Tyra in People Magazine

I picked up the latest People magazine, which featured my girl Tyra Banks on the cover. She has put on a little weight since she retired from modeling. Right there on the cover, she just put it out there: she weighs 161 pounds-- and still looks great. I guess this was in response to the tabloids, who were probably showing her in unflattering photos on the beach or in the Hardee's line. This was probably her way of saying "Screw you! I look good and I've got two TV shows! And yes, I will have cheese on that!" Good for her.

I was switching last night between American Idol and the return of NBC's reality comedy series Dateline: To Catch A Predator. You can seperate the regular perverts from the top tier perverts by the phrase "he even sent a photo of his genitals". Over on Idol, Paula was as loopy as I had ever seen her. One guy did a Michael Jackson song almost perfectly and she was complaining that he was off key. She was acting stranger than usual. Halfway through the show she disappeared but I didn't hear if they offered an excuse as to why. I imagine she eventually succumed to the effects of her "soda", passed out and was actually under that table the entire time. She was so goofy that the rumors of her being replaced by Courtney Love even started to make sense. That's like a movie producer saying "Anna Nicole Smith is messed up, do you think we could get that Lindsay Lohan?" Ideally, they should scrap the entire panel and go with 1) Wayne Brady (he was a guest judge on Star Search a few years back and just did a phenominal job of mixing humor with good critiques), 2) my friend the Black Charmer (because he could possibly say anything at any time) and 3) WWE's Kristal Marshall (just because she is totally hot).

He's Going To WrestleMania!

Congratulations go out to the Undertaker, the winner of last night's WWE Royal Rumble. He threw the "Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels over the top rope for the victory. The win means that the Undertaker has earned a shot at the WWE Title at WrestleMania 23, where he will likely face the champ Batista in a two-star match that will take place while I am out getting a refill on corn chips.

So Close, But Yet So Far...

When I first saw this cover online, I put on a gray sweatsuit and a black ski cap, ran up a flight of stairs, and raised my arms triumphantly like Slyvester Stallone in Rocky. Then I found out that she was just doing the 20 Questions article. According to the New York Post:

"Can't wait to see Mariah Carey naked in Playboy? Sorry, you won't. The voluptuous singer is set to appear on the March cover, but she didn't pose nude. "They are outtakes from an album cover shoot," said an insider."

Talk about bait and switch. I guess it's gonna take the release of Glitter 2 for her to actually take it off. Please stop buying this woman's CDs. And if they ever let her make another movie, please ignore it. At least we'll always have this, the ultimate "this song sucks, so let me find the smallest shorts imaginable" video.

Outta There

It has been reported that CBS has pulled the reality show Armed and Famous, starring former wrestling champ Trish Stratus (above), from its schedule effective immediately (probably never to return). I guess it got slaughtered by going against American Idol and reruns of The Jeffersons. Too bad, I thought Trish made a good accounting of herself. I'm sure there will be other roles. As you could probably tell by now, this post was just an excuse to put up a picture of Trish Stratus.

Quick Notes on American Idol

Tuesday's show was an embarrassment to the Memphis educational system. I couldn't understand some of them. In that entire hour, there were about two good contestants... You knew New York would be a mess. There were a few good ones, but you knew the nutcases would be out in force. How come folks don't want to take "no" for an answer this year? Have some pride and walk out of the room with your head held high and face your humiliated family members with some dignity. Cut out all of that begging... For about 45 minutes, I thought the guest judge was Joan Collins... The girl who wanted them to teach her to sing might have been the craziest contestant in the history of the show-- and think of the ground that covers... I wanted to hate the "Rocky" girl, but then she chose one of my all-time favorites, Mary J's "Love No Limit" (which is impossible to sing) and she pulled it off... Simon did get one good line in when he told that last nutcase on the show "I don't think rational advice will apply". With that said, he is so damn smug and arrogant this year. It's time that someone dropped him off at the Arby's near my house at 3AM on a Saturday and let nature takes its course. He would be back three weeks later, bandaged and bruised, but 100 times more humble and helpful as hell.

