Hot Ghetto Mess

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Survivor:China/Ashley Gone Already

Just as was reported in the Wrestling Observer Newsletter a couple of issues ago, WWE's Ashley Massaro was booted from Survivor on day six. Damn, that guy has great sources. Unfortunately for Ashley she was on the team that always loses the challenges thus her group got sent to tribal council to vote one of its own members off. Because she and the Group Leader Guy kept arguing throughout the episode, the team decided to send one of them home so there would be peace and quiet. They sent Ashley packing, but not before she called the GLG "a tool". We anxiously await her return to WWE TV, where she can get back to doing whatever her role was on the show, which escapes me right now.

What is save_us.222?

Could the most charasmatic showman to ever grace your television screen be headed back to WWE rings? A mysterious short video package ran on WWE Raw and ECW last week, with the phrase "save_us.222" appearing several times. When it is slowed down, there are various clues that could lead you to the conclusion that one of my favorite wrestlers of all-time, Chris Jericho, could be returning to WWE after nearly two years away. I'm sure he has plenty of free time anyway, unless FOX is bringing back Celebrity Duets 2. The fans would go nuts for his return and in no time he will be eaten alive repeatedly by Triple H. Ahhhh, just like old times.

Dancing Results

After an hour of total filler including recaps, tap dancing, commentary, Dolly Parton's boobs, interviews, and Kenny Mayne skits, it was finally revealed what viewers knew all along; that model Josie Maran (above) was the first one going home on this season's Dancing with the Stars. Well, better her than Scary Spice.

Dancing With The Stars Season Premiere

Dancing with the Stars began its new season on Monday. Unfortunately, they are dragging this thing over three nights this time-- like I don't have stuff to do (I don't). They had the female celebs on the first night and the males on the second night. Predictably, my favorites were Scary Spice (above) and Kelly from Beverly Hills 90210. Granted, they could have both done awful and I would have sugar coated it, but actually they both did well. I could just see Eddie Murphy sitting at home in his Shrek donkey outfit calling in votes for everyone but Scary so she would lose. The surprise of the females was the young member of Disney's Cheetah Girls, who came out and totally shook what her momma gave her. There were probably horrified parents fainting all over the nation. She is probably going to win this thing. As far as the guys, they were pretty lackluster. Most were getting by on charm and gimmicks. Boxer Floyd Mayweather Jr. was robbed by the inconsistent judging. Welcome to Dancing with the Stars. If he is the first to get cut, it would be justice to see one of the panel members get knocked out. I predict that the female model (her name escapes me and I'm not looking it up) will be the first to go home.

The Wedding of the Century

It was pretty much what I expected, a half hour of WWE wackiness. The wedding got interrupted three times; Jillian Hall came out to do some bad singing, the Godfather returned and his ladies of the evening left with all of the male guests, and WWE owner Vince McMahon and his assistant chased off Hornswaggle the Leprechaun. And finally as the "I Do's" were about to be exchanged, the groom Teddy Long clutched his heart and passed out. (Of course, this was right in front of the "maid of honor" Vickie Guerrero, whose husband Eddie died of a heart attack just two short years ago. Only in WWE). Anyway, the WWE website says that it was a combination of high blood pressure and too much Viagra. Oh man. I think he'll be back. I knew I should have watched Benson instead.

Coming To A Newsstand Near You...

According to usmagazine.com, Hollywood Nation favorite Kim Kardashian will be on the cover of the December issue of Playboy. Although she wasn't originally going to show much (?) she is now going to show "one boob and her bare butt". One boob? How funny is that? Is she only going to show one giant butt cheek too? I could just picture Kelly Clarkson, Jennifer Lopez and Serena Williams having a slumber party, making fudge, then looking at the magazine and saying in unison "Now THAT'S a big ass!"

