Guess Who's Coming To WWE...

This just in: The nation's most famous skank is invading the sacred world of professional wrestling. And it is taking place in the hometown of Hollywood Nation no less. According to several online reports, Jersey Shore's Snooki will be the guest star of next week's WWE Monday Night Raw in St. Louis. I'm actually looking forward to this for the entertainment value. On the flip side of this, you just know one of the wrestlers is going to hit that and end up burning. In the interest of time, I am providing these convenient links for local free clinics and urgent health care facilities here in town so the WWE Superstars don't have to go fumbling through the phone book when it's all said and done. You're welcome.

(Photo from rollingstone.com)

Britney, Here is Your Future

I kind of feel sorry for Tara Reid. But then again, I'm soft. And we thought she had hit rock bottom with Taradise.

I Missed It

I fell asleep Sunday night after the Bound For Glory wrestling show, thus missing the debut of Kim Kardashian's reality show on the E! Network. Hopefully I will catch one of the repeats. However, just in time for Christmas, Vivid Video has announced that they have another celebrity sex tape of her that they might be releasing soon. Damn, this girl gets arizzound. If you think this might be a gratuitous post just to put up a picture of that giant badonka, well, you might very well be correct.

Rock Of Love Reunion

There's nothing like a good reality show reunion; a chance for the network to eek out one more bit of humiliation from the participants. Sunday's Rock of Love reunion on VH-1 was no exception. It was hosted by Ricki Rachtman of Headbanger's Ball fame. I automatically had flashbacks of Cinderella and Ratt videos. Throughout the show he had a lock on Bret Michaels' jock like a pit bull. Anyway, they paraded the young skizanks out one by one and they explained their actions from the season. Nothing really earthshattering. The funniest moment was when the lead heel, Lacey, defended herself and said that at least she never turned up on a porn site, then they immediately cut to Brandi M., who in fact, did turn up on a porn site. Classic. If any of these girls is going to get a spin-off series, it will probably be Lacey. Although she was the most hated, she was also the most compelling. Who wouldn't want to see her try to persue a music career with that wretched voice? It's guaranteed comedy gold.

Dallas revealed that she doesn't date black men. In the words of the great N.W.A., that's one less bitch I gotta worry about. Poor Rodeo pathetically came out and virtually begged for a second chance from Bret. I like how he made up that story about sending her home so she could be with her little boy. In actuality, you know he just didn't want her to cut his ass from A to Z with the razor that she probably has taped under her shoe. I loved one of my co-worker's theory that Heather's lame "Bret Sucks" tattoo was actually real but when the crowd turned on her she quickly said "it's fake, it's fake!" Regardless, she still has a tattoo that says "Bret" on her neck. Then in typical VH-1 fashion, they brought out Jes at the end for about three minutes to gloss over the fact that her and Bret aren't together (so there can be a second season). It's just like after every season of Flavor of Love where the "winner" says "uh, it didn't work out but we'll always be homies!" or some nonsense like that. Anwyay, why would they keep them apart for six months? Jes bascially pawned Bret off to Heather, as if she woke up and realized "I don't want to settle down with this old ass man with obvious hair issues! Yuck! I'm 23 and still need to get my freak on!" Great ending. Can't wait for the next season.

Will You Rock My World?

Rock of Love: Week Two. The verdict? Phenominal. This week's show centered around Erin (above) and the efforts of the rest of the girls to get her booted from the house. She may or may not have a fiance back home; she denied it, but she probably does. At the very least, we know she has a brass pole waiting back home. The rest of the girls were cracking on her oversized implants and couldn't wait to get her ousted. Jealousy! Erin got a good crack on one of the girls by saying the girl was good looking-- in the meth world. Nice! This show takes me back to the 80's and high school. In fact, one of the girls even declared that her and her friends were the varsity group and the other girls were the j.v. squad.



The only problem that I have with the show is that I can't tell most of these yamps apart. I can distinguish about four girls: Erin (the one with the biggest boobs), the black girl, the personal trainer lady, and the hideous one with the tattoos. The rest are pretty much interchangeable. Still, they are hanging in there with their Flavor of Love counterparts for pure entertainment and trashiness. And really, that's all that matters.

And The Winner Is...

