Dancing With The Stars Shocker

Oh hellz no! I knew Kim Kardashian wasn't going to make it to the finals, but I didn't expect her to get cut this early! Before CLORIS LEACHMAN? Are you serious? Why not Rocco? Why not the awkward looking volleyball broad? I will never understand these voters. And on top of that, we had to suffer through TWO wretched Jessica Simpson performances. Just a brutal night. At least I still have Toni Braxton to pin my hopes on.

TNA Spin Cycle

Time for another edition of TNA Spin Cycle. This time we have A.J. Styles, Alex Shelley, Curry Man, and Taylor Wilde. At the start of the show, the host Jeremy Borash mentions that they are trying to bring this to Spike TV. I'm sure it would do better in the ratings than Manswers.

Dancing With The Stars

It was kind of a lackluster week on Dancing with the Stars. I think I can officially say goodbye to my Toni Braxton/Kim Kardashian showdown because Kim is dreadful. As Chris Rock said on Larry King Thursday "all that ass and can't shake it". It's starting to shape up as a Brooke Burke/Toni Braxton/Warren Sapp footrace. Tonight I think it will be either Cloris Leachman or Rocco the Chef going home. The Jessica Simpson performance should be fun.

Finally!

I've been on espn.com since about 6PM last night, hitting refresh and finally the news came down: Chip Rosenbloom has given Scott Linehan the ax as head coach of my beloved St. Louis Rams. Defensive Coordinator Jim Haslett will be the interim head coach. We wish Linehan the best and would like to offer him the want ads and a map. I will now go indulge in some Welch's Grape. In the meantime, please enjoy the clip below as a tribute to the Linehan Era here in St. Louis:

Rams Week Four: Bills 31-Rams 14

Well, at least we had a good first half. The defense played well, Donnie Avery finally got involved in the offense and Stephen Jackson got on track. They even led at halftime. Then the team laid down in the second half and Buffalo took over to bring us to 0-4. I heard on the news this morning that the Rams have scheduled a press conference and the owners are in town. Gee, I wonder what this could be about?

WWE Schedule

It's a huge week for WWE with all of the following events:

Monday: Live WWE Raw with the final sell for next weekend's No Mercy PPV show.

Tuesday: New starting time for ECW on the Sci-Fi Network (8PM Central/9PM Eastern).

Wednesday: Find out where in the hell is My Network TV.

Thursday: WrestleMania special on My Network TV.

Friday: Smackdown debuts on My Network TV with Chris Jericho vs. Triple H vs. Matt Hardy.

Sunday: No Mercy PPV with Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels in a Ladder Match.

The sales of Act II popcorn this week should be staggering.

Coming Soon

Just in time for Christmas-- the Vickie Guerrero action figure! You can reserve yours for the small fee of $23.99 at ringsidecollectibles.com. As a bonus, you even get a figure of that clown Edge! This is going to be the Cabbage Patch Doll of 2008.

(Photo from ringsidecollectibles.com)

Dancing With The Stars Results

Poor Ted McGinley-- he got cut during the first week and before the increasingly annoying Cloris Leachman. I haven't felt this bad for the guy since that spaz stole his woman in Revenge of the Nerds.

Dancing With The Stars Results

It was a disappointing night as two of my favorites, the team of Jeffrey Ross and Edyta, were the first dancers cut on this season of Dancing with the Stars. It's always a bad thing when the hot broads get cut first on reality shows. Last night's show was highlighted by Warren Sapp again and by the surreal sight of Kim Kardashian dancing to "Baby Got Back". That was tremendous. Even the fact that she was mediocre couldn't kill that moment. I think she did enough to advance another week however. As long as her and Toni Braxton advance, that's all that matters. I am anxiously awaiting the exits of Cloris Leachman and the annoying kid from Hannah Montana. I'll keep my fingers crossed. There is one more elimination tonight. ABC is really milking this thing.

(Photo from abc.com)

Out of the Closet

American Idol's Clay Aiken has revealed to People magazine that he is gay. I for one was shocked. Where were all the signs? I haven't been this surprised since George Michael came out. Next week on the cover of People magazine: Tyra Banks reveals that she's hot.