Mimi: Out and About

It's Mariah, working that red carpet at the VH-1 Save The Music event last week in New York. She said that she owed her new slimmer figure to "bleak diets", which reportedly consist mainly of blandly prepared soups and fishes. Sadly, no mention of Twizzlers.

Survivor:China Debut

The latest edition of Survivor debuted last night and it looks like it may be a pretty good season. First of all, WWE's Ashley Massaro (above) is on the show. She did the wrestling world proud by being the first one to fall sick and start whining. Fantastic start. We also had an interesting cast of characters such as a professional poker player, a grave digger, a teacher, a bartender, a waitress, an annoying Asian woman and the show's first guy named after a farm animal, "Chicken". Team Ashley lost the first challenge and they were sent to tribal council to vote one of their teammates off. It was between Ashley (since she didn't contribute on the first day), the annoying Asian woman (because she was annoying and even perhaps because she was Asian) and Chicken. In the end, it was indeed Chicken who was sent packing, probably because they never could understand a word that came out of his mouth. I wasn't worried because I knew who wasn't going home due to the fact that last week's Wrestling Observer Newsletter revealed exactly which day that Ashley would be leaving. And yes, that makes me special. In the previews for next week, they showed Ashley arguing with the bartender, wrestling someone in mud, and continuing her ongoing struggle to keep her boobs concealed in that top. Good luck.

The Social Event of the Season

Don't forget that tomorrow night is the wedding of Teddy Long and the ultra-hot Kristal Marshall, exclusively on the season premiere of WWE Friday Night Smackdown on the CW Network. Sure WWE is in a creative slump now, but they usually come through on these weddings. From what I've heard, this one should be, uh, interesting.

Britney Update

On Tuesday, a judge gave Britney Spears terms that she has to follow in order to keep custody of her kids. She was ordered to undergo random drug testing twice a week, she has to see a therapist once a week, she has to hire a parenting coach, and her and Kevin Federline were ordered to go to the Parenting Without Conflict program within five days. Thank goodness. She celebrated the judgement by hitting the clubs on Wednesday night. Terrific start.

I bet Lindsay Lohan is sitting in a small room in her rehab center, having someone read that to her, and saying to herself, "what does a crazy bitch have to do to stay in the headlines? I had two DUIs, went to rehab twice and essentially pulled a carjacking! How soon they forget." Then she finished mopping.

And the Winner Is...

A winner has been declared in the first week sales showdown between Kanye West's Graduation and 50 Cent's Curtis. According to billboard.com, Ye outsold 50 Cent by 957,000 to 691,000. Fitty said he would retire if he didn't outsell Kanye in the first week. We at Hollywood Nation wish 50 the best in his retirement and we hope that he has fun filling his days with shuffleboard, needlepoint and bran muffins.

***In the interest of full disclosure, we at The Nation did purchase both discs, but that's just how we get down. For the record, we declared Graduation as the better CD.

Ya Had a Bad Day...

And we thought it was bad last week when she humiliated herself in front of a national audience then was photographed with no underwear later that night. Only Britney could top that bad day. Yesterday her manager AND her lawyer dropped her (because she is so uncooperative) plus after testimony from her former bodyguard she might be losing custody of her kids to Kevin Federline. Like she cares! She probably won't even show up to contest it. Now if they were to take away her alcohol she would be in the courtroom talking about "You're out of order! He's out of order! This whole courtroom is out of order!" Has anybody ever crashed this far in such a short amount of time?

Back In The Hole Again

Could there possibly be anything more horrifying than O.J. Simpson busting in your room and yelling "Don't let nobody out of here! Think you can steal my s*** and sell it?" I would have started crying and breaking wind right then and there. Those guys were so lucky to get out of there alive. I bet they had to change pants immediately afterwards though.

