Dancing Queen?

According to a report at perezhilton.com, Dancing with the Stars is negotiating to get the one and only Kim Kardashian for their season that starts in September. How phenominal would that be? I'm ready to declare it the greatest season ever already. Plus, I still have the weird feeling that Ric Flair is going to be on this show as well. I've heard no inside information, but it just makes too much sense. If they could get those two, the only way that the show could be better is if they brought on ten Flavor of Love girls to round out the cast.

Kardashians On DVD

I haven't posted anything about Kim Kardashian in awhile. Looks like Kim is coming back to DVD-- and this time she will be vertical. I saw the above photo, which is the box cover for the upcoming Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Season One DVD. Let's see, according to the placement on the cover, the show is starring (in order of importance): Kim Kardashian, Kim Kardashian's Ass, Bruce Jenner, then the rest of the family. It's just funny how they position her ass so prominently on the cover. But then again, that's what the industry calls "marketing".

(DVD available for pre-sale at amazon.com)

Do You Smell What Kim Is Cooking?

She has conquered the fields of reality TV, sex tapes and big asses, so what's next for our beloved Kim Kardashian? Why, a perfume of course! According to online reports, it's due on the shelves in May of next year. Umm, I bet it smells like red beans, rice and fresh cornbread.

This Just In.....

On her official website yesterday, Kim Kardashian has denied reports from a website that claimed her behind is "fake" and that she uses foam panties. The audacity! She denied the charges and said that her photo shoots prove that it is indeed real. I certainly believe her and I think that we can all rest a little bit easier tonight knowing that this has all been cleared up.

Also on her site, Kim posted the picture above of her and Carmen Electra, who are doing a scene where they wrestle each other (a spoof of the WWE Divas). This will apparently be a scene from a film entitled "The Greatest Movie of All-Time".

(Photos from eonline.com and OfficialKimKardashian.com)

Kardashians Season Finale

We have sadly reached the last episode of the season (I think). In the final outing of this go-round, the crew traveled to New Orleans to take part in a celebrity charity event put on bKim's boyfriend Reggie Bush of the New Orleans Saints. Afterwards, while munching on some beignets (you must try them) they just happened to run into some victims of Hurricane Katrina who were nice enough to show them around the town, including some of the damaged areas. Even the usually dense Kim could figure out that they needed some help. So they arranged for the family to get new furniture when their new home was ready. Then Reggie Bush came by and signed some footballs. And they all lived happily ever after. Can't wait until next season.

E! also kept running commercials for upcoming reality shows from Denise "Black Man's Kryptonite" Richards and Lindsay Lohan's mother. The funny part about the Lohan show is that Lindsay is not actually in it but from the looks of the previews, all they do is talk about Lindsay. So sad. And much like last night's pay-per-view show, both shows look perfectly skipable.

(Photo from eonline.com)

Keeping Up With The Kardashians

This week, the three older sisters got into a fight over something having to do with a car. I couldn't tell you what they were arguing about because they kept showing Kim FROM BEHIND(!). This is how you garner ratings. If I have not mentioned this before, that is quite a wagon. Anyway, they started insulting each other, leading Kim to call her sisters "ugly bitches". She ended up punching one of them. Then they went on vacation to make up. To be continued next week. I love this show.

And for you big booty aficionados, I read a report on the internet that Jennifer Lopez will soon be getting a reality show on the TLC network. This makes sense to revive her career since her movie and singing careers have seemingly dried up. I hope she has good writers that will make her look fun and sympathetic because this could go really badly. Ideally, the E! Network could get the rights to the show from TLC, run it right before The Kardashians and bill it as Big Ass Sunday night with J-Lo and Kim Kardashian back to back (pun intended). See, this is the kind of stuff that would routinely happen if I ran a network.

(Photo from eonline.com)

Keeping Up With The Kardashians

In this week's contrived madness, since all of the girls except Khloe had a boyfriend, they decided to fix her up on a computer dating system. It was getting on Khloe's nerves (and mine too) but she went along with it. In the end, she told them she was going out on a date with one of the people, but she actually just went out with some friends. I think I saw this on the Brady Bunch once. In the subplot, one of the little girls was supposed to do some chores around the house but instead she hired a Mexican go for five dollars to do it. I can't even believe they really showed this.

Kim did indeed appear at WrestleMania last week. She was fantastically awful, but I think we all knew that going in. I hope she gets invited back for future appearances.