Rock of Love News

Attention Rock of Love fans: guess who is getting their own show? Daisy (above) everyone's favorite (or least favorite, depending on your point of view) drama queen from season 2, will try to find love from a group of guys on her own show, reportedly titled Daisy of Love. Sounds like a can't-miss show to me. But don't feel bad for the other girls-- the next season of VH-1's Charm School is on the way and it will include some of your favorite train wrecks such as Angelique, Megan, Heather, both Brandis, and Kristy Jo. With that group, it could challenge Season One for best reality show of all-time. Thank the Lord for VH-1.

(Photo from vh1.com)

Dancing With The Stars Season Premiere

Yet another season of Dancing with the Stars is upon us. This season two of my favorites, Toni Braxton and Kim Kardashian, are competing. I thought Toni did the best last night, although she didn't get the highest score. Kim's performance was kind of lackluster, but they cut her a break on the grading so she will probably be back. Other standouts included Brooke Burke, Lance Bass from N' Sync, and Warren Sapp, who I thought stole the show. I give props to Cloris Leachman for coming on the show at the age of 82, but her segment went on for seemingly an hour. My favorite of the professional dancers, Edyta, won't be long for the competition because she got paired with hilarious comedian Jeffrey Ross, who go the lowest score last night. Maybe they can bring them back each week for skits. I looked forward to Kim, Toni and Edyta battling it out for hottest outfit each week, but I guess it is not to be. Going home tonight will probably be Ross or Rocco the chef. Sucks to be them. Day number two is tonight.

I Love Money/Brooke Knows Best

On I Love Money, it was our first post-Brandi episode. The show just didn't feel as happy and ditzy as usual. Although Real's proposal to Hoopz was quite goofy. In the end, it looked the Stallionaire's alliance was going to finally fall apart, but the skankalicious tag team of Toastee and Pumkin was sent home instead. We are down to four!

I finally watched Brooke Knows Best for the first time in a few weeks. The fact that the show centered around stripping was strictly a coincidence. In this week's contrived madness, Brooke wanted to lose weight so she took an exercise class where they use stripping techniques. Unfortunately her mother joined her. It was kind of sad to see that broad on the pole. Brooke took to it like a fish to water. She even joked that she could turn to stripping if her music career fails (and it will). Would it really be that surprising? "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Diamond Cabaret. Coming to stage two, put your hands together for..... Brooke Hogan!" It almost seems natural. Nothing to be ashamed about. Anyhow, I missed the last half of the show, which was some goofiness where footage of her stripping leaked to the internet and she freaked out. Oh bitch, please. It couldn't be worse than those pictures of your Dad putting suntan oil on your behind. The season finale is in two weeks-- will Brooke go to college? We have to wait two whole weeks? I'm on pins and needles.

(Photo from vh1.com)

Rams Week Three: Seattle 37, Us 13

Is it over yet? Are Seattle's third-string receivers still running past our secondary? It was another sad outing. Now I have to spend all day checking websites to see if/when the coach gets fired. If we can't beat the Seahawks, then this might be the golden 0-16 season. We're back at home next Sunday. It would be appropriate to have Angelina Love at the entrance handing out paper bags to put over each of the fan's heads. Sad times.

It's Really Going To Happen

It's the DVD that wrestling nerds have dreamed about-- Ric Flair has signed a deal with Highspots.com to do a shoot interview. It will be a 10 hour shoot conducted over three days; the first segment has already been filmed. They are taking pre-orders right here. I haven't looked forward to a DVD this much since the Jennifer Lopez video collection came out five years ago. I want to hear everything: from when he trained with Verne Gagne to when he ran around naked at the St. Louis Airport Marriott to when he punched out that idiot Eric Bischoff at Raw. I might actually dress up when I watch this thing in the basement.

(Photo from highspots.com)

Special Programming Note

Tonight on Impact!:

Other notes: Wrestlingobserver.com is reporting that Kevin Nash has signed for another year. They also noted that Kurt Angle has filed for a divorce from Karen Angle. Does this mean we can finally get rid of that wretched Karen's Angle segment?

(Photo from tnawrestling.com)

Stacy Update

I hadn't heard anything about former wrestling personality and Dancing with the Stars contestant Stacy Keibler in awhile (although she does have an appearance in a show coming to ABC Family shortly), but according to this blurb in the New York Daily News, I guess she has been kicking it in Vegas recently:

"Oscar-winner Jamie Foxx got his blond fix in Vegas last weekend.
The "Ray" star's first target was "Dancing With the Stars" beauty Stacy Keibler. "She was bent over his lap, and he had his hands all over her body," said a spy at the preview of Noah Tepperberg's Lavo nightclub Friday night. "Jamie couldn't stop rubbing her."
Despite the deep-tissue massage, Keibler wandered off, leaving Foxx alone"

Hmmm, maybe she dropped that chump she was dating and decided to trade up. As my boy Jerome used to say "Get with this winnah and drop that chicken dinner!"