Wow! The season finale of Charm School wasn't exactly what I thought it would be. Instead of the yelling, name-calling and backstabbing that we have come to know and love, we got tears, compasion, redemption, and forgiveness. In the end, Saaphyri (above, who once prayed to the Lord that she wouldn't have to beat someone's ass) had reformed the most and beat out Leilene The Stripper to win the $50,000. The show was a bit dissappointing without all of the cattiness, but rest assured, it will be back in full force for the reunion show next week, which I wouldn't miss for anything.

Throughout the show they kept previewing VH-1's upcoming shows including the new season of Hogan Knows Best, which will be built around the Hogan's fake divorce talk. Probably the wrong week to show clips of a big pumped up wrestler arguing with his wife. I hope this season will address daughter Brooke's obsession with trying to get the ridiculous look below over as some sort of fashion trend. This is like the the third time she has been photographed in this travesty. Wait, is that the Mom or the daughter?
I also saw the extended preview for Rock of Love, the latest Flavor of Love spin-off. Just phenominal. It would take an army to keep me away from watching this show. It looks like we are in for a season of skank-a-licious fun. Ten dollars says that the sassy black girl gets voted off first.

First Look: The Rock of Love Cast

Courtesy of tmz.com, here is a cast photo of VH-1's "Rock of Love",which is the white version of "Flavor of Love" that will star Poison lead singer Bret Michaels, starting next month. Let's see: the lead singer of an 80's hair band, 20 skanks, liquor, and a big house. Yeah, go ahead and put me down for it.

Firecrotch Is Off The Chain

According to an interview with Lindsay Lohan's former bodyguard in the News of the World, Your Girl is far worse off than I could have imagined. Highlights from the interview with Lee Weaver include:



"I have looked after some of the wildest stars in Hollywood — but never anyone as out of control as Lindsay is," says Lee, 48. "She had a total death wish and took more drugs and drank more than anyone I've met. I lost count of the times I thought she was overdosing and had to carry her out of parties. Every morning I'd breathe a sigh of relief she was still alive."



"In April she asked me to take her to her dealer in Beverly Hills. I knew if I refused she'd go alone — so I took her. He was waiting for her in some bushes. Suddenly she started screaming and punching him for selling her short. He pulled a gun. I got out and he threatened to shoot me unless I got her to back off — but she kept hitting him. Luckily he got distracted and I punched him down. I dragged Lindsay into the car and drove off but she was screaming at me to go back. It was like Pulp Fiction. I knew then she was just too dangerous to be around."



"She used boys for drugs and girls for thrills," says Lee. "I lost count of the women she took back to her hotel room from clubs. I even saw her try to grope Mariah Carey's bottom and boobs one night as they danced. One time I went to look for her in a club bathroom and found her in the corner French-kissing a girl."

WOW! Pardon my language, but that's one bad bitch. I can't hang with her. I'm down with the Mariah thing however.

The Greatest TV Show EVER!

I had to catch the morning version of the show because there was no way that I could wait all the way until the evening showing. This show is like a precious jewel. Each episode is like a solid gold bar. Clearly (at least to me) it is the greatest show ever to grace a television set. If there was any thought that the show was going to suffer once the lead heel Larissa was gone, those fears were erased in the first five minutes. There was still nothing but drama. I can kind of see a pattern with the show; when the episode is centered around one of the skanks, er, hoochies, uh, women, it seems that they are going home that very episode. Today was no different. In this edition, the girls were taught about the different types of men that are out there (players, convicts, career men, etc.) and then had a "prom" to try to find the one good man. Whichever girl picked the good man at the end of the competition won an exemption for the week.

