DA-ZAM!

Here's a picture of Mariah from this week in New York, which I found at Mariahdaily.com. Ohhhhhh weeeeeeee! I am trying to hear that!

Kim K. In St. Louis

Last night one of my favorite celebrities graced my very own hometown and I didn't even know about it until it was too late. I'm slippin'. Kim Kardashian hosted a party at the new club called Home in the Ameristar Casino in St. Charles, which is about twenty minutes from my house. What a missed opportunity. Too bad it didn't happen, but I imagine the conversation between us would have gone something like this:

Hollywood: "What do you say we go to mi casa and do the loco thing?"
Kim K: (Stops in her tracks, pauses, does a 180 and walks back intrigued)
H: "Yo, can I knock the stuffin' off that Egg McMuffin? You got a phone number?"

Alright, alright, that obviously was a scene out of the movie Boyz N The Hood. But seriously, when hasn't the line "Can I knock the stuffin' off that Egg McMuffin?" not worked? I can't count the times that it's worked for me. Anyway, here's how the conversation really would have gone:

VIP Guy: "Mr. Hollywood, thanks for coming. Please let me introduce you to our host for the evening, the star of E!'s Keeping Up With The Kardashians-- Miss Kim Kardashian!"

Hollywood: "Nice to finally meet you!"

Kim K: : "Nice to meet you! I read Hollywood Nation every day! That was so nice of you to put me on your Top Ten Hottest Women In The World List!"

H: "Aw, you deserved it."

KK: "And I thought it was so sweet when you described my ass as being like two giant Christmas hams trapped in a tight dress. You have such a way with words!"

H (looking down nervously, giggling): "Yeah, uh, well, I do have a minor in journalism... uh, can I knock the stuffin' off that Egg McMuffin? SHIT!"

Well, on second thought, maybe I was better off staying home.

Lindsay's Back!

" Could it be I stayed away too long?"- The Jackson Five

After a long absence, good old Lindsay Lohan is back in the news with a vengeance. Earlier this week, her ex-boyfriend (the one that she met in rehab) gave the News of the World some salacious details about their relationship (oh yes, she's a bonafide freak). Now it's time for the clown to cash in: he allegedly is shopping around photos of her, some in various stages of undress. Damn, who saw this relationship ending badly? He 1) was scruffy looking, 2) wore Wu-Tang Clan shirts, 3) was a snowboarder and 4) she met him in rehab. Too bad there weren't any warning signs.

Uh, Oh

As if things weren't bad enough, it is being reported that Star Magazine claims that the 19 year-old boyfriend of Jamie Lynn Spears is not the babydaddy:

"But now Star magazine insists that the teenager may not be the dad - and that Spears’ friends and family think it is an older man who would face statutory rape charges. Friends have said that Jamie Lynn was no longer even seeing Casey - and family members told Star that they believe the real father is a much older executive at her children’s TV show ‘Zoey 101′."

“Casey is being paid off to be the family’s fall guy while the real father remains unidentified,” Star magazine insists. They say the real reason is that an older man could be charged with statutory rape if revealed to be the father of an under-aged girl’s baby."

Only in the Spears family. I don't know which is worse: that story or the story that was floating around that Lil' Romeo was the father. It's about a tie.

Merry Christmas

On behalf of the entire staff of Hollywood Nation, Merry Christmas!

WWE Tribute To The Troops

For 98% of the year, I'm humiliated at the very thought that people who I know are flipping channels, landing on wrestling programming, seeing such things as Leprechans walking through walls, CEOs blowing up in limos, food fights, etc. and imagining me sitting there watching this and going wild. Last night's annual WWE Tribute To The Troops show did not fall into that category. It was one of those few times in recent years that I was proud to be a wrestling fan. If you've never seen it, the WWE sends some of its crew to Iraq to put on a show, plus there are clips of the WWE stars mingling and signing autographs. The troops always seem so appreciative. The WWE always puts on a good show for them and everyone seems to have a good time. Props to our troops and props to WWE.