(Photo from stuffmagazine.com)

I Love Money

Well, it had to happen eventually. Poor little Brandi quit this week because she could take no more. We will miss her constant crying and clownish makeup. Good luck in the adult features, kid. Meanwhile, she didn't go down alone. Because she quit, they are taking off an additional person at the start of the next show. Probably Pumkin. Also it looks like the Stallionaires are finally on the verge of splitting. Should be good.

Rams: Week Two

This season I will try to provide some hard hitting analysis for my favorite NFL team, the St. Louis Rams. Week One was a disgrace, as we got steamrolled by the Philadelphia Eagles. This week, the World Champion New York Giants came to town for our home opener. The breakdown:

The Good: We held the Giants under 100 points

The Bad: Coaching, Offensive Line, Defensive Backs, Poor Pass Rush

The Ugly: We were down only seven points to the World Champions in the fourth quarter and just promptly GAVE UP. At that point, the Giants blew us away. The announcers (the last time we will likely see Fox's A announce team for the foreseable future) said that the Giants players were begging to come in the game so they could pad their stats for contract time.

Bright Spot: Our overworked punter and kicker are headed to the Pro Bowl

On Deck: Seattle

TNA Impact Video Game-- FOUND!

On Saturday, my search for the TNA Impact video game finally ended at a place called Game Crazy. The store lived up to its name because there were lots of games and lots of crazy kids. I'm not really a gamer; the last game I bought was Raw vs. Smackdown 2007. I think I have about five games total. Anyway, after taking 45 minutes to remember how to set the game system up, I finally played the game on Saturday night. I picked Sting and had a match against Booker T. The graphics are excellent and the game play is simple, which is good for someone like me. As is tradition, I lost the first game that I played. I also lost the second one, which was a very competitive Ultimate X match where I was James Storm and lost to Chris Sabin. I now have a grudge against Chris Sabin in real life also. I actually stopped the game to read the instruction book during that one. I care. I don't even have a memory card so I won't be exploring the story mode, locked characters, etc. Hey, I have a job AND I have to run Hollywood Nation for Pete's sake. In closing, I enjoyed the game, I give it the Hollywood Nation recommendation, and I am looking forward to playing it again.

TNA No Surrender Results

Results from tonight's TNA No Surrender PPV show from outside of Toronto, CA:

- Curry Man, Shark Boy, and Super Eric beat The Rock N Rave Infection and Christy Hemme when Curry Man pinned Christy. Christy looked hot and Curry Man kept trying to feel her up, succeeding on several occasions. This is why you go to wrestling school. Good opener.

- Awesome Kong beat ODB in a falls count anywhere match. Good match, but I cringed a couple of times when they were going through tables. I was glad that they kept Kong strong.

- Abyss and Matt Morgan beat Team 3D. Abyss and Morgan are too huge sombitches. They won but it looked like they are on the verge of a breakup already.

- Sheik Abdul Bashir beat Consequences Creed and Petey Williams to win the X Division title. The Canadian crowd went wild over Williams, especially when he did the Canadian Destroyer. They should have had the hometown guy win.

- Taylor Wilde beat Angelina Love to retain the Knockouts Title. First of all, they need to get Billy Gunn out of the Beautiful People because he is RUINING THE ACT! With that said, somehow he managed not to ruin their great ring entrance. Velvet Sky. Velvet Sky. Good grief. Rhino was in Taylor's corner. The actual match was good. Four stars alone for Velvet's outfit.

- Sonjay Dutt beat Jay Lethal in a ladder match when So Cal Val hit Lethal with a low blow and allowed Dutt to grab the ring to "win" her. Ridiculous. Val and Dutt made out after the match, prompting Mike Tenay to yell "someone get a hose!"

- Beer Money Inc. beat LAX. I fell asleep during this match. I have a lot going on. I was told that Beer Money won. Apparently Salinas (Shelly Martinez) has left the company. I'm not happy about this.

