Sneak Preview

Here's an early look at WWE Diva Maria's Playboy cover, on sale at newsstands on March 7th or at Playboystore.com. (When was the last time you've been to a newsstand? Is this 1962?)

American Idol

Maybe I was just crabby this week but I didn't really like anyone on this week's Idol shows. There were a lot of forgettable performances and a few trainwrecks. If I had to pick one from each side, I would have to go with the last performer from each night: David and Asia'h. None of the eliminated contestants was a big surprise, although I was really hoping that the clown who wore the tuxedo t-shirt would be voted off just for wearing the tuxedo t-shirt. I felt bad for the girl who nearly broke down after she was cut. It reminded me of junior high when they would announce over the loudspeaker who made the cheerleading team, then some broad who tried out would bust out crying because she didn't make it and there would be an embarrassing debacle in the hallway. I hope everyone does better next week, in what I would presume would be 80's Week.

New Mariah

The video for Mariah's new song "Touch My Body" debuted yesterday (above). Not only does she look great in it, but she is actually funny, doing a bunch of nerdy things. The only way that it could have been better is if she had been playing with wrestling dolls. Nonetheless-- fantastic job!

Gratuitous Brooke Hogan Photos

(Credit: INF Photo)

Flavor of Love

Just when it looked like the show was getting boring, they came up with a good episode. This week the girls got split up into two teams to build makeshift restaurants with Flavor Flav themes. The winning team got to to on a date with Flavor to a skating rink. The losing team got to go on TWO dates with Flavor (just kidding). Anyway, the restaurants were sad, with odd decorations, the wrong spelling of Flavor's name (he hates that!), and salty and rich food. Before it was all said and done, someone had insulted another girl's sick mother, Shy (above) was cracking me up by going off on people, there was arguing and someone finally admitted that she didn't think Flav was attractive (she was also booted this week). Alas, it looks like the drama is back and the franchise has been saved.

Oscars?

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Idol Results

Not a good week to be one of my picks. I had declared that Rocker Girl and Plus Sized Model were my favorites on the women's side and lo and behold, they both were on the chopping block. In the end PSM's weak vocals on Wednesday sent her home. Luckily RG wore some interesting pants or she probably would have been sent packing too. On the guy's side, the guy that looked like Ellen and someone who I totally forgot got sent home. The skinny guy who sang Elvis was looking more nervous than Paris Hilton at a spelling bee. I don't think he is long for the competition. Hopefully the token black guy will smarten up next week, wear a normal suit and stop arguing with the judges.

Baby News

Congratulations to Jennifer Lopez, who gave birth to twins earlier this morning. Reportedly, both kids are doing fine and have normal sized behinds.

American Idol: Top 12 Ladies

It was the ladies turn on Idol last night and as usual, they did a better job than the guys. I was disappointed in Plus Size Model but the last four girls did really well, along with the girl who did the "What Goes Up" song. The Rocker Girl has good stage presence. The last girl was good but I am still against her because I am afraid that her husband with the tattoo on his face will show up again and give me nightmares. Hopefully they will cut about five or six on each side tonight and get this thing going.

American Idol: Top 12 Men

It was Sixties Night last night on American Idol, as the final 12 guys battled it out. Although we were assured that this was the best crop of contestants ever, most of the guys were lackluster or forgettable. A heard a couple of good ones, including early favorite (and former Star Search winner) David Archelleta, who was good but his boyish charm act is wearing thin on me already. I wasn't as enamoured with Dreadlock Guy as the judges were. The black guy could have done himself a favor by not wearing a bright red pimp suit. How did Son of Leif Garrett even make the cut? Get this kid to a barber. The skinny guy who did the Elvis song is about four weeks away from breaking out the bandanas and a fauxhawk. I hope the girls do better tonight.

My Worlds Are Colliding

For some reason, Lindsay Lohan was backstage at the WWE Raw show last night. She took pictures with Rey Mysterio, John Cena, and Candice Michelle, among others. According to WWE.com, she was there to meet kids from some charity. Not mentioned: ho-ing. She

probably got passed around the locker room more than the awards issue of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter. Lindsay-- stay out of my sport!!!