The Adventures of Mimi Live DVD

I went into my local Streetside Records/FYE a couple of weeks ago like a good Lamb to get the new Mariah Carey "Adventures of Mimi" DVD and they looked at me like I was insane. Then I found out that it was a Best Buy exclusive. So I made the thirty minute trip to the nearest location and picked up a copy. With a gift card that I had on hand, it only cost me a couple of bucks. That's neither here nor there. I watched it last week. Disc One is a live concert from last year's fantastic Adventures of Mimi tour. Disc Two is a couple of skits that I already saw online and a behind the scenes documentary that I haven't watched yet because, God bless her, but sometimes hearing Mimi chit-chat can be brutal. Anyway, instead of reviewing the DVD, here are highlights of my write-up from last year's tour when she made a stop in Chicago:

* * * * *

In 2003, I finally got a chance to see one of my favorite singers, Mariah Carey, live in concert when she played the Fox Theatre here in St. Louis. At the time, she was just getting over the Glitter/"Mariah Carey is absolutely nuts" phase of her career and the sales of her new album were struggling. Since that time, she's had a huge comeback as sales of the follow-up CD, "The Emancipation of Mimi", have gone through the roof and earned numerous awards. Now that she was back on top of the music industry, there was no way in the world that she was stepping in the state of Missouri for her latest concert tour. I checked and the nearest place she would be playing was Chicago. Then I had a bright idea-- don't I have a sister in Chicago that I need to visit? Which of course led us to see...

The Adventures of Mimi Tour
Mariah Carey
The Voice, The Hits, The Tour
United Center
Chicago, Illinois
Monday, September 11th, 2006

- We arrived at the United Center around 8. People were still filing in. The crowd was almost as diverse as an American Idol show. It was mostly 20 to 40 year olds and there were was an almost even mixture of blacks, whites, and Latinos. And you know the hoochies were out in force. Tell me this: what in the world makes a broad come out in public wearing a short white fur coat with booty shorts?

- The opening act was dancehall artist Sean Paul, best known for his hits "Temperature" and "Get Busy", which was once used in a hideous Hardee's commercial where a guy was dancing with a cow. The audience was really into him and he kept them hyped for his whole set.

- After Sean Paul finished, there was about a half hour to change the stage and suddenly the place went dark. The screens showed point-of-view footage of a roller coaster going around on a track. Mariah's voice narrated over the film: "Sometimes life can kinda be like a roller coaster ride...." Aw, here we go! Painful. Can we just cut through the B.S. and get to some short skirts and "Vision of Love"?

- Luckily, soon afterwards the opening strains of "It's Like That" began and Mariah herself emerged from the top of the stage. The crowd went wild. And folks, she came up to the mound throwing some serious heat. She was wearing a black bikini top and shorts that covered approximately 1/4 of her behind. It was the kind of stuff that makes a brother want to jump up and start singing "Creepin" by Luther Vandross. Unfortunately, she also had on this sheer cape thing that never allowed anyone to really get a solid look to see what was going on back there. I had been worried since a few weeks ago when the Crunk and Disorderly blog had posted a picture of her from earlier in the tour with the caption: "Mariah, would you like some syrup to go with that pancake ass?" That even hurt my feelings. Anyway, from the little I could see, things weren't totally flat yet.

- Back to the show, the second song of the evening was "Heartbreaker", which featured our first special guest of the evening, Chicago's very own Da Brat. This was followed by "Dreamlover", "My All" and "Shake It Off" (for which they brought down the giant lighted "MIMI" sign like in the video!). The funniest part was when she started singing over the beat for Biggy Smalls' "Juicy" and this Latino lady in front of us jumped out of her seat and went completely crazy.

- During the first of about three breaks that she took, DJ Clue rocked the crowd by playing bits of such hits as "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough" by Michael Jackson, "I Got Five On It" by The Luniz and the more recent "Shoulder Lean" by Young Dro and T.I. The crowd was mega-hyped for this. It was one of the highlights of the night.