- Frank Trigg beat A.J. Styles in an MMA match. The live crowd turned on this and yelled out "we want wrestling" and "Fire Russo". Not good when audiences are constantly asking you to fire the booker. Take the hint. The feed went out for about three minutes. Pittsburgh was beating Cleveland. Terrible game for prime time. When the feed came back, A.J. was beating Trigg with a kendo stick.

- Samoa Joe beat Christian Cage and Kurt Angle to retain the World Title. Booker T was supposed to be part of this but he never made it out of Houston because of the hurricane. Sting came out to fight Samoa Joe at the start but he returned to the back. Good match. At the end, Jeff Jarrett came out to little reaction and hit Angle with the guitar. Joe got the pin on Angle. This sets up Samoa Joe vs. Sting for next month's Bound For Glory.

TNA Impact Video Game, Day Two

I attempted to pick up the TNA Impact video game yesterday after work at the local Target. Because I refuse to say to a stranger "Do you have the TNA (which comes out like T and A) video game?", I had to ramble "Do you have the Total Nonstop Action Wrestling Impact video game?". The guy looked at me like I was a f%&*ing idiot. Needless to say, they didn't have it. Dear TNA: Please change your name. I will try this process again today. Also don't forget: The Beautiful People Beauty Pageant is tonight on Spike TV!

Jessica Simpson Goes Country

In a last ditch attempt to revive her singing career, Jessica Simpson has switched genres and released a country music album on Tuesday. While promoting the CD, she recently appeared on the Grand Ole Opry wearing the desperate outfit in the clip below (which is best enjoyed with the sound down). After this CD flops, I give it six months before this poor girl is in full-fleged porn:

TNA Impact Video Game

The heavily anticipated TNA Video Game came out yesterday-- allegedly. I went to Toys R Us, Game Stop, FYE, and Wal-Mart and found jackshit. Toys R Us and Game Stop said they were expecting copies later this week, FYE didn't have any video games and you have a better chance of being hit by a flying spaceship than finding assistance at the Ferguson Wal-Mart. I shall try again later this week. (In happier news, I did find the new WWE Mr. Perfect DVD which I will watch this weekend). More news on this important story as it becomes available.

Flair Brawl

Ric Flair was apparently involved in some type of altercation over the weekend with his daughter and her 22 year old boyfriend at an apartment complex in North Carolina. Flair came out on the worst end of it with bleeding and bruises. Still, he pressed no charges. I've read several different reports about what happened and they all were different. Some even seemed to indicate that it was his daughter that hit him in the eye. She did get arrested after kicking a police officer and being tased (no word if she yelled out "don't tase me, bro!"). I guess the big question is this: where were the Four Horsement to prevent this? Tully, Arn, Windham: where were you? Luger couldn't even bother to make the save? You guys better get on the ball. This is unacceptable!

(Photo from carolinanightlife.com)

Hometown Boy Makes Good

Major shout-out to Evan Bourne (a.k.a. Matt Sydal) who made his debut on the WWE flagship show, Raw, last night. He debuted in spectacular fashion by teaming with Rey Mysterio and nailing the shooting star press to beat Miz and John Morrison. The crowd went nuts. I could see them doing big things if they keep Rey and Evan as a team. Matt started his career right here in St. Louis so I was so glad to see him succeed on a national stage. I've seen him in Gateway Championship Wrestling where he started as "Matt" and he worked his way up to IWA, ROH, TNA and finally signed a deal with WWE. He has been in ECW for a couple of weeks and finally made it to the big show. Great debut and I hope they do the right thing and push him to the moon.

Random Thoughts on the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards

- Has it really been 25 years since the first MTV Video Music Awards? Didn't Eddie Murphy and Joe Piscipo host the first one? I hope they bring Martha Quinn back tonight.

- The show started with a skit where one of the guys from the movie Superbad tried to kiss Britney Spears. Pretty lame. Britney then took the stage live to open the show. Unlike last year, she was in good shape and didn't seem under the influence. She almost looked like the old Britney (except for the double chin). Even though she didn't perform or really do anything, it was good to see her back.

- Rihanna was the first performer of the night. She had on an outfit that was reminiscent of Marilyn Manson circa1999. Of course, she rocked the house though. Good start.

- This year's show was hosted by Russell Brand, who is unknown in America but apparently is well-known in England. He did a monologue and had some pretty funny material. He got more blue as the night went on. He and Jordin Sparks (last year's American Idol winner) of all people, actually had an exchange at one point.