New Dancing with the Stars Cast Announced

The cast for the upcoming season of Dancing with the Stars was announced last night and it includes Steve Guttenberg (from the Police Academy movies), actress Marlee Matlin, Priscilla Presley, Penn of Penn and Teller, tennis player Monica Seles, Adam Corolla, Shannon Elizabeth, Jason Taylor (of Miami Dolphins fame), R & B singer Mario, and a couple of people that I haven't heard of. No stars of 90210? No wrestlers? Not even Brooke Hogan? Lame!

The Return of The Spice Girls

Alright, first some background. As some people know, I have a diverse and bizarre taste in music. At anytime, you might hear me listening to anything from Stevie Wonder to Van Halen to Miles Davis to Jill Scott to Nas to Hulk Hogan and the Wrestling Boot Band. It's all over the place with no rhyme or reason. I've always loved my pop acts too, whether it be Duran Duran, Britney or Destiny's Child. So it should come as no surprise that I was/am a huge fan of The Spice Girls. How could anyone not love those catchy songs? You know you love them too; just probably not as much as me. I have all of their CDs. I've probably sat through Spice World about ten times. I even read Geri Halliwell's autobiography-- actually both of them. Geri (a.k.a. Ginger Spice was my favorite in the glory days, Baby Spice was my favorite after the split, and Scary is my favorite now). Anyway, in the late 90's, they were coming to the Riverport Ampitheatre in St. Louis. And I didn't go. Then Geri quit. Then they broke up. And I never thought I would get to see them live. Then thankfully last year they got back together for one last cash grab, which led to me seeing The Return of the Spice Girls tour last night at the United Center here in Chicago.



The audience was a show in itself. This show set the new record for skanks per capita. I don't even mean the term "skanks" in a bad way; that's just what they happened to be. Hell, Gloria Steinem would have declared that they were skanks. There were more skanks per capita at this show than at the Marriott Hotel in St. Louis the night of Starrcade 90-- and that's saying something. I have never seen so many ultra short skirts, shiny sequined dresses and low cut outfits in my life. Some fans were dressed as their favorite Spice Girl. Some were able to even pull it off. There was also the occassional giant drag queen. Grown men in leopard pants. It was quite a crowd to say the least.



The show started about 8:30. The crowd went completely apeshit and the majority never sat down for the entire two hour show. People just seemed genuinely happy to see the group and relive some nostalgia. The place went dark, an intro video played, then Baby, Posh, Sporty, Ginger and my beloved Scary each rose up on their own platforms. The first song was "Spice Up Your Life". The crowd sang along to every word. The rest of the show was kind of a blur, but here are some of the highlights, not necessarily in this order:



- They did all of the big songs including Who Do You Think You Are, Say You'll Be There, Mama, Too Much, Stop, Wannabe (which was the big encore song), and their new song. I may or may not have sang along to about 80% of these songs. Before you decide to ridicule me, please keep in mind that in college I once knocked the 6'5" shot putter on our track and field team off his feet. Yeah, I might know all of the words to "2 Become 1", but you don't want none of this.



- Each of the Spices got their own solo segment. Scary (looking PHEE-NOMINAL) brought out a whip and tied up some clown from the audience while she sang Lenny Kravitz's "Are You Gonna Go My Way". Sporty, Baby and Ginger did songs from their respective solo albums. Posh was the only one that didn't sing solo. Instead for her segment she walked down the stage like it was a catwalk and did fashion poses to Madonna's "Like A Virgin". She owned it. The crowd cheered for her segment the most.



- In the gayest moment of the night (if not ever), while Geri Halliwell/Ginger was singing "It's Raining Men", I looked over and saw this huge man in a Wonder Woman costume taking pictures with people. What are the chances of that combination happening? I had to laugh. What kind of sideshow had a I stumbled into? It also occured to me during that song that I might be the only person in the whole building who was looking at Geri's bum at that moment.

