Thanksgiving!

From Hollywood Nation, Layla and Kelly Kelly, we wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving!

Oprah's Favorite Things

Yesterday was the annual episode of one of the finest hours of TV each year, Oprah's Favorite Things, where Oprah gives the entire audience things that she just can't live without. There's nothing like seeing an audience full of women going absolutely batshit crazy as Oprah brings out some sixty dollar cupcakes. She also gave out watches, a Scrabble game, cookware, a Josh Grobin CD, and an $800 movie box set among other things. The big item this year was a $3000 fridge with a TV set in it (like the one above). As Oprah explained that it also had a DVD hook-up, they cut to a lady who had an expression on her face like her life was now complete because she now had the ability to watch Norbit while reaching for leftovers.

Sometimes I wonder, if Hollywood Nation had a TV show, what would I give away on my Favorite Things episode? I'm sure the list would include the following: a box of Lemonheads, Ice Cube's "Amerikkka's Most Wanted" CD, the Mariah Carey Vote or Die poster, Chris Jericho's "Around the World In Spandex" book, a Tully Blanchard Classic Superstars action figure, bacon, and the American Pimp DVD.

Dancing with the Stars Results

Despite having the best dance of the week, Kelly Taylor from 90210 was cut from Dancing with the Stars last night. I can't believe that Marie Osmond advanced to the finals next week while poor Kelly is gone-- after all, Kelly is waaaaaay hotter. I am dreading next week-- there is no way Scary Spice is going to win this thing.

Dancing with the Stars

Great edition of Dancing with the Stars last night. Of course it was highlighted by an appearance by the Spice Girls. Who doesn't love them? I can't even choose a favorite. All of them are about 50 years old now and still adorable. Oh yeah, there was dancing too. They can send the race car guy home and they can send Marie, Donny, Jimmy and the rest of them home while they are at it. It's all about Kelly Taylor and Scary Spice. Let them battle it out next week in the finals. Unfortunately, I'm not running this thing so I think we might see a slightly different result tonight.

Did You Break The Code?

After weeks of mysterious clues and videos, last night on WWE Raw saw the return of the most charasmatic showman to ever enter your home via a television screen, Chris Jericho.

It was still a surprise despite several sources reporting that he was coming back soon. One give away: just hours before the show, the new WWE Magazine arrived with a cover story of Chris Jericho's electrifying return. Good job keeping it a secret. Anyway, glad to see him back on top, especially as a main eventer, before he inevitably gets buried by the ass-kissers in the back and returns to the mid-card.

Random Thoughts on the American Music Awards

Oh yes, it's time for the American Music Awards again. Fergie started the show off with a medley of about five of the most annoying songs of the year. Thank God for tight, sparkly dresses. Will I. Am performed as well, followed by the girl from the Pussycat Dolls who went solo. The sparkly dress did not save her performance because it was not tight.

Jimmy Kimmel was the host for the night and made the first writer's strike joke of the evening. Apparently all of his material was ad-libbed. He invited Jordin Sparks and Kellie Pickler of American Idol onstage to do the Soulja Boy dance. It was kind of funny.

Carrie Underwood presented the first award of the night, which went to Daughtry for the Breakthrough Artist of the Year. This thing is slowly starting to look like an American Idol reunion show.

Avril... Rascal Flatts... Maroon 5, moving on...

Jordin Sparks brought out the Jonas Brothers (?). A bunch of girls rushed the staged. Alas, this fell victim to the fast forward button.

...until, Jimmy Kimmel referenced that one of them fell down. I went back to watch and indeed one of the group members fell down upon hitting the stage. I was pressed for time and still watched this three times.

Best soundtrack went to High School Musical. Some of the cast members came out to accept. I recognized one of them from Dancing with the Stars and one of them for being naked on every gossip site on the internet.

In a strange match-up, country group Sugarland performed the song "Irreplaceable" with Beyonce. This was weird but good. I can't get "you must not know 'bout me" in that country twang out of my head.

Daughtry and Carrie Underwood were winning just about every other award. Idol is running away with this thing.

Celine Dion performed. Fast forward. You know I don't get down like that. Lenny Kravitz also did a new song that will be played to death over the course of the next year.

A commercial aired with Barry Manilow in it, giving me the chance to make my yearly "Barry Manilow looks like Barbara Walters" joke.

In the bad timing department, an old clip of Eddie Murphy aired right before Scary Spice hit the stage along with Kelly Taylor and the race car driver from Dancing with the Stars. They introduced Chris Brown. He danced. I had to fast forward-- hey, I also need to fit in hours of Survivor Series analysis tonight as well.

"Hannah Montana" made an appearance. I accidentally saw about ten minutes of her show a few weeks ago. It was as dreadful as I had predicted. Carrie Underwood won for something and Daughtry won the very next award.

Next was the best performace of the night from Alicia Keys. She did her new song then she brought out mid-90's reggae stars Chaka Demus and Pliers and Beenie Man. It was surreal. What, were Patra and Shabba Ranks not available? Alicia even did some choreographed dance moves. This was phenominal.

Duran Duran did their new song, blah, blah, blah, then went into "HUNGRY LIKE THE WOLF". Now this is what the people wanted to hear! Stick to the classics, fellas!

Carrie Underwood won for best country album. She said "if anyone had ever told me that I would have been presented an award by Slash and Scott Weiland, I would have never believed it". The camera cut to them and they looked like they would have rather been in Iceland.

Beyonce won an image award. We should all strive to be more like her.

MJB did her new song (see: Duran Duran), Latifah sang (does she even rap anymore?), Daughtery performed last, then Fergie won the last award for best rock female to end the show and that was that. Not bad a bad show but I was thankful that I watched it on tape delay.

Pix From Lori Light's Going Away Party

From Friday night at J. Buck's downtown:

Paddy McPhillips and the Woman of the Hour

Cecil Corbett and Randy Jackson

The Two Joe's: Eickmeier and Young

Cecil Corbett, Steve Jankowski and Dan Eyrich

Linda Williams and Jim Tuxbury

Congratulations

Props to TNA Wrestling for finally putting a fresh face in a World Title match. Last night on Impact, Kurt Angle defended (and retained) the World Title against Frankie "Kaz" Kazarian (above, who my boy Heavy Lunch said looks like a cross between Antonio Banderas and the evil karate instructor from Karate Kid 3). Kaz did a great job in his most high profile match to date and held up his end of the match against one of the top stars in the business. See, they finally pushed a new guy and it was a good match, the fans were into it, the ratings didn't crash (probably) and no one got hurt. No harm done! Maybe this will be the new trend. Also, it was refreshing to not see Angle and his wife arguing for twenty segments on the show. Are these people ever happy?

Lindsay In Jail

With Britney screwing up left and right, it seems like almost years since we've talked about her contemporary Lindsay Lohan. However she was back in the news yesterday after serving a staggering 84 minute stay in the hole for one of her DUI offenses. You just know that before its all said and done, Britney will be serving time too, just so she won't be shown up. I guess that's the new status symbol for young Hollywood females. It used to be Gucci purses and BMWs; now it's orange jumpsuits and being served mashed potatoes out of a ladle.

CD Review: Alicia Keys "As I Am"

It's dope. Pick it up.

Yo, I Tell Ya What I Want, What I Really Really Want

The new Spice Girls Greatest Hits CD (with two new songs) was released yesterday, exclusively at Victoria's Secret. Granted, you may have to suffer the indignity of being a grown ass man carrying around a little pink bag around the mall, but sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the sake of your record collection.