- Jamie Foxx presented the first award of the night for Best Female. Britney won. This was allegedly her first MTV Award. Do you mean "Hit Me Baby One More Time" never won a VMA? What about the time she came out with that snake? I need to check the record books.

- Demi Moore hit the stage. I don't think I've seen her since "Striptease". The Jonas Brothers performed on the studio backlot. At the same time over on the football game, one of the Colts was writhing around on the ground in pain, almost as if he was being forced to listen to this. Eventually a bunch of fans ran out (including some dudes, which was hilarous) and surrounded the Brothers. Nice visual.

- Katy Perry took us to break while singing Madonna's "Like A Virgin". She had on the smallest of shorts. Very hot. Why did they only show about thirty seconds of this?

- More Katy after the break, as she did a bit of "I Kissed A Girl". I'm starting to like this broad.

- Olympic hero Michael Phelps introduced a performance by Lil' Wayne. He ascended the staircase on the set and grabbed his dick approximately 136 times. I spent this whole segment hoping that someone would come out and pull up his pants. He was joined by Leona Lewis and the always annoying T-Pain. Dreadful. We only get 30 seconds of Katy Perry but we have to sit through the entire performance of these guys?

- Ciara and Lindsay Lohan presented an award. It was weird not seeing Lindsay next to that goofy looking DJ broad with the hat. The Pussycat Dolls won for the best dancing in a video.

- Who the hell is Paramour? They performed. I got something to eat.

- Pink is back. She performed a new song on the backlot. Good stuff. She was even nice enough to have part of her behind sticking out of her outfit. That's serious business.

- Jordin Sparks (who snapped at the host that not everyone wanted to be a slut, in reference to some of his earlier comments) and John Legend brought T.I. to the stage. He performed on a set and took some broad shopping, to a club and drove her around in a car. Really cool. This was well done. It led to Rihanna hitting the stage again in another nice little outfit and rocking the house yet again.

- The next performer was Christina Aguilera, who did a new version of "Genie In A Bottle" and a new song. The song was pretty good. Christina was dressed in a mask and sort of a Catwoman outfit. She looked scary. Good segment.

- Britney won the Best Pop award. I just realized that she hasn't been in the news for anything stupid for months. Could she be on the way back? Kid Rock with special guest Lil' Wayne (because who can't get enough of Lil' Wayne?) performed. I was starting to get tired. Britney won again for "Pieces of Me" (which I've never actually seen) and was whisked away in a golf cart with the host. The show closed with a grand production from Kanye West. It was a good song. He had on a glowing red heart on his suit, which distracted from the whole thing. Good show though. I'm just glad these things are only two hours now.

WWE Unforgiven Results

Results from tonight's WWE Unforgiven PPV show:

- Matt Hardy emerged as the new ECW Champion in the ECW Scramble match. I still don't understand all the rules. It doesn't even matter.

- Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes beat Cryme Tyme to retain the tag belts. Afa Jr. came out at the end and cleaned house on Cryme Tyme. Looks like the second generation faction has a new member.

- Shawn Michaels beat Chris Jericho by ref stoppage. What?!

- Triple H of course retained his title in the Smackdown Scramble match. The announcers counted it as his 13th world title reign. He might beat Flair at this rate! Oh. In the record books, will it say Triple H beat Triple H for the title?

- C.M. Punk got beat up by the second generation crew.

- Michelle McCool beat the lovely Maryse to retain the WWE Divas title.

- Big Show came out to ask to take Punk's place in the Raw Scramble match. Vickie Guerrero came out and berated him. Undertaker came out to beat up Vickie I assume. Big Show turned heel and beat up Undertaker. Vickie slapped Taker and spit in his face. I'm giddy.

- My boy, Chris Jericho, is the NEW Champion of Raw! He took Punk's place in the Raw Scramble match and scored the last pin to take the victory! HAHA! I'm going to go have some grape juice!

UFC 88 Results

Congratulations to former Ultimate Figher winner Rashad Evans who knocked the legendary Chuck Liddell the F out at last night's UFC 88 event. The knockout came in the second round after an overhand right. Liddell was out like a light and it took several minutes for him to get up. In the other big match of the night, Rich Franklin beat Matt Hamill. I'm looking forward to the upcoming Brock Lesnar vs. Randy Couture match, which was announced last week. I'm putting my money on Lesnar. After all, if he could manhandle The Big Show, what chance does Couture have?