Lockdown

Right on the heels of us being awarded the 2009 MLB All-Star game, now this:

"Total Nonstop Action (TNA) Wrestling announced today that “Lockdown 2007” will be held live at the Family Arena in St. Louis on April 15, airing exclusively on pay-per-view. TNA President Dixie Carter made the announcement tonight live on “The Stranglehold” radio show (KFNS 590 AM) in St. Louis. She also confirmed that the April weekend in St. Louis also will include an all-access chance to meet the stars of TNA at “TNA Fan Interaction," which puts the stars of TNA up close and personal with the fans for a once in a lifetime meet-and-greet opportunity.

"Lockdown" is unlike any other wrestling pay-per-view in that every match takes place inside TNA's infamous Six Sides of Steel, promising some of the most unforgettable moments of the year. The announcement comes on the heels of St. Louis Cardinals shortstop and World Series MVP David Eckstein announcing that “Team Eckstein” would battle "Team Pierzynski," led by Chicago White Sox catcher A.J. Pierzynski, on Feb. 11, at the “Against All Odds” pay-per-view in Orlando. Tickets for “Lockdown” will go on sale at 10 a.m. CT, Friday, February 16, at the Family Arena Box Office (2002 Arena Parkway, St. Charles, MO 63303), all Metrotix outlets, online at Metrotix.com or by calling (314) 534-1111.Several TNA stars will be in St. Louis for the on-sale event. Full details about the Feb. 16 autograph session will be available at www.TNAWrestling.com."

And with this, we have regained our status as the number one sports city in the nation.

Weekend Round-Up

News and notes from the past week:

Who had the worst week: Britney or Lindsay? Let's see:

Britney: Allegedly threw up on her new boyfriend (who was also pictured this week going on a K-Fedesque shopping spree). She also asked the NFL Network if she could appear at one of their Super Bowl functions but was turned down. It was reported that the NFL Network thought she was too much of a "trainwreck" and added "plus, we already have Paris Hilton" (oh HELL'S NO!). Now confirmed to be below Paris Hilton in the pecking order.

Lindsay- This young tramp reportedly was at a Golden Globes party and tried to get the attention of the guy who played the Green Goblin's son in Spider-Man. He was not havin' it. She was later seen passed out in the hallway of the Beverly Wilshire hotel. She was in rehab the next day. Her Mom then appeared on Entertainment Tonight. I didn't have the sound up, but I could tell she was whiny. And a skank.

"Winner": I think this is Lindsay's low point. It could only be funnier if that guy was wearing the Green Goblin mask when he was turning her down. I can just imagine her in that hallway, covered by an L.A. Times, dogs lifting their legs on her, and the cast of Flava of Love 2 walking by, looking down on her, saying "what a f***ing mess", and having a big laugh.

Other thoughts: 24 is still the best show on TV. Conversley, VH-1's The Surreal Life Fame Games is the saddest and most humiliating show, both for the cast and for anyone caught watching it. I would not dream of missing an episode. It is followed by the most contrived show on TV: Hogan Knows Best. I have had a long-time love/hate relationship regarding Hulk Hogan, personified this weekend when I bought the latest Hogan Classic Superstars figure, then watched the show this morning and spent 30 minutes thinking of which member of the cast I liked the least. Probably the mom. This week's episode was written about how daughter Brooke appeared on FHM Magazine to the "horror" of Daddy Hulk. Then Hulk and his son bought every copy in the stores around their house so no one would see it. Give me a break. In reality, he couldn't have been happier that she was on the cover of a national magazine. I like how she's said in the past that she doesn't want to use the family name to become a success. I would like to add that "Hogan" isn't even their real name; it's Bollea... Flashback song of the week: 1995's "Supa Star" by Group Home. Mid-90's underground East Coast hip hop its finest... Funniest rumor of the week: Sci-Fi's ECW is going to become an all-black wrestling show... Will somebody please beat the Patriots? Please!... Is Whitney Houston really dating Brandy's brother Ray-J? Unnnn, that's nasty, baby... Why would Total Nonstop Action Wrestling put A.J. Styles against Kurt Angle on free TV with no build-up? That would have been a heck of a pay-per-view match! I guess the wrestling companies don't want to make money anymore... Until later....

