Britney, Is That You?

I saw Britney's guest appearance on some show called "How I Met Your Mother" last night on CBS. She was actually really good in it. She played a ditzy, church-going but trampy receptionist. It was the role she was born to play. She was funny, had her timing down and looked pretty good. Only two months ago, who would have thought that this girl could memorize lines? Next thing you know, she will be putting out good songs, showing up for video shoots and being a good parent. Hopefully this is a start to a career comeback.

The First Britney Drama of the Year!

Desperate to get back in the news for 2008, Britney was rushed to the hospital last night after a custody dispute with Federline. The hospital gave her a psychological evaluation (!) and tested her for drugs and alcohol. I fully expect to be shocked at the results. I hope this is the end of her getting to share custody of the kids. After showing up two hours late yesterday for a court-ordered deposition, you would think this would do it. This story made news not because she's such a big star (she shitted her career away quite a bit ago) but because she is such a freak show that people want to see what happens next. But people are growing tired of it. Eventually, they'll show clips of her being rushed to the hospital or shaving her head right after the clip of the squirrel on waterskis on the local evening news. I fully expect this broad to appear in a wrestling ring in 2008.

Britney Update

The Human Trainwreck continues to roll on. Yesterday Britney was supposed to go to a court ordered deposition concerning the custody of her childern but she no-showed, allegedly because she got scared of the press that had gathered outside her house. I call bullshit. How come that never bothers her when she needs to go out to Starbucks, to shop for chandeliers or when its time to get all of her hair shaved off? It's far beyond the time to lock this young tramp up.

Britney Update

Remember back in the days when Britney's biggest problem was that sometimes she dressed as an erotic police officer and had chunky legs? Ahhh, the good old days.

Thangs done changed. Here's some of the latest:

- According to an article at Us Magazine, the young harlot rolled into a Hustler Store in West Hollywood last week (possibly high), tried to try on some draws and was denied, then took off her own underwear in the middle of the store-- in front of customers-- and tried on some shorts. After this spectacle, she was annoyed that she had to pay and as revenge, she stole a wig off of a mannequin. They would have locked Lil' Kim under the jail for this type of shit. Her brain must be so fried right now. She's like a homeless maniac with good credit.

- She shot a new music video earlier this week. She was late, nervous and allegedly used a body double for all the scenes that didn't need her face. I have a feeling this won't be the next "I'm A Slave 4 U".

- In Touch Weekly reported that she was pregnant. Let's all get in a circle, hold hands, and pray that isn't true.

- After just one month, her latest CD has sunk to #41. Compared to her earlier sales, this is a flop.

- Most people don't have this much drama packed into one year, let alone one week. Her family needs to stage an intervention like yesterday. Or maybe just a really stern, good old fashioned, back of the hand, 360 degree pimp slap, preferably like the one Prince gave to Apollonia in Purple Rain. That usually snaps people right out of it. She'd be back to doing good songs and flawless choreography in two days.

The Week In Britney

Not a good week for Britney Spears (what else is new?). Her new CD got beat out by The Eagles for the number one spot on the Billboard chart album chart. All indications are that it is getting ready to tank now. In addition, she was caught running a red light-- with the kids and her court appointed monitor in the car. She also has allegedly failed a drug test. Plus, video was posted on You Tube (and has since been pulled) showing a rehearsal of her performance at the MTV Awards and what it was supposed to look like (using a stand-in). It was significantly different to say the least. And the worst thing of the week? She no longer looks like the picture above.

Britney Has A Crush

According to the British newspaper The Daily Star, Britney Spears was asked what star she would most like to romance and she answered America's new favortite reality star, Kim Kardashian. She went on to allegedly add "I really love Kim's butt, skin and hair. Kim is a real woman. A real horny beast." This would in effect be the first astute thing that Britney has said since 1997. In related news, I would give up my replica WWF World Title belt signed by Chris Jericho to see this actually take place.

Britney's Halloween Costume

I'm not really sure what she was going for here. Regardless, it's a bondafide hot ass mess.

Britney Loses Custody

After refusing to follow any of the conditions that were set by a judge last month (including drug tests, counseling, acting civilized, etc.) it was ruled that Britney Spears has to turn over custody of her children to Kevin Federline by noon on Wednesday. Obviously she didn't want them anyway, seeing as how she didn't attempt to follow not even one of the conditions that was set. Now she is free to get her drink on when she pleases and continue humiliating herself at every turn. Pathetic. And to think, at one time there was an actual "Christina vs. Britney" debate. Guess who won that one?

Hot Ghetto Mess

We got to do better.

Britney Update

On Tuesday, a judge gave Britney Spears terms that she has to follow in order to keep custody of her kids. She was ordered to undergo random drug testing twice a week, she has to see a therapist once a week, she has to hire a parenting coach, and her and Kevin Federline were ordered to go to the Parenting Without Conflict program within five days. Thank goodness. She celebrated the judgement by hitting the clubs on Wednesday night. Terrific start.

I bet Lindsay Lohan is sitting in a small room in her rehab center, having someone read that to her, and saying to herself, "what does a crazy bitch have to do to stay in the headlines? I had two DUIs, went to rehab twice and essentially pulled a carjacking! How soon they forget." Then she finished mopping.

Ya Had a Bad Day...

And we thought it was bad last week when she humiliated herself in front of a national audience then was photographed with no underwear later that night. Only Britney could top that bad day. Yesterday her manager AND her lawyer dropped her (because she is so uncooperative) plus after testimony from her former bodyguard she might be losing custody of her kids to Kevin Federline. Like she cares! She probably won't even show up to contest it. Now if they were to take away her alcohol she would be in the courtroom talking about "You're out of order! He's out of order! This whole courtroom is out of order!" Has anybody ever crashed this far in such a short amount of time?

She's Sorry (Maybe)

According to perezhilton.com, Britney is in negotiations with the producers of the Emmys to make an appearance during the show on Sunday to make an apology for her MTV performance. Okay, I will agree that the thing was lackluster and wretched, but really does she me owe me an apology for it? Was I actually harmed in any way because she couldn't lip synch on time and did some half-assed dancing? Will this catch on for everyone in entertainment? Is Vince McMahon going to come on the show and apologize for producing silly wrestling shows? Are the majority of the new rappers going to gather onstage like We Are The World and apologize for being undeniably wack? Will the Fox network executives making an appearance to apologize for the entire last season of American Idol? Step on up!