- Next was the power ballad portion of the evening. Mariah returned to the stage wearing what was probably at one time an elegant yellow ball gown-- until she took the Hoochie Scissors to it. She reeled off three huge ballads in succession: "Vision of Love", "Fly Like A Bird", and the Jackson 5 remake of "I'll Be There". She hit all of the high notes and did all of the vocal gymnastics that have become her trademark. The crowd absolutely ate it up and she got a couple of standing ovations. She was joined on "I'll Be There" by her backup singer Trey Lorenz. This segment was probably the best of the night. After that, she left the stage to take another break. Trey took over and sang two Luther Vandross songs and his version of "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley. To his credit, he was able to hold the crowd's attention, which wasn't an easy feat, especially considering that he wasn't even wearing a bikini top and a cape.

- Part Three. The lights went out and psychedelic imagery showed on the screens. After about a minute or so the words "Keepin' it real, son" filled the arena and the face of the late Old Dirty Bastard a.k.a. The Osirus a.k.a. Big Baby Jesus appeared on the screen. It was the start of one Mariah's biggest hits, "Fantasy". The lights came back on and Mariah was now on a small square disco-type stage that was in the center of the arena floor. We wondered how she had magically appeared there. Incidentally, she was wearing some tight ass capri pants. The crowd loved the song and even though it is about ten years old, we sang to every word of ODB's rap in the song, including one of the best lines in rap history "me and Mariah go back like babies and pacifiers".

- She took a break from singing to address the crowd. She informed us that she "wears the tightest pants in the world" and that this was the last night for it. Aw, I bet she says that to all the cities. If this was indeed the last night however, I would like to offer a giant thank you.

- Also during this set, Da Brat joined her once again during "Always Be My Baby". Mariah left the square disco stage and walked through the crowd (with security in tow) and went back to the main stage. In the official Adventures of Mimi tour program it says, uh, I mean, I'm told it says "Why wouldn't I walk thru the audience? (Well, a friendly game of grabass immediately comes to mind). Hello! We're all just human beings having an experience together". I wonder if she really believes any of this stuff in the tour program? Surely someone else wrote it and she just laughed and signed off on it. Anyway, she performed my favorite Mimi song "Honey", so I was happy.

- Costume change time. More DJ Clue. A little bit of Ray Charles' "I Got A Woman" segued into Kanye West's "Golddigger". The crowd was as hyped as ever.

- With the capris returned safely to the hoochie side of the closet, presumably to never be seen again, Mariah emerged back on stage in another elegant dress, which could only mean one thing: more ballads. Since this show took place on 9/11, the 5th anniversary of the WTC bombings, she dedicated this portion to the victims and families. She addressed the crowd and said that she would like to express her "grievances" to the families. Uuuuuh, we know she meant. She knocked out "One Sweet Day" and "Hero". After a mini fake encore ceremony, she came back and sang "We Belong Together". Good night. Drive home safely. House lights. Parking lot.

- Verdict: Hot show, nice outfits, excellent singing. I think even my sister enjoyed it. If you only see one Mariah Carey concert this year, make sure it's The Adventures of Mimi Tour.

Survivor Lunch Lady Scandal

Shananigans! Turns out the tearful speech that the Lunch Lady gave at the Survior Reunion show was a sham. She was whining that since she went back to work, she was taken from her lunch lady job because she was a distraction to the kids and was made to clean toilets on a different shift. The story was so sad that CBS gave her $50,000 on the show. Turns out there were some holes in the story. According to school officials, the janitor job was a promotion and she ASKED for it because there was more pay and benefits. Whoops. After going on the CBS Morning Show and backpeddling, saying she didn't mean to mislead anyone (yeah, right) she donated the money to charity (which was probably CBS' way of letting her out of the situation and still saving face). I guess the Skinny Waitress Girl was right-- she was a loser in life. She had a chance to do be the best thing to happen to school lunch ladies since Adam Sandler and Chris Farley but she blew it.

Oh Hells No!

"I saw her sister, who really needs her ass kicked,

Only thirteen and already pregnant"--

Ice Cube from "Once Upon A Time In the Projects"

Well, at least she's sixteen. More trouble in the Spears family; unfortunately this doesn't involved shears or showing up fat for the MTV Awards. Britney's sixteen year old sister is pregnant. Even worse, the father is her 19 year old live-in boyfriend. What kind of parents are these? I don't care if she does have a TV show; why are her parents letting her live with her boyfriend? I bet they were the only ones shocked at this result too. Her parents should be dragged to the middle of the town square of their little village in Louisiana and whupped unmercifly by the locals. Yes, "whupped" with a "u". In addition to having to prepare her child for a lifetime of "you were a mistake" jokes, I would imagine that Jamie is also going to lose her job on the Nickelodeon show. These are business people. They can't have this tramp on the airwaves while they're trying to hock Dora the Explorer popcicles-- it ain't gonna work. Britney is going to be furious that the trainwreck crown has been temporarily stolen.