- The girls have actually help up pretty well. Obviously Geri has worked very hard to get fit but I'm begging her to put on about 20 or 30 pounds. Posh looks better in person and actually does smile. Baby is hot. Scary is flawless. Eddie Murphy is a fool! She is thicker than pancake mix with just one spoonful of water in it.

- Note to "The Black Charmer" (everyone else please skip ahead to the next paragraph): You know how you're planning to have a wife and a "housekeeper"? Well, I'm going to have a wife and a "nanny"-- and the nanny is going to be Baby Spice. And the good thing is that I only need to accumulate a net worth of 20 million dollars to pull off this plan! I'm a genius.



- The group did sing live, not that you could really hear it over the music.

- The show ended with "Wannabe" and a very colorful performance of "Spice Up Your Life" (again!). As the girls lowered down under the stage, the words "Mission Accomplished" appeared on the big screen. Excellent show. Then to get my masculinity back, I left, drank a bottle of Pabst Blue Ribbon, smashed the bottle over some guy's head, watched all three discs of the new "Stone Cold" Steve Austin DVD set, recited verse three of Black Moon's "Who Got Da Props?" right off the top of my head, went deer hunting, then fought a bear. I feel better now.

Chris Rock: No Apologies Tour

Hollywood Nation is on the road here in Chicago. Last night, I caught the Chris Rock conert at the Rosemont Theatre. Phenominal show. He went about two hours and I have never laughed so hard. He was so non-stop funny that I was actually tired and worn out from laughing. He talked about a number of topics including Britney Spears ("she is so ghetto that she is going to end up on the R&B charts"), the only time that white people are allowed to say the N-Word, the presidentail candidates, George Bush, Roger Clemons, performance inhancing drugs, sex, interracial relationships, racism, Michael Vick, and so much more. Plus the show was opened by a set with comedian Mario Joyner (who was great), and rap legends Whodini. Great evening and I highly recommend that you go to see this show when it comes to your town.

Tonight: I finally get to see one of my favorite acts of all-time!!!!!

American Idol: Hollywood Week

Every week is Hollywood Week here at the Nation, but apparently it's something special for the folks at American Idol. This week we took one step closer to getting to the final 12 and getting the real show started. Finally all of the clowns, fake women wrestlers and Asian pimps are gone and it's down to the people with the alleged real talent. Over the course of two nights, we finally got down to the final 24-- the most talented contestants ever! They say that every year. Then we end up with Sanjaya. I was kind of unappy about some of the picks. Obviously the annoying David Archelleta will be a challenge to my nerves over the course of the next few weeks and maybe months. At least Car Boy got cut. He would have coasted on sympathy alone for weeks. And they have the one token black guy that they trot out there every year. Thus far, my favorites are Plus Sized Model and Rocker Girl. Good luck in being the next Taylor Hicks, girls!

It's Back, Baby!

Oh yes, the show that spawned Charm School, I Love New York and Rock of Love has returned! Flavor of Love started its third season last night on VH-1. And it lived up (or actually down) to expectations. The hour was basically spent introducing us to the new cast of skanks, hammerheads and meat cleavers, then Flav cut five of them at the end. You could tell who would be the nice girls, who was trying to be the next Miss New York and who was there to find a meaningful relationship (approximately 0%).

In the end, Flav cut the girls that he considered "ugly". The irony was that this guy looks like a rat that might crawl out of a crevice in the wall and he has the nerve to be dissing anyone for their looks! The world is upside down, jack! In real life, none of these girls would give him a second look, but this is VH-1 World. And it's going to be another skankalicous season!

Grammy Red Carpet Pix

It's Hollywood Nation's Best Dressed at the Grammy's, Beyonce. Girl, is your husband married? How can I be down?

Beyonce's arch-rival Rihanna, looking good enough to take to Chinatown.

I'm as shocked as you are. Look who put away those ridiculous jean chaps-- it's Brooke Hogan, looking pretty damn good.

"What 'cha gonna do, brother!"