In Case You Missed It...

Here is Kim Kardashian's appearance on Letterman from last week. She briefly mentioned WWE at the end!:

Hold The Phone...

According to a report at the Pro Wrestling Torch website, Gail Kim has contacted TNA President Dixie Carter to see if she can reach a deal to stay in TNA. And if TNA is smart, they will come off of that skrilla and give her an excellent deal. This is a golden opportunity to correct a major mistake. They can take this very marketable wrestler and push her to the moon. I hope they can work something out. Selfishly, I'd prefer to see her stay in the TNA Knockouts Division rather than competing in bikini contests with Mae Young.

Speaking of TNA, Mick Foley issued a statement today saying that he had signed a deal with them. I hope he will have enough power to veto the inevitable cavalcade of goofy skits and climbing matches that they have waiting for him.

90210 Review

I caught the series premiere of the heavily hyped new 90210 on the CW last night. I missed the first 20 minutes because I forgot it was on, but I caught the rest. In my view, I thought it was pretty good. I had trouble keeping up with the characters at first but I figured it out by the end. It was also good to see familiar faces like Rob Estes, the lady from Full House, and of course Kelly and Brenda. Even Nat was back; the Pitch Pit had predictably been turned into a coffee place. They even have a black kid now (of course he was adopted). It's going to be a tough balance to focus on the kids and the older characters. Hopefully they will just spin-off the old characters and give them their own show. Can you imagine Steve Sanders, Dylan and that crazy broad who almost burned down Brandon's house back on the same show again? Tell me that wouldn't beat One Tree Hill!

Torch Report/Words for Candice

Following in the footsteps of legendary wrestling journalists such as Bruce Mitchell, Mark Madden, and, uh, Carlie Gill, something that I wrote actually appeared in the Pro Wrestling Torch (well, at least on the website). I sent in my report of last night's WWE Supershow and it was actually posted on the site. I knew that having a minor in journalism would come in handy some day. This was my greatest journalistic achievement since I wrote a story about the Model Railroading Club in the Kirby Junior High Gazette.

In the report (as you can read below), I wrote about great highlights from the show like the verbal showdown between Shawn Michaels and Chris Jericho, Vickie Guerrero's heel heat, and Randy Orton's return to his hometown. Unfortunately, I also had to report about the negative: that being Candice Michelle's series of botched moves in the 6-Diva tag match. It dawned on me that such information appearing on a major wrestling website might 1) hurt her feelings and 2) severly damage my chances with her. So to rectify that, I am sending this personal message to Candice Michelle:

Candice, we all have bad days. Hell, if you look closely on this very site, you might even find lame jokes about Kim Kardashian. Some days, even I just don't have it. So don't feel bad. It took a lot of guts to get back on that top rope, so that's something you should be proud of. Plus, as a newly registered voter of one week, you probably had a lot on your mind. You still have your looks, an energetic theme song and tons of fans. And in the end, no one is probably going to even see those mistakes due to the editing wizards of the WWE. So next time you're in St. Louis, and you see some charming fat guy in a Rams jersey, don't take it out on him.

And in the interest of fairness, please enjoy the Candice Michelle related plugs listed below:

With your own Candice Michelle doll, you can make sure she gets all the moves right!
Want a copy of Candice's appearance in Playboy?
Be sure to visit the official website of Candice Michelle.
A pair of Candice Michelle's draws would make a great Labor Day gift for any of your loved ones!

(Photo can be purchased at allposters.com)

WWE Raw/Smackdown Supershow Spoilers

Results from last night's WWE Supershow at the Scottrade Center in St. Louis. Starting with Raw:

- Randy Orton returned with his arm in a sling and ran down all of the champions including Beth Phoenix, Santino, Priceless and Rhodes, and Punk. C.M. Punk came out to a nice reaction and he and Orton jawed back and forth. Orton left, but JBL, Kane and Batista came out. Batista speared everyone in sight.

- John Cena's music hit and the crowd went crazy, but it was just Charlie Haas, dressed as Cena. He lost to Kofi Kingston.

- Backstage, Randy Orton slapped Cody Rhodes and said there was no way he would let a couple of thugs steal his belt. Meanwhile, Mike Adamle welcomed Teddy Long and Tiffany as his special guests. Kane interrupted and took Adamle to task for adding Mysterio to the Raw scramble match.