The Dark Knight Trailer

It's on and poppin':

On Top of the World

He's the number one man in our sport again. At Sunday night's Armaggedeon pay-per-view show, the one and only Edge (above) ran through Batista and The Undertaker to become the World Champion once again. Rejoice amongst yourselves!

Props

I belated shout-out to Madonna, who will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2008. What a story of inspiration: a little girl from Detroit with humble beginnings and a dream who became an American icon and developed an annoying English accent. It brings a tear to my eye. Congrats.

Survivor: China Finale

Survivor ended its latest season last night with a three hour special on CBS. When the smoke cleared, Todd the scheming flight attendant (above) beat the Kylie Minogue lookalike Amanda and Courtney the skeletal waitress. This will go down as the season of huge racks and the skinniest cast yet. James, the guy who had two immunity idols and played neither, was rewarded $100,000 in a fan poll for his stupidity. The most remarkable thing was how the contestants looked totally different at the reunion show. I didn't recognize the three finalists, espeically Courtney, who looked somewhat human on the live show.

At least now that the season has ended, Ashley Massaro can finally return to WWE. Since she left, her character has missed: the owner of the company blowing up, the owner of the company returning with the no explanation, the death of the company's greatest in-ring worker, the mysterious disappearance of her arch rival Kristal, the heart attack of the GM, and a new GM being named. That poor girl is going to be so confused.

Britney Update

The Human Trainwreck continues to roll on. Yesterday Britney was supposed to go to a court ordered deposition concerning the custody of her childern but she no-showed, allegedly because she got scared of the press that had gathered outside her house. I call bullshit. How come that never bothers her when she needs to go out to Starbucks, to shop for chandeliers or when its time to get all of her hair shaved off? It's far beyond the time to lock this young tramp up.

WWE Raw 15th Anniversary Show

WWE celebrated the 15th Anniversary of its flagship show, Monday Night Raw, on Monday with a fun three hour show that saw cameos from stars that haven't been around in awhile like Steve Austin, Mick Foley, Sunny, Marty Jannetty, Ted DiBiase, Dusty Rhodes and many others. Even though some of it was predictable (Bruce Mitchell of the Pro Wrestling Torch called it that Vince would name himself the greatest superstar of Raw then get beat up by everyone) it was still a good show. The effort paid off because they had their highest ratings since March. My favorite moments included:

- The return of Rob Van Dam!
- Seeing Sunny back on the national stage
- Realizing that Hornswoggle can't talk (I guess because he's short)
- The Godfather
- Molly!
- The battle royal with some of the older stars
- Edge coming out to reform Rated RKO
- Hogan coming out to kiss ass and pose with Hornswoggle
- Vince saying "I hate you"
- The clips of the old days
- The beer bash at the end

Great show, back to the same old crap next week.

Congratulations!

Props to Floyd "Money" Mayweather Jr. for knocking Ricky Hatton the F out on Saturday and retaining his title. Hatton got knocked out clean in the 10th round. Thanks for coming. That had to be a long, quiet flight back to England for Hatton and those fools that flew all the way over here to see him get trounced. Floyd was accompanied to the ring by some of his Dancing with the Stars cronies, including Race Car Guy and Mark Cuban, which wsa pretty damn funny. As good as the fight was, it wasn't the best fight of the night as the UFC put on a great show that same night with dudes just beating the hell out of each other. Then the Sports Gods evened things out the next day by giving us the worst football games of the year on Sunday. I was looking forward to the Steelers/Patriots game all week and by the 3rd quarter I was watching Mariah Carey sing "I'll Be There" on DVD. I guess you can't have everything.

Happy Anniversary!

