American Idol Season Premiere

Questions after watching a half hour of the insufferable American Idol season premiere:

1. After the bloodletting of the judges from last season, how on earth did Randy Jackson survive the cut?  Does he have a picture of one of the producers with a frog?

2. I love Mariah Carey, but I don't want to hear her talk.  That wasn't really a question, but you get the point.

3. The very sight of Nicki Minaj makes you long for the "good ol' days" of Paula Abdul's incoherent ramblings.

4.  Who is this brother dancing for chicken in the Applebee's ads?

New Judges

Randy "In It To Win It" Jackson.  The most annoying "rapper" ever.  Some country dude.  Mariah-- in a speaking role.  This is going to be my whiniest season of American Idol ever!

The American Idol Season Finale

It was perhaps the worst final two ever in American Idol history, but the season finale is always star-studded and loaded with surprises, so I decided to give it a try. Good show. The highlight of course was the booty shaking showdown between Sasha Fierce and J-Lo. Gotta give the night to Beyonce (although she almost killed it later in the evening with that wretched new song). Gaga was fantastic as always; I think she jumped to her death at the end of her song at the prospect of Scotty or Lauren winning this season. I also liked TLC, Judas Priest, Steven Tyler and the always great Gladys Knight. I was also glad to see Randy Jackson maintain his streak of wearing his worst outfit of the year at the season finale. In the end somebody had to win by default and predictably it was Scotty. If his limited range doesn't kill his career, that awful first single certainly will.

American Idol Results

It was the first week of voting on American Idol and in a complete shocker, somebody black was voted off. This is becoming more of a tradition on Idol than Coke cups and Ford product placement. I've become used to it by now though. I thought everyone had an average week, except that I thought Pia and Naima were standouts. The goofy guy in the red and black jacket was a complete joke. You know things are bad when the judges are pandering to the audience with statements like "I hope America got that". Like there was something complex to decode from his performance. I got it alright-- he sucked! Week one of the performance rounds and this show is already on my nerves.

American Idol: Night Three

It was another decent episode of American Idol, although these two hour episodes are starting to drag. Steven and Jennifer are becoming more solid as they settle into their roles. Randy is, as Andrew Dice Clay once said, as soft as shit on a hot summer night. If the votes is split and comes down to him, he always lets them through. I thought the White House intern was pretty good (Michelle better watch out for this broad). The funniest was the lady who was there to support her family member then got a leg cramp. The guy at the end had just about the saddest story I've ever seen. I wouldn't be surprised to see him make it. Meanwhile, more singing and William Hung wannabes later tonight.

American Idol Returns

It's back! After much hype surrounding the new judges, American Idol had its season premiere on Wednesday. And I was pleasantly surprised. Jennifer Lopez didn't come off nearly as annoying as I had predicted and even seemed a bit likeable. She was going nice on the contestants early but you can see she is going to crack inevitably. The sassy talking and head shaking is only a few episodes away. Steven Tyler was pretty good as well. Randy Jackson made the first fashion mistake of the season with that "Hit Me Baby One More Time" outfit. When was the last time you've seen a grown ass black man dressed as Britney Spears? I mean, besides one of her concerts. Ridiculous. My favorite contestant from night one was the nutty Puerto Rican girl. I thought she was going to go into William Hung territory but her voice was actually not bad. Did you see the rumpshaker on that girl though? I bet even Kim Kardashian was at home, did a spittake and said "DAMN, now THAT'S a big ass!" And it was. Night two was kind of boring but I expect things to pick up. This season could be better than I thought.

News and Notes

Last night might have been the worst episode ever of American Idol. These people are almost as bad as the people that sing the songs on Dancing with the Stars. Frank Sinatra night was a disaster. I thought only Big Mike did a good job. The rest could all go home, including Crystal. I didn't understand the praise that was heaped on the last guy (I can't remember these people's names); I think that's one of those performances where the judges look back and say it wasn't as good as they thought. I'm guessing a Casey departure this week... I was surprised to see Pam Anderson cut on Dancing with the Stars. I thought she always put on solid performances. Glad to see Niecy Nash is still hanging in though, who is my favorite at this point... Big week for TNA Wrestling as they finally decided to move back to Thursdays AND fired that idiot Bubba the Love Sponge. Please fire Vince Russo and make it the trifecta of good decisions.

American Idol Results

This season of American Idol just keeps getting worse. Now the the eye candy of the show has departed with the elimination of Paige. Sure, her verison of "Against All Odds" was absolutely wretched, but there about three other people as equally bad. I can't believe Paula Abdul Boy talked his way through another song and didn't even make the bottom three this week. What a tour that is going to be this summer. They'd have to pay me to go. I'd rather sit through the Jonas Brother and that broad from last night again, which was like torture. Anyway, here is Paige in happier times:

American Idol Season Premiere

It's back! And after probably swearing not to watch ever again about eight times last season, I'm back for another season of agony and inevitably seeing the wrong person win. Oh well, at least I know what I'm getting into. This tryout episode was the standard mix of clowns vying for TV time and sad stories with good voices. It was also nice to not have to deal with Paula Abdul's nonsensical ramblings. She was replaced by Posh; anytime one of the Spice Girls is getting airtime is a good thing. She didn't say much other than "nice job" but it's just as well. Only two try-outs stood out for me. First was the guy who climbed the tree and broke both of his hands. I thought he was going to be a complete goof but he turned out to be a pleasant surprise. I still would like to know why was a grown man climbing a tree. The other standout was Waitress Girl. What she lacked in singing ability, she made up for in ass. Randy's eyes looked like two fried eggs. She might not have gotten a golden ticket but she was a winner. More foolishness tonight.

