The show starts with the heavily hyped Britney Spears performance. It will be feast or famine. Either this is step one to re-building her career or this is pretty much it. The show came on abruptly with no intro. And there she was. Virtually in her underwear and boots. How can I describe this? It's a half-assed lip synch. She looks kind of nervous, like she didn't expect all of those people to be here. She's sorta in shape; not like the glory days of "I'm A Slave 4U", but serviceable. I believe the appropriate word would be "thick". The looks on the celebs in the audience are priceless. Rihanna had an amused look as if they were putting on a performance of trained bears in front of her. 50 Cent had the MOST hilarous confused look on his face. I keep expecting her to do something career-ending like shaving her head again right on stage. Somehow, she didn't. The dancing wasn't bad, but the back-up dancers were carrying it. Britney did just enough not to mess up. Actually the song itself wasn't too bad, although she didn't sing even one word of it live. It was really something to see. It's well worth pulling this up on You Tube. All-in-all, not bad. Not great or a blow-away performance by any stretch, but it was a start. A comeback would not be out of the question.
