The Return of The Spice Girls

Alright, first some background. As some people know, I have a diverse and bizarre taste in music. At anytime, you might hear me listening to anything from Stevie Wonder to Van Halen to Miles Davis to Jill Scott to Nas to Hulk Hogan and the Wrestling Boot Band. It's all over the place with no rhyme or reason. I've always loved my pop acts too, whether it be Duran Duran, Britney or Destiny's Child. So it should come as no surprise that I was/am a huge fan of The Spice Girls. How could anyone not love those catchy songs? You know you love them too; just probably not as much as me. I have all of their CDs. I've probably sat through Spice World about ten times. I even read Geri Halliwell's autobiography-- actually both of them. Geri (a.k.a. Ginger Spice was my favorite in the glory days, Baby Spice was my favorite after the split, and Scary is my favorite now). Anyway, in the late 90's, they were coming to the Riverport Ampitheatre in St. Louis. And I didn't go. Then Geri quit. Then they broke up. And I never thought I would get to see them live. Then thankfully last year they got back together for one last cash grab, which led to me seeing The Return of the Spice Girls tour last night at the United Center here in Chicago.



The audience was a show in itself. This show set the new record for skanks per capita. I don't even mean the term "skanks" in a bad way; that's just what they happened to be. Hell, Gloria Steinem would have declared that they were skanks. There were more skanks per capita at this show than at the Marriott Hotel in St. Louis the night of Starrcade 90-- and that's saying something. I have never seen so many ultra short skirts, shiny sequined dresses and low cut outfits in my life. Some fans were dressed as their favorite Spice Girl. Some were able to even pull it off. There was also the occassional giant drag queen. Grown men in leopard pants. It was quite a crowd to say the least.



The show started about 8:30. The crowd went completely apeshit and the majority never sat down for the entire two hour show. People just seemed genuinely happy to see the group and relive some nostalgia. The place went dark, an intro video played, then Baby, Posh, Sporty, Ginger and my beloved Scary each rose up on their own platforms. The first song was "Spice Up Your Life". The crowd sang along to every word. The rest of the show was kind of a blur, but here are some of the highlights, not necessarily in this order:



- They did all of the big songs including Who Do You Think You Are, Say You'll Be There, Mama, Too Much, Stop, Wannabe (which was the big encore song), and their new song. I may or may not have sang along to about 80% of these songs. Before you decide to ridicule me, please keep in mind that in college I once knocked the 6'5" shot putter on our track and field team off his feet. Yeah, I might know all of the words to "2 Become 1", but you don't want none of this.



- Each of the Spices got their own solo segment. Scary (looking PHEE-NOMINAL) brought out a whip and tied up some clown from the audience while she sang Lenny Kravitz's "Are You Gonna Go My Way". Sporty, Baby and Ginger did songs from their respective solo albums. Posh was the only one that didn't sing solo. Instead for her segment she walked down the stage like it was a catwalk and did fashion poses to Madonna's "Like A Virgin". She owned it. The crowd cheered for her segment the most.



- In the gayest moment of the night (if not ever), while Geri Halliwell/Ginger was singing "It's Raining Men", I looked over and saw this huge man in a Wonder Woman costume taking pictures with people. What are the chances of that combination happening? I had to laugh. What kind of sideshow had a I stumbled into? It also occured to me during that song that I might be the only person in the whole building who was looking at Geri's bum at that moment.

- The girls have actually help up pretty well. Obviously Geri has worked very hard to get fit but I'm begging her to put on about 20 or 30 pounds. Posh looks better in person and actually does smile. Baby is hot. Scary is flawless. Eddie Murphy is a fool! She is thicker than pancake mix with just one spoonful of water in it.

- Note to "The Black Charmer" (everyone else please skip ahead to the next paragraph): You know how you're planning to have a wife and a "housekeeper"? Well, I'm going to have a wife and a "nanny"-- and the nanny is going to be Baby Spice. And the good thing is that I only need to accumulate a net worth of 20 million dollars to pull off this plan! I'm a genius.



- The group did sing live, not that you could really hear it over the music.

- The show ended with "Wannabe" and a very colorful performance of "Spice Up Your Life" (again!). As the girls lowered down under the stage, the words "Mission Accomplished" appeared on the big screen. Excellent show. Then to get my masculinity back, I left, drank a bottle of Pabst Blue Ribbon, smashed the bottle over some guy's head, watched all three discs of the new "Stone Cold" Steve Austin DVD set, recited verse three of Black Moon's "Who Got Da Props?" right off the top of my head, went deer hunting, then fought a bear. I feel better now.