Rock of Love

The best show on TV is winding up the season, so it was time to finally get rid of the main villian, which the is what the whole season was leading up to. Alas, it was Lacey's turn to go. And much like Flavor of Love, the lead villian had a parent who was even crazier than her. Lacey's father, like New York's mother from Flavor of Love, was off the chain. He was creepy (he was leering at Heather), delusional (saying Bret Michaels would need to sign a pre-nup-- like anyone had talked about getting married), and just an all around loud mouth. We finally got to see Lacey and Heather have a blow-up, leading to Heather dropping the classic line "your daughter is a slut" in front of Lacey's parents. You aren't going to see this kind of thing on The Discovery Channel. Anyway, Lacey was finally sent her walking papers, leaving Heather and Jes to battle it out in the finale. The smart money is on the organ grinder.

She's Sorry (Maybe)

According to perezhilton.com, Britney is in negotiations with the producers of the Emmys to make an appearance during the show on Sunday to make an apology for her MTV performance. Okay, I will agree that the thing was lackluster and wretched, but really does she me owe me an apology for it? Was I actually harmed in any way because she couldn't lip synch on time and did some half-assed dancing? Will this catch on for everyone in entertainment? Is Vince McMahon going to come on the show and apologize for producing silly wrestling shows? Are the majority of the new rappers going to gather onstage like We Are The World and apologize for being undeniably wack? Will the Fox network executives making an appearance to apologize for the entire last season of American Idol? Step on up!

Oh, That's Why

This might help explain about Britney's disaster on Sunday. According to the New York Post:

"On Saturday, the day before the VMAs, Spears was scheduled to arrive at rehearsal at around 1 p.m. Our spy said, "She didn't even get to Las Vegas until 4:30 p.m. It was ridiculous . . . The production people at MTV were freaking out . . . Nobody can tell Britney what to do anymore. No one can control her. She is a mess."

"She went to her hotel room and ordered a bunch of food and some frozen margaritas," the spy said. "She came down, like, an hour later with a frozen margarita in her hand."

"The dance number was spectacular - without her," said our spy at rehearsal. "When the stand-in was rehearsing with the dancers, in the hours they were all waiting for her, it was amazing. Then Britney showed up and refused to do anything. The dancers were supposed to lift and twirl her in the air a few times, and that just wasn't going to happen. The more complicated dance moves had to be erased because she couldn't do them."

Meanwhile, Spears was agitated because she didn't like the outfit MTV had selected for her.
"MTV wanted her to wear a corset outfit. It would have looked great and covered a lot of things up, but she hated it and didn't think it was sexy enough."

* * * * *

As my boy Upgrade put it: "What an idiot".

Mr. McMahon's Mystery Son Revealed!

Last night on WWE Raw, it was revealed that WWE Cruiserweight Champion Hornswoggle (right) was Mr. McMahon's long lost son. Welcome to the upper mid-card, fella!

The Day After

Wow! Did people hate that Britney performance or what? There hasn't been a thorough beating like this since Bret Hart beat up Vince McMahon in 1997. I think the kindest review that I heard all day was from this very blog and if I recall, I said her and her performance were "half-assed", "cliche" and "desperate". I've heard all kinds of rumors and excuses such as she was distracted by what Sarah Silverman was going to say about her kids to she fired her hair stylist right before going onstage to MTV scrapped her original performance of doing magic with Criss Angel due to insurance reasons. None of it even matters. She could have avoided all of this by one thing: practice. Instead she was going to nightspots each night of the week before her big performance. As if things weren't bad enough, pictures of her were taken last night getting out of a limo and wouldn't you know it-- she wasn't wearing underwear. Again. What a night. Britney, here is a checklist of advice. Print this out and put it on your mirror so you can see it every day:

1. Practice

2. Put down that drink

3. Fire your management and hire Dick Vermeil as your new coach

4. Put on some draws

5. TAKE CARE OF YOUR DAMN KIDS

More Britney

(More thoughts on Britney's performance at the VMAs after watching it about five more times):

I wouldn't say she was a hot mess-- more like a warm mess, I suppose. A bra, booty shorts and hooker boots: it was cliche and reeked of desperation. It was like I was her stylist-- and that is not a good thing. While the performance wasn't good and even though she constantly looked like she was trying to remember her next dance move, it was not the worst thing that I've ever seen. Plus I liked the song. Now if she can just start taking care of her kids and not shaving all of her hair off, she might be on the road back.