American Idol

I caught the big American Idol finale last night and enjoyed it for the most part. I thought it was a major upset with Kris winning over Adam, but I didn't really care because I had no emotional attachment to either of them. Kris was a little boring to me and Adam was a bit too theatrical to me. I did like the guest performances though. I thought KISS was great. Hard to tell who had on more makeup between Gene Simmons and Adam. Carlos Santana was good as well. The funniest part of the evening was the showdown between Bikini Girl and Judge Kara. BG didn't waste any time in getting implants (probably coming to a gentlemen's club near you soon). I haven't seen that much dignity left on the stage since Vince McMahon sang "Stand Back" on the Slammy Awards in 1988. Anyway, I'm glad this thing is over so I can reclaim my life.

American Idol

I hated the show last night, but I'm just not that enthused about either contestant. Glad to see that consistently, every single year, the original song at the end is always dreadful. It's almost comforting. Tonight's finale should be good though with the guest stars, etc.

American Idol

After all this time it finally comes down to Adam and Kris next week. That surprises me because I didn't even notice Kris until about two weeks ago. I'm putting my fictional money on Adam. It was a fun show last night with the hometown visits and eye candy galore with Alicia Keys, Jordan Sparks (all grown up!) and Katy Perry. I'm looking forward to next week's finale and putting this season behind us.

American Idol

Allison was sent home last night on American Idol, which was no big surprise considering that she had landed in the bottom two so many times in the past. However I do think she might be one of the contestants that does have success in the future. This leaves the three guys as the final three and I'm pretty sure Adam is going to take this. The big story of the night (for me anyway) was the return of Paula Abdul to the stage. She's back! Sure it had trainwreck potential but I thought she pulled it off nicely. The song had a Britney/T-Pain type of vibe to it and the performance itself was good. It was like 1990 all over again. Good job! Next thing you know, C&C Music Factory will be trying to stage a comeback.

American Idol

American Standards Week worked out pretty well. Jamie Foxx was an entertaining mentor. I almost thought that crowd favorite Adam Lambert was going home for a second. He probably didn't get as many votes because people thought he was safe. I still have no idea how that Chirs guy keeps squeeking by. I expect he may go next week. We'll miss Hat Guy. Hopefully he can get some assistance for that pimple on his forehead. Don't they have makeup people on Idol?

American Idol

Disco Week was kinda fun. The individual performances were solid and even the group song was good. Seeing the ghosts of Freeda Payne, Thelma Houston and KC was interesting. No big surprise that Lil Rounds and Anoop got sent home. Probably the most amazing thing was that Paula was really good doing the choreography, making this the second week in a row that she wasn't that annoying. That must be some kind of record.

American Idol

It was quite an eventful night. Not only did Paula bring the boobs back out (she seems much more tolerable when she does that), but somehow Lil Rounds got saved for another week and Matt got voted off. Then for the first time ever, The Save was used and Matt got saved. Although what is the point, since he will probably be gone again next week. Can't wait for Disco Week on Tuesday.

American Idol

I never liked "Songs From Your Birth Year" week and this season was no exception. It was pretty lackluster for the most part. The blind guy got cut this week and it was about time. He was a fine singer but never had that blow-away performance during the competition. Lil Rounds better really step it up if she hopes to stay on the show. On an unrelated note, if I had to do a song from my birth year, I could have done "Ben" by Michael Jackson, "Let's Stay Together" by Al Green or "Lean On Me" by Bill Withers. Damn, I'm old.

American Idol

I was already waiting to see Megan leave with her hideous arm tattoo and bad performances, but after she kept doing that damn bird call last night, she couldn't have left soon enough. It was about three weeks overdue. Good riddance. I should stop watching this show now, because I can already see that Adam is going to win and that guy is wretched. As it is, I'm gonna need counseling to get that cartoonish rendition of "Play That Funky Music" out of my head.

American Idol Results Show

A sad night for the minorites. The first two cuts this season were a black and a Puerto Rican. Sad times. To make matters worse was the introduction of the new rule change: the judges can save one person this season. As a result the person who gets cut each week will now suffer a double humiliation, as not only does America vote them off, but on top of that the judges vote to not save them. Someone is going to be hanging from a noose by Week 8. There were also performances by Kanye West and and a thick-assed Kelly Clarkson. That new song blows. Horrible night. At least Paula had the boobs out though.

American Idol: The Top 13

The "real" competition started last night as the Final 13 took on the songs of Michael Jackson (with mixed results). The show also saw the season's first appearance of Drunk Paula, who put on one of her wildest performances to date. It was classic Drunk Paula with her babbling incoherently and giving standing ovations during awful songs. As for the contestants, I liked Lil Rounds. The worst was Tattoo Girl's rendition of "Rockin Robin". Dreadful song choice. They are going to send two home tonight, but they should send about five. Tonight will also have performances from Kanye West and Kelly Clarkson, along with an announcement about a rule change that could effect the whole show. Oh boy.