Rock Of Love Reunion

There's nothing like a good reality show reunion; a chance for the network to eek out one more bit of humiliation from the participants. Sunday's Rock of Love reunion on VH-1 was no exception. It was hosted by Ricki Rachtman of Headbanger's Ball fame. I automatically had flashbacks of Cinderella and Ratt videos. Throughout the show he had a lock on Bret Michaels' jock like a pit bull. Anyway, they paraded the young skizanks out one by one and they explained their actions from the season. Nothing really earthshattering. The funniest moment was when the lead heel, Lacey, defended herself and said that at least she never turned up on a porn site, then they immediately cut to Brandi M., who in fact, did turn up on a porn site. Classic. If any of these girls is going to get a spin-off series, it will probably be Lacey. Although she was the most hated, she was also the most compelling. Who wouldn't want to see her try to persue a music career with that wretched voice? It's guaranteed comedy gold.

Dallas revealed that she doesn't date black men. In the words of the great N.W.A., that's one less bitch I gotta worry about. Poor Rodeo pathetically came out and virtually begged for a second chance from Bret. I like how he made up that story about sending her home so she could be with her little boy. In actuality, you know he just didn't want her to cut his ass from A to Z with the razor that she probably has taped under her shoe. I loved one of my co-worker's theory that Heather's lame "Bret Sucks" tattoo was actually real but when the crowd turned on her she quickly said "it's fake, it's fake!" Regardless, she still has a tattoo that says "Bret" on her neck. Then in typical VH-1 fashion, they brought out Jes at the end for about three minutes to gloss over the fact that her and Bret aren't together (so there can be a second season). It's just like after every season of Flavor of Love where the "winner" says "uh, it didn't work out but we'll always be homies!" or some nonsense like that. Anwyay, why would they keep them apart for six months? Jes bascially pawned Bret off to Heather, as if she woke up and realized "I don't want to settle down with this old ass man with obvious hair issues! Yuck! I'm 23 and still need to get my freak on!" Great ending. Can't wait for the next season.