Random Thoughts on the MTV Video Music Awards

The show starts with the heavily hyped Britney Spears performance. It will be feast or famine. Either this is step one to re-building her career or this is pretty much it. The show came on abruptly with no intro. And there she was. Virtually in her underwear and boots. How can I describe this? It's a half-assed lip synch. She looks kind of nervous, like she didn't expect all of those people to be here. She's sorta in shape; not like the glory days of "I'm A Slave 4U", but serviceable. I believe the appropriate word would be "thick". The looks on the celebs in the audience are priceless. Rihanna had an amused look as if they were putting on a performance of trained bears in front of her. 50 Cent had the MOST hilarous confused look on his face. I keep expecting her to do something career-ending like shaving her head again right on stage. Somehow, she didn't. The dancing wasn't bad, but the back-up dancers were carrying it. Britney did just enough not to mess up. Actually the song itself wasn't too bad, although she didn't sing even one word of it live. It was really something to see. It's well worth pulling this up on You Tube. All-in-all, not bad. Not great or a blow-away performance by any stretch, but it was a start. A comeback would not be out of the question.

Really, I don't even care about the rest of the show. They should have saved this for last. How can this be topped?

- Sarah Silverman handles the monologue. She says Britney's kids are two of the most beautiful mistakes that she has ever seen. I honestly expected to see Britney charge the stage and hit her with a steel chair. I was actually surprised when it didn't happen. That's how crazy Britney has become. Anyway, a few more jokes and uncomfortable laughter from the audience and the show is under way.

- They are trying to revamp the show this year. It is being held at the Palms hotel in Vegas. Some of the performances have been pre-recorded and abbreviated. There is no host this year. Some of the acts are playing in different areas of the hotels. They are breaking away from the traditional categories and going with new ones such as Monster Single and Earth Shattering Collaboration. Best of all, thank the Lord, the thing has been shortened to two hours.

- The first award of the evening, Monster Single of the Year, was won by Rihanna for "Umbrella". She thanks Jay-Z, Ta-Ta, and Tricky, among others. Does anyone use a regular name anymore?

- Kanye West and 50 Cent (who have dueling CDs being released on Tuesday) come out for a fake staredown and to introduce the best collaboration. Beyonce and Shakira won for "Beautiful Liar". I still haven't seen that video. This would have never happened in 2002. Beyonce accepted for both.

- Chris Brown put on a nice performance, jumping from table to table and even breaking out a Michael Jackson imitation to "Billie Jean". He led into Rihanna, who was indeed the showstopper. Very nice. Very nice.

- Best Male goes to your boy Justin Timberlake and the ever-present Timbaland. This reminds me of when Dennis Rodman was at the height of his popularity and he made an appearance with World Championship Wrestling and everywhere he went Hulk Hogan was on his heels so they would always be photographed together. Anyway, JT made a plea for more videos on MTV (yeah, right) and made an exit.

- We're only about an hour into this thing but it feels like about three years.

- Pamela Anderson introduced a live performance by Kanye West, who was trailed by "rapper" T-Pain. When I see artists like T-Pain, it's inspiring. It inspires me to go make a record because apparently they're letting any-f***ing-body do it. Kanye strolled about the hotel and it was a good show.

- Alicia Keys is up next. She turned the joint out, but what did you expect? I love the black and silver boots. She did a new song then capped that off by bringing out a choir and doing a remake of George Michael's "Freedom". Now that's what I'm talking about!