Bam Bam Bigelow, 1961-2007

From wrestlingobserver.com: "The Pasco County Sheriff's Office has confirmed the death of Scott "Bam Bam" Bigelow at the age of 45. Bigelow, a major star in the 80s and 90s throughout the world, was found dead by his girlfriend at their place of residence in Hudson, Fla. when she woke up at 10 a.m. Police haven't been able to pinpoint the time of death nor a cause of death. At his peak, he was one of the top wrestlers in the world, including main eventing the 1995 Wrestlemania in Hartford, Ct. against NFL legend Lawrence Taylor. He also headlined in WCW, ECW, New Japan Pro Wrestling and virtually everywhere else he appeared."

American Idol, Day 2

Seattle was terrible. Too many goofs just trying to get on TV. The show completely derailed when they let that guy sing "Unchained Melody" in its entirety. I can't believe that people stand in line for two days so that they can go home and say "Look Mom, I'm on TV singing off key! Isn't that clever?" You can see that every Saturday here in St. Louis on Junior Stars so what's the big deal? They need to stick to the people who are actually trying to get on the show rather than the goofs. This is slowly turning into the audience of Let's Make A Deal. I fully expect someone to show up in a chicken costume next week. Note to everyone who wants to "try out" on American Idol just you can have your fifteen minutes of fame: The William Hung thing only happened once and it's never gonna happen again. YOU are not funny! You're only making a fool of yourself at this point. They can't get to the real part of the show soon enough.

Tonight: A.J. Styles vs. Kurt Angle on Impact! You know you can't get enough of the Adreneline Rush.

Thoughts On The Season Premiere of American Idol

The show that brought us such things as The Soul Patrol, Claymates, She Bangs, Kelly Clarkson's ass, and sassy English men is back for another season. Yes, it's another season of the unstoppable American Idol. I don't have much to say except:

- The first girl they showed (guest judge Jewel's "Number One Fan") was the show at its finest: delusional people who think they can sing but don't get a reality check until they are in front of the panel. I blame the girl's family. They knew she couldn't sing! Why subject her to this kind of humiliaton? Then she cried like her entire life was over. Did she really think she was going to win the thing? What are the odds? It's damn near impossible! Oh well, back to the makeup chair at the Mall of America.

- They can tell who is really trying to audition and who is just trying to be on TV. If someone walks in with a costume, skateboard, pogo stick, a beard, any kind of prop, or if they are Asian and want to sing any Ricky Martin song, then they shouldn't even be allowed in. It's not even funny at this point.

- This is a multi-million dollar operation. You would think they could fix a door.

- Oh Paula. Poor Paula. It looked like she had just come in from a weekend bender, they propped her up in the chair and told her to just repeat "yes or no" depending on what Randy or Jewel said. I don't believe she even said a complete sentence in the entire two hours. This is right on the heels of her doing the satellite interviews were she appeared to be high. The excuses were ridiculous: she was doing two interviews at the same time, she couldn't hear, she was on medication. Whatever. Just own it! You were at the bar the night before, some brother bought you a Cognac, and before you knew it you woke up not knowing what century it was! Everyone would have been fine with that. It's so sad. It's hard to believe that this woman was once on top of the world with "Vibeology".

- Gee, I can't imagine how the Shakira wannabe advanced. Was it the butchering of "Call Me"? The ten second imitation of "Hips Don't Lie"? Or was it based 99% on looks? Simon's eyes looked like two fried eggs when she walked in. I guess she did have a good backstory (no pun intended) though: "I came to this country with just my backpack, my teddy bear, a hellified rumpshaker and a dream". Even Fantasia and Kelly Clarkson were saying "Now that's a big ass!" She'll probably win at all. Not that I'm opposed to it.

-I guarantee that Paula doesn't remember any of this.

- The girl who was flown in by her boss messed up by picking "Tell Me Something Good", which is impossible to sing. She did much better on "Fever", even though it was creepy that she was singing it to her boss. I'm sure she'll be much more successful when he flies her in for the inevitable Playboy's Reality Show Rejects audition.