This is when the show got great. Your girl Brooke/Pumkin (above), who had been doing so well all season, just went apeshit when faced with the grape. The girl got a little liquor in her and just LOST it. When she was talking with the massage guy, he told her that he massaged necks, backs, feet, toes, etc. and then she piped in with "vaginas?". I about died on the basement floor. You're not going to see this kind of stuff on CSI. She was totally sprung on the convict guy. She got freaked down on the dance floor. She asked one guy "do you **** or make love?" She drank out of an ice sculpture in the most lewd way possible. It was all so great. This show is like a giant televised diamond. Then when the convict (he served an 8 year bid!) was talking about Brooke's boobs, saying they were a handful and he didn't like them bigger because then they would have stretch marks, Saaphyri just went ballistic! She jumped all over that brother. They were trading insults and he even went back into the Sanford and Son archives and said that she should stick her face in some dough and make some gorilla cookies. It was great. Afterwards, the girls had to find the one "good" guy and of course they all failed miserably, meaning everyone was on the block this week. When it was all said and done, one of the judges inadvertently called Brooke "a pig" and Mo'nique called her a "slut" and "The Whore of Charm School". She was cut. Then came the waterworks and even I felt bad for her (of course, I'm a "Pushover"). Then she flashed her boobs. I can't remember, did I mention anything about Charm School being the greatest show ever created?

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And if anyone thinks anything about the show is on the level, below is a picture of "rivals" New York and Pumkin. Oh yeah, they really hate each other!

Television's Finest Hour

Have I ever mentioned that Flavor of Love: Charm School is the best show on TV? Oh yeah, about 18 times. Last weekend's episode was no exception. This show was built around finding out who really stole The Stripper's picture. It begged the question "why not look at the tape?", but why let logic get in the way of a great plot? It was finally discovered that the lead bad guy, Larissa/Bootz (above) did it, so Bootz got the boot. Even though the main antagonist is gone, don't worry-- there is much more drama to come. Next week, they bring some guys over to the house and the girls have to find the one legit guy in the group. They had clips of "Pumkin" drinking out of a fountain, grinding on some fellow, and asking a guy if he preferred to "**** or make love", while someone commentated that she was a disgrace to her mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. Yes, she is. By the way, I LOVE THIS SHOW.

That's...Not So Hot

Even though Paris Hilton went to jail yesterday, that wasn't her most humiliating moment of the weekend. Check out this clip from Sunday's MTV Movie Awards where Sarah Silverman just cracks on the poor girl-- who was sitting in the audience and had to take it. Damn, even I almost felt bad for her. Almost.

Is This Still On?

I received word from my good friend Mrs. Johnson that The Simple Life, the reality show starring Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, was still on the air on the E! Network. As fate would have it, a repeat of the season premiere was on as I was flipping channels yestereday, so I stopped and watched. This season deals with the girls becoming camp counselors. The show started with a recap of last season, when the girls still hated each other, thus participated seperately. Apparently at the end of the season, they were tricked (what mastermind was able to get one over on those two geniuses?) and ended up in the same place. They still couldn't get along though.

Cut to this season. Paris was informed by her mother that it was Nicole's birthday and suggested that Paris give her a call. They cut to Nicole gossiping with some other broad and answering Paris' call ("is this really you?"). Paris wished Nicole a happy birthday and said that she missed her and wanted her back in her life. Oh, man. If they were getting it on, I might have actually stayed with it.

The whole problem though was that all of this was so contrived and you could clearly see that it was scripted and that they were acting. It was like one of those backstage skits on WWE Raw where the wrestlers behave like no one actually does in really life, meanwhile they are oblivious to the fact that there is a big camera right there broadcasting everything they say to millions. Also, the episode of Good Times where Thelma was going to marry Larry the mechanic was on, and I wasn't about to miss that. So yeah, I gave up on The Surreal Life after about five minutes. However, I do plan to try to catch it again and stick with it, just so I can see what these young tramps are up to now. Stay tuned.

Young Skanks On Parade

Our favorite drunk is at it again. According to several reports, Firecrotch (above) was arrested last night in Beverly Hills on suspicion of driving under the influence. In addition, cocaine was found in the car, although it might not be hers. Somebody needs to get this yamp a copy of Brand Nubian's "Slow Down", pronto. She's not only a danger to herself, but now she is a danger to society itself. I tell ya, this girl is probably outside of a beauty show right now, sobbing in the car, preparing to get her head shaved. All this girl needs is some guidance, some positive attention and a stern pimp slap from Kenny Red. She'd be on the straight and narrow in no time.

Above is the cover of the latest Blender magazine, which arrived in the mailbox last week. Isn't this the height of arrogance? Avril Lavigne thinks she's hot? Oh hells no! Why is this broad on the cover of my favorite magazine talking about she is hot, meanwhile she's out there looking like Ghost Rider? Amazing.