- Jamie Foxx and Jennifer Garner came out to present the next award. Jamie said we need to stop all of this white-on-white crime. Apparently a fight broke out between Kid Rock and Tommy Lee over Pamela Anderson. Ahhh, white trash drama at its finest. Aw damn, you almost hate to see it. You would think that there was only one blonde skank with big boobs on earth. For Pete's sake fellas, you're in Vegas! I can't wait to get the real story in the Enquirer.

- MJB came out, damn near in tears, to introduce Dr. Dre. He presented the Video of the Year award to the increasingly hot looking Rihanna. Is she from England or that one of those fake Madonna/Tina Turner accents?

- Diddy came out. He said he was supposed to be with Kid Rock, but instead was joined by Young Joc. They said we have to stop the violence in rock and roll.

- The last performance of the night. Finally. It's Timberlake, Nelly Furtado and Timbaland. It was aiiight. Nice dance moves by JT.

The Verdict: It was a decent show. I was glad to see Britney not do something trainwreckish for once. Best performance goes to Alicia Keys. Props to MTV for making this thing only two hours this year. Even though it still felt like five.

It Is On And Poppin'!

MTV has officially announced that the Human Trainwreck, Britney Spears, will be performing at the Video Music Awards show on Sunday night. What a night it is going to be! I may show up in my living room in a tuxedo and dress shoes. Good or bad, her performance should be phenomenal. And what a weekend it will be: UFC action on Spike, opening weekend in the NFL, TWO Monday Night Football games, Vince McMahon reveals his fake son on Raw, Rock of Love narrows down to three hoochies, the Pacman Jones fiasco unfolds on TNA's Sunday night pay-per-view, and probably some other stuff that I am forgetting. Tremendous!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

It all starts today! It's Christmas and your birthday all wrapped up into one! This is bigger than even WrestleMania Sunday and Halloween! Yes, it's the kickoff to the NFL season tonight! Every team is mathematically still in it (except for Arizona) and your favorite team has as good a chance as anyone to go to the Super Bowl. It is indeed the most wonderful time of the year. Plus, Kelly Clarkson in the pre-game show. I am hyped!

Benoit Update

According to several online reports, Michael Benoit, the father of Chris Benoit, will be making the media rounds today to reveal the results of exams on Chris Benoit's brain. Apparently he suffered brain damage from multiple concussions. Damn, I bet Umaga wishes he hadn't taken all of those chair shots right to the head on Monday. Friendly advice to the wrestlers: stop getting your head smashed by thick pieces of steel.

New ECW Champion Crowned

Congratulations go out to C.M. Punk who won WWE's ECW World Title last night on the Sci-Fi Network in just his 98th match with John Morrison/Johnny Nitro. What a coincidence; half the staff goes on a 30 day suspension for violating the Wellness Policy and next thing you know the drug-free guy wins a World Title. What timing! Looking forward to those upcoming Punk vs. Viscera matches.

Flair Gone From WWE?

As if WWE didn't have enough problems after WWE Monday Night Wellness, according to pwtorch.com, Ric Flair has quit WWE because he was unhappy with his storyline push and lack of communication with the front office. You would think that he would be used to it since no wrestling company has used him correctly in about twenty years. When it's all said and done, I bet he isn't going anywhere. Number one, from several different reports, he still needs the big money contract. Two, if he is under contract, I doubt that WWE would let him go so that he could go to TNA. And three, even if he did end up in TNA, instead of doing the damn near foolproof "Flair goes for his last world title" storyline, he will be jobbing to Vince Russo or Karen Angle within two months. I wish him the best.

He's His Father's Son

As if the clown isn't in enough trouble, now quotes have come out from an interview that Nick Hogan did with Rides magazine that don't help mattes. In the article he talked about speeding in the past and he got caught twice by the police for going over 100MPH-- and he was let off twice (let Junkyard Dog's son try that!). And for good measure he added how girls' panties "start dropping off" at the sight of his yellow Supra. Yeah, let's see his game while rollilng with a 2004 Nissan Sentra and see how far he gets.