- Can't wait for tonight and the mutants of Seattle.

Best of 2006

These are my top 20 favorite songs of 2006. I would have posted these around the first of the year, but of course I didn't have a blog then:

1. "Here I Come" The Roots
2. "Number One" Pharrell w/ Kanye West
3. "Why You Wanna" T.I.
4. "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going" Jennifer Hudson
5. "Sexyback" Justin Timberlake w/ Timbaland
6. "Capital P, Capital H" Mobb Deep
7. "It's Goin' Down" Young Joc
8. "On Our Way" Christina Aquilera
9. "Mornin'" George Benson and Al Jarreau
10. "Ain't No Other Man" Christina Aquilera
11. "Touch The Sky" Kanye West
12. "Crazy" Gnarls Barkley
13. "London Bridge" Fergie
14. "S.O.S." Rihanna
15. "Show Me What You Got" Jay-Z
16. "Ridin'" Chamillionaire w/ Krayzie Bone
17. "So Sick" Ne-Yo
18. "Wind It Up" Gwen Stefani
19. "Deja Vu" Beyonce
20. "I'm Every Woman" Mandisa

Armed and Famous

On Wednesday and Thursday night, CBS debuted its latest reality series, Armed and Famous. On paper, the concept sounded like something that I could easily skip: hijinx ensue when five celebrities train to be on the Muncie, Indiana police force, then they go on assignments with real officers. I probably would have skipped it, except one of the celebrities turned out to be former seven time WWE Women's champion Trish Stratus (pictured above, kinda), so I was on board. I was just hopeful that she fared better than Chris Jericho on that celebrity singing show (he was robbed and you know it). The other participants were Ozzy Osbourne's son, the short guy from the TV series and movie Jackass, Ponch from the 80's series CHIPS, and what appeared to be Latoya Jackson's grandmother.

The show started by introducing each celebrity, showing their background and explaining why they wanted to become police officers. Shockingly, none of them mentioned "to get some valuable exposure on national TV". I was surprised that the training footage only lasted about a half hour. I thought that would go on for about two episodes. The trainees learned how to shoot guns (Jack Osborne said nothing was more terrifying than standing next to Latoya Jackson holding a gun-- I imagine her Poppa Joe with a gun would be a tad scarier), went through field training and self defense techniques. They even got shot by the taser. Nothing's funnier than seeing people got shot by the taser "just to see how it feels" and go screaming in agony. Even the other celebrites were laughing. If somebody created a show called "Tasers" that just showed people getting shocked by tasers for an hour, they could put it against Monday Night Football, WWE Raw, 24, I Love New York, and G-String Divas and I would still watch it. So after the training, the celebs went to a ceremony to get sworn in and take the oath and they were off. Highlights and observations:

- The most surprising person was Wee Man from Jackass. I thought he would be obnoxious and I didn't expect to like him, but he took the job seriously, did a good job and turned out to be the coolest one. On the other hand, Latoya lived down to expectations of being the crazy one. At the beginning she called home and spoke to "Jackie" (i.e. the dial tone) and told him not to tell anyone, including mother! Woman, you're about 75 years old! Is your mother going to put you on punishment? Then of course, there was the expected random craziness like asking for a tablecloth at a local restaurant and asking if the grocery store in Muncie had caviar. The capper though was that she was afraid of cats. Cats! She wouldn't go into one house because there was a cat in there. She ran back to the police car in fear. Can you imagine just one day in the Jackson household? People running away from cats, walking around in veils, randomly showing one boob and such. Anyway, she went through some therapy and is no longer afraid of the little fellas.