Tonight is the three hour special to celebrate the 15th Anniversary of WWE Monday Night Raw. There are supposed to be appearances by a number of superstars from the past including Steve Austin, Sunny (above), Mick Foley and that clown Hulk Hogan in addition to the Evolution reunion and the McMahon Family portrait. That's a lineup almost worthy of missing Deal or No Deal.

Finally, PETA Does Something Worthwhile

Here is PETA's latest anti-fur ad, starring Eva Mendes. Damn, it makes you wanna go and throw out ya momma's fur coat.

Spice-Mania

Team Spice made their return to the U.S. airwaves last night with an appearance on the CBS Victoria's Secret Fashion Show special. They performed "Stop" (actually, I should say lip synced) to a standing ovation in the living room. During the taping a couple of weeks ago, they did one of their new songs also but for some reason it didn't make air. Also, a few days ago they began their world tour. I've heard mixed reviews but if you actually go to a show Spice Girls show, you pretty much know what you're getting into. I'm just happy that the reunion tour has actually happened. On a side note, props to Geri Halliwell/Ginger Spice (above left) for the hard work and weight loss but I liked her better when she was heavier. She should kick it at the Chinese buffet near my house for the weekend.

Coming: Summer 2008

Awwww, shit!

JLH Is Ticked

Jennifer Love Hewitt is angry about people's comments regarding the photos that were recently posted all around the internet which showed her on the beach while she was vacationing in Hawaii. Let's just say that the lighting and airbrushing from the Hanes ads were much more flattering to her bum than the beach pix.
Here's what she had to say on her official website:

"I've sat by in silence for a long time now about the way women's bodies are constantly scrutinized. To set the record straight, I'm not upset for me, but for all of the girls out there that are struggling with their body image. A size 2 is not fat! Nor will it ever be. And being a size 0 doesn't make you beautiful.

What I should be doing is celebrating some of the best days of my life and my engagement to the man of my dreams, instead of having to deal with photographers taking invasive pictures from bad angles. I know what I look like, and so do my friends and family. And like all women out there should, I love my body.

To all girls with butts, boobs, hips and a waist, put on a bikini -- put it on and stay strong."

Bless her little heart. Don't feel bad, Jennifer. A lot of people love a giant, unruly ass. After all, they're still letting Jennifer Lopez make movies. You're just what we call "thick" now; be proud of it and move on. I'm just still hoping for the cancellation of Ghost Whisperer so that you can fulfill your destiny and appear in Penthouse-- hopefully soon, before you get married and blow up completely.

Turning Point Results

Last night's Turning Point pay-per-view was a decent show. The best match was Gail Kim (above) vs. the nearly 300 pound Awesome Kong. The story of the match was that Kong was too much for Gail but Gail kept fighting back and threw everything but the kitchen sink at her and still it wasn't enough. Finally Kong presumably decided to kill her by choking her and the ref stepped in. Kong powerbombed the referee, leading to a DQ. Kong then laid out Angelina Love and Velvet Skye and left the ring with all four bodies laying out limp in the ring. The Wrestling Observer called this one of the most heated women's matches in decades.

Also, on Friday Ring of Honor put on an excellent PPV, main evented by an insane ladder match with the Briscoe Brothers over El Generico and Kevin Steene. The show was great from top to bottom and well worth the fifteen bones. Be sure to check this one out.

Must See TV

Good news for the star of my favorite movie, Elizabeth Berkley of Showgirls (a.k.a. Jessie from Saved By The Bell). She will be hosting her own reality show according to zap2it.com:

" ...it looks like Berkley will serve as host for the Bravo reality competition series "Step It Up and Dance." Formerly titled "Step It Up," the series will challenge contestants to master a diverse assortment of dance disciplines (not to be confused with "styles") including ballet, ballroom, burlesque and Broadway."

Why Berkley? Who cares, I'm just happy she's back in the spotlight. In addition, she also just received a recurring role on CSI:Miami. I couldn't be any happier. Actually if someone would come up with a good script for "Showgirls 2: Nomi's Revenge", I would be happier.

Britney, Here is Your Future

I kind of feel sorry for Tara Reid. But then again, I'm soft. And we thought she had hit rock bottom with Taradise.