(Photo from eonline.com)

Keeping Up With The Kardashians

This week's episode focused primarily on Bruce Jenner getting a fashion makeover and Khloe taking acting lessons. Very little Kim this week. Note to the producers: There is only one reason to watch this show-- and Kim Kardashian is sitting on it. More Kim, less everybody else. Let's step it up next week folks.

(Photo from eonline.com)

Keeping Up With The Kardashians

This week's episode mostly focused on the brother and his relationship with one of the Cheetah Girls (not the thick one from Dancing with the Stars). She went to India for three months and he got all whiny about it. The other part of the episode focused on the family's poor eating habits and how they needed to eat healthier. Oh no, Kim! If I can quote that great philosopher Sir Mix-A-Lot: "You can do sidebends or sit-ups, but please don't lose that butt". Somehow this all led to them raising chickens so they could have fresh eggs. Yeah, it was contrived as hell, but it was kind of funny when the chickens started shitting everywhere. Good, scripted fun for the whole family!

(Photo from E! Online)

They're Back!

America's favorite family of big bootied hoochies is back! Keeping Up With The Kardashians began season number two last night on the E! Network. The show focused on Kim, who said she was really happy with this time in her life, with her career going well and dating Reggie Bush of the Saints. I imagine that clown is pretty happy too. The show's contrived plot involved Kim getting a big head because of her success then realizing the error of her ways be the end of the half hour. It was good but I liked it better when Marcia went through the same thing on the Brady Bunch about thirty years ago. The other plot involved one of the sisters thinking that her boyfriend was cheating on her. At the end, all of the girls had a sit down dinner with him and she took him back. Then the largest sister confronted him alone and said that if he ever hurt her sister again, she would cut his balls off. At that point, I would have given a week's pay to see him slap the shit out of her and say "look you arrogant bitch-- the only reason anyone even remotely knows who you are is because 1) your sister has a big ass and 2) because there's nothing else good on in this time slot." But alas, no fairy tale ending this week. Still, I love this show.

Kim K. In St. Louis

Last night one of my favorite celebrities graced my very own hometown and I didn't even know about it until it was too late. I'm slippin'. Kim Kardashian hosted a party at the new club called Home in the Ameristar Casino in St. Charles, which is about twenty minutes from my house. What a missed opportunity. Too bad it didn't happen, but I imagine the conversation between us would have gone something like this:

Hollywood: "What do you say we go to mi casa and do the loco thing?"
Kim K: (Stops in her tracks, pauses, does a 180 and walks back intrigued)
H: "Yo, can I knock the stuffin' off that Egg McMuffin? You got a phone number?"

Alright, alright, that obviously was a scene out of the movie Boyz N The Hood. But seriously, when hasn't the line "Can I knock the stuffin' off that Egg McMuffin?" not worked? I can't count the times that it's worked for me. Anyway, here's how the conversation really would have gone:

VIP Guy: "Mr. Hollywood, thanks for coming. Please let me introduce you to our host for the evening, the star of E!'s Keeping Up With The Kardashians-- Miss Kim Kardashian!"

Hollywood: "Nice to finally meet you!"

Kim K: : "Nice to meet you! I read Hollywood Nation every day! That was so nice of you to put me on your Top Ten Hottest Women In The World List!"

H: "Aw, you deserved it."

KK: "And I thought it was so sweet when you described my ass as being like two giant Christmas hams trapped in a tight dress. You have such a way with words!"

H (looking down nervously, giggling): "Yeah, uh, well, I do have a minor in journalism... uh, can I knock the stuffin' off that Egg McMuffin? SHIT!"

Well, on second thought, maybe I was better off staying home.

Keeping Up With The Kardashians

It's Kardashian Time. This week's episode centered around Kim deciding to take it to the next level and making the deal to appear in Playboy. Kim did the photoshoot and there seemed to be some confusion about whether or not she was going to take her clothes off, which you would have thought someone would have brought up before they actually arrived. Of course, you have to make some kind of plot for the show though. Then Mom and Kim went to The Mansion and sat down with Hugh Hefner, where they negotiated to actually get nekkid. Somewhere in here, Kim convinced her Mom to do a practice shoot, robbing us of valuable Kim Time. Eventually Kim did do the shoot, everyone was thrilled, they all rode off into the sunset and the issue hits newsstands and mailboxes this week. It was sort of like a very hot infomercial. Next week-- a DUI!