- Everyone that got arrested by Erik Estrada was just sooooo happy to see him. They offered no resistance at all; they were just so giddy! At the start of the second show, they nabbed this guy in a domestic disturbance dispute and you have never seen a black man so happy to go to jail. Which got me to thinking, this could really catch on. Put yourself in the suspect's place if they were being arrested by a 70's or 80's TV star. Lets say that someone was robbing a bank and got caught as they were walking out. Of course, they would put up resistance and deny it, even with the bag in hand. "I didn't do nothing! You need to be out finding real criminals! Mind your business! You ain't gonna....Michael? Are.. are you Michael from Good Times?! Man, where have you been? Yeah, man I took this little money from the bank, but man, let's talk about you! Remember that time that dude had stole your lunch money and you brought him home and he had looked like Prince....". This would go on all the way through fingerprinting and the issuing of the orange jumpsuit. No more billy clubs and resisting arrest-- criminals would walk in calmly and be happy to do it!

- Erik Estrada broke wind on national TV. Never thought I would see that.

- On Jack Osboune's first night side by side with a real officer, as they were driving down a bad part of Muncie, he locked the door (force of habit I guess). The officer howled.

- Trish was solid. She consoled victims of a fire AND caught a prostitute. When the lady denied giving oral gratification for a mere twenty bones, Trish reached in the lady's pocket, pulled out a folded up $20.00 bill and said "What is this then?" Busted! That lady's pimp is going to be furious.

Those were the major things, although I fell asleep on about the last twenty minutes. The show was better than I thought. I hope it does good ratings and catches on so that Trish can get more mainstream exposure and get an even better gig on a bigger show like Flavor of Love or something.

Television At Its Finest

On Monday, one of cable's highest rated shows, WWE Raw, made it's return to St. Louis and the Scottrade Center. It was my first time going to the Scottrade Center and it was amazingly similar in design and structure to the old Savvis Center. Anyway, here are some notes from a monumental edition of WWE Raw:

The Good

- We had decent seats. Of course when we got to our seats (no usher in sight, I might add) some brother and his woman were not just sitting, but sprawled out in the seats like they were settling in for the winter. They had stuff everywhere. After a very pleasant exchange, I am happy to report that they got ta steppin' without incident.

- I got to see some of my favories, including Ric Flair (he didn't talk, but he did make a brief cameo giving a low blow to Kenny Dykstra), the spectacular Victoria, Shelton Benjamin, and Edge. We had a spirited conversation about WWE Women's Champion Mickie James. She seems like a really neat lady.

- During one of the breaks they played an excellent video on the big screen of the WWE Divas to Jet's "Are You Gonna Be My Girl". I admired it for its great production values.

- No, really.

- And in other good news, no one hopped the rail and jumped into the ring, not always a given in St. Louis.

The Bad

- The main event was WWE Champion John Cena (fresh from a non-title loss to the massive Kevin Federline-Spears) against the seven foot giant The Great Khali in an epic battle that lasted all of two minutes. Not exactly Flair vs. Steamboat.

- Some fan (a grown ass man!) had a sign that said "Get Well, Triple H". What a sap.

- On the way home, my friend Upgrade and I spotted a middle aged white woman yelling and seemingly pleading her case to some young G in a black leather coat. We knew it could only mean one thing: somebody came up short on the money! Woman, give that man his 100 percent! I didn't even know they had set up a track on North Broadway.

The Ugly

- The show was largely built around a "match" between a Rosie O'Donnell impersonator and a Donald Trump impersonator. This was almost typical WWE brand humor (i.e. not funny) except it went well past the normal standards. This was an abomination of epic proportions. And it went on forever. Think of the worst Saturday Night Live skit that you've ever seen and triple it. Time stood still as these two had a fake fake wrestling match. I could feel a beard growing. To the fans' credit, they were chanting such thing as "BORING", "We want wrestling", and "TNA" (Total Nonstop Action, a rival wrestling group on Spike TV). When "Rosie" kicked out of a pin attempt, the crowd erupted in boos because they were so ready for it to be over. This thing ended with "Trump" throwing a cake in her face (at least that's how I think it ended-- I had zoned out and was thinking about football by then). Just dreadful. But they're back in May!

Welcome

Hello and welcome to my blog. I figured that it was time to put my two cents in. In upcoming posts, I will provide my commentary on such important world issues as the entertainment world, pro wrestling, St. Louis media, the rapid decline of Britney Spears, music, and whatever else comes to mind. Thanks for reading and I would love to hear any comments and feedback. I'll be back soon.