- ECW Battle Royal with Finlay, Miz, Chavo, Matt Hardy and Mark Henry. Henry won.

- Jamie Noble beat William Regal. Layla returned and accompanied Noble. She looked incredible.

- Kelly Kelly, Mickie James, and the returning Candice Michelle beat Beth Phoenix, Katie Lea and Jillian Hall when Candice pinned Beth. Jillian did her version of Nelly's "Hot in Herre" to a chorus of boos. Candice went to the top rope and hit a crossbody block on Beth, then had a series of botched moves that would have put Jackie Gayda to shame. It will take a miracle to save this in the editing room. Time stood still. Candice tried hard and I felt really bad for her.

- Santino declared himself the greatest I-C champion of all time and debuted the Honk-O-Meter to show that the Honky Tonk Man had 64 weeks as champion and thus far Santino had 2. He beat D-Lo Brown.

- Miz and Morrison vs. Cryme Tyme went to a no-contest when Cryme Tyme was immediately jumped by Priceless and The Son of Dusty. They took their belts back.

- Kane won a Battle Royal over Punk, Batista, and JBL. Orton watched at ringside. Punk spit water in Orton's face afterwards. Rey Mysterio returned and thrashed Kane. Can't wait to see him get his revenge on Kane at the PPV. Oh. Rey shook hands with the fans around ringside afterwards. It reminded me of how the Fantastics used to do it in their UWF/World Class days.

- Main event was a contract signing between HBK and Chris Jericho. They both did outstanding interviews yet again. Adamle declared that they couldn't touch or there would be no match. Segment ended with Michaels beating up Lance Cade, who no one in my section seemed to know. According to wrestlingobserver.com and a couple of other sites, HBK injured himself somewhere in here and could be out for a few months. Not sure where it happened.

Other Raw Notes:

- Lillian Garcia: certifiably hot. She had on a short skirt and knee-high hooker boots like Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman".

- When they showed John McCain on the screen the place erupted in boos; Barack Obama was met with mostly cheers.

Smackdown results:

- Triple H came out for an interview. Huge cheers. Just not from me. Shelton, MVP, Kendrick, and Ezikiel came out to interrupt. Triple hit Ezikiel with a chair and he was momentarily stunned, then Kendrick had to hold him back. Jeff Hardy made the save when Triple H got jumped. After the segment, Triple H pointed to the sky and said "this is for you, Killer", which didn't seem to be for TV.

- R. Truth beat Bam Neely. Truth came out of the crowd about three seats away from me. Good reaction, decent match. People got into the "what's up" chant.

- Undertaker came out for a promo. He basically said that he would be sending Vickie Guerrero to hell on Sunday to join her husband....... Edge.

- Shelton beat MVP like a common scrub.

- Maryse beat Maria. Maryse is improving and got decent heel heat. Also, she is mega-hot. Michelle McCool came out at the end and they had a staredown, ending with Maryse making a flourish with her hair and leaving. Michelle is really thin. She could use a couple of servings of cornbread and red beans and rice.

- My new favorite wrestler, THE Brian Kendrick pinned Jeff Hardy. Crowd loved Hardy and couldn't stand Kendrick.

- Super Crazy beat Ryan Braddock. Kozloff came out and threw out Crazy. He asked for bigger competition and out came the Big Show. Before they could go at it, Vickie came out to nuclear heat and demanded that they both leave. The heat was off the charts. The more she talked, the louder the boos got. I could barely hear her. Basically I think she said that she would not be intimidated by the Undertaker and demanded an apology from him on Sunday. I have been watching live wrestling since 1985 and I am hard pressed to recall anyone getting heat like that.

- Brie Bella beat Victoria again. She crawled under the ring and it appeard that she did the switch with her sister.

- Backstage interview with Triple H. Jeff Hardy interrupted. Triple H pretended to receive a call and said it was from Dr. Black and he hoped that Jeff would be there on Sunday. This probably went over the head of most of the audience.

- Triple H beat The Great Khali in a lumberjack match with the rest of the scramble partcipants on the outside. Story of the match was that everytime the lumberjacks beat up Triple H, Jeff Hardy would make the save. H won with the pedigree. At the end, Hardy laid out H with the twist of fate. After the cameras stopped rolling, they did a comedy segment where H pedigreed Shelton, MVP, Kendrick and Shelton again. Ezikiel teased going to the ring but walked away.

- Two good shows. It was a long night, but the shows are well worth checking out.