My Thoughts on The Grammys

The Grammy Awards were held last night and it feels like the damn thing is still going on. They should take after MTV and cut this thing down to two hours. It was a decent show (heavy on retro, which was fine with me) but it started to drag. Highlights included:

- Alicia Keys got the show started on a good note, performing a "duet" with old footage of Frank Sinatra. She was looking pretty good. There was no host so she introduced the show and the next act, Carrie Underwood, who I sat up and took notice of for the first time. Of course, a giant wig and hooker boots will get my attention every time. I never thought I would ever say this about Carrie Underwood, but... not bad! Not bad!

- Prince made a surprise appearance in a little red suit. Isn't he tiny and precious? After he presented the award, I bet they just lifted him up and put him back in his little glass display case.

- Rihanna was out next and performed a remixed version of "Umbrella" with Morris Day and The Time. Even Jerome's old ass was there with the mirror. This was great. Rihanna even did the old dance moves with them from "Jungle Love". I was hoping that the show would stop here so they could go out on a high note.

- Kanye West did a great job with "Stronger" and a tribute song to his mother who passed away a couple of months ago. Later in the show, he won an award and in one of the most classless things I've ever seen on an award show, as he was talking about his mother during his speech they played the generic music to go to the next segment. No class. Someone needed to be punched for this.

- Beyonce looked tremendous and did a short medley of her hits before giving the stage to Tina Turner then teaming up with her for "Proud Mary". Tremendous. I'm sure Ike was somewhere looked up at them and smiling.

- Did I really see a country guy come out and do a song about "I'd Like To Check You For Ticks"? What's really going on?

- Rihanna won an award and dragged Jay-Z up to the stage for her acceptance speech. How much do you think Beyonce hates Rihanna? How many times have Jay-Z and Beyonce had the "Look-- if you wanna be with the bitch, you can be with the bitch!" fight?

- Amy Winehouse performed live via satellite from London. I still don't know what to think about this. She looked a mess. Some of it was good, some of it was creepy. At least the dancers had their moves down. She later won an award and was just out of it.

- The show ended with Herbie Hancock winning the best album award. He was complete surprised. I was just happy the thing was over. Decent for the first two hours then it fell off a cliff.

Rock of Love

I love this show. What a hot mess. On this week's edition, the house was abuzz because one of the blond skanks spent time overnight in Bret's room (in her words) "learning about each other". This riled up all of the other girls into a player hating and jealous frenzy. Then they were split into two teams for this week's challenge: trying to assemble a motorcycle and make it start. The winning team won a group date, while the leader went on a solo date. More importantly, the loser had to don a bikini and clean Bret's motorcycle with a tooth brush. If this show is about anything, it's about class. Then it became the Kristina Joe Show, as she whined for about a half hour and debated about whether or not she wanted to be there. What is with this woman's eyebrows? At the elimination ceremony, her "best friend" in the house (Generic Blond Girl #4) begged Bret to save Kristina instead of her. What GBG4 didn't realize, was that she was the one who had been picked to be eliminated. As Megan (this year's smart ass) said, it was humiliating to watch.

Tomorrow, the season premiere of Flavor of Love 3. Whoever decided to schedule this season against WWE Raw needs to be whupped in the middle of the town square.

The Divas on Project Runway

This was the first time that I have ever seen the show Project Runway (on the Bravo Network). Not the most masculine of shows. I've actually been to a Madonna concert and seen a guy wearing a white sailor suit in the audience; this show was just slightly less gay than that experience. But, I would sit through a Full House marathon if it had appearances from the WWE Divas.
The show centered around a challenge where the contestants had to design outfits for the Divas. Representing this great sport were Maria, Kristal Marshall, Torrie Wilson, Layla, Candice Michelle and Michelle McCool's booty. It was a decent show. Some of the designers fawned over the girls and enjoyed designing the outfits, while others were catty and questioned the Divas' taste in clothes. Candice and her designer pretty much hated each other, leading to a hilarious moment towards the end of the show where Candice buried her and basically threw her under the bus in front of the judges.

In the end, Maria's leopard outfit (second picture) won the challenge; the guy who designed Layla's outfit was sent packing. The big revelation: who knew Michelle McCool (above) had back?

American Idol: Atlanta Tryouts

Four main people stood out from last night's American Idol auditions in Atlanta:

- The bubbly pageant girl with the huge rack brought along perhaps the funniest moment of the auditions when she left and Simon remarked that she was probably the most annoying person that he had ever met. I hope she makes the final 12 for the entertainment value alone.

- Speaking of annoying, I couldn't stand the little bratty guy who tried to sing the rock song and wanted to match wits with Simon. He tried his little lame insults and Simon shut him right down. Son, you're dealing with a professional. Also, his parents looked like they were right out of King of the Hill. Somebody might want to check this clown's My Space page before he starts blowing up stuff.

- That was a rough sob story with the poor hottie whose father passed away two days earlier. I could see her going pretty far.

- The guy who lived in his car was a nice story. I didn't buy it, but it was a nice story. Plus, since he lived in his car, why did he drive off at the end? He could have just slept right there since he was already home!

Super Bowl Follow-Up

I haven't watched this much Sports Center and listened to so much talk radio since the Greatest Show on Turf Era. It is so good to see the Patriots finally get theirs. I have been hyped and listening to Tim Dog records all day. I think I may have enjoyed this more than when the Rams won the Super Bowl. This has consumed so much of my time that I forgot about a few tidbits, such as:

- Did you catch Paula Abdul's pre-game performance? I missed it too but I caught it online.



Since it was taped in advance last week, I didn't even see the point. It was obviously lip-synched, but other than that, it really wasn't that bad. And unlike Britney, she was representing with the dance steps. Unbelievably, the crazy bitch has still got it! It felt like '89 again.

- Jordin Sparks did a good job with the national anthem. It looks like she has lost some weight and she was looking pretty damn hawt. Yeah, I'm probably old enough to be her great-grandfather, but still....

- Tom Petty? Oh man, there's a time and a place for everything, but not the SuperBowl halftime show! That was soooo dry. What happened to the days of Aerosmith, Nelly and Britney in her prime all on the stage at the same time? Oh yeah, Janet's boob ruined everything. Can't wait to see next year's safe choice. Manilow? Streisand? Hulk Hogan's daughter?

- The commercials were pretty lame for the most part. Some companies wasted a lot of big money. I don't even remember a lot of them. I was so nervous that the Giants were going to blow the game that I could barely pay attention. I remember the Danika Patrick tease ad, but who is so horny and stupid that they would actually stop watching the Super Bowl to go to a website that Danika Patrick is obviously not going to get undressed at?

They Shocked The World!

A very special shout-out and "thank you" to the New York Football Giants for winning the Super Bowl and becoming the new NFL World Champions, thus sparing us all from another week and full off-season of "Brady is the Greatest of All-Time", "Billicheck is a Genius", and "Patriots Dynasty" stories!


And now if you will excuse me, I will partake another six hours of ESPN Sports Center.

Money Time

Last week, Forbes.com put out its list of the Top Earning Women in Music:

1. Madonna- $72 million

2. Barbra Streisand- $60 million

3. Celine Dion- $45 million

4. Shakira- $38 million

5. Beyonce- $27 million

6. Gwen Stefani- $26 million

7. Christina Aquilera- $20 million

8. Faith Hill- $19 million

9. Dixie Chicks- $18 million

10. Mariah Carey- $13 million

As you can see, Hollywood Nation's favorite lady, Mimi, was only at #10 with thirteen mill. So basically, she's damn near broke! How can I live off of that kind of money? Oh man, I'm going to have to start messing with Celine Dion. Madonna is so rich that she is probably just now getting into that Vogue and Evita era money. It's amazing how much potential money that Britney Spears has pissed away (she finished at #14 with a "paltry" $8 million). I hope all of the stupid decisions and bad parenting was worth it. Oh, and good luck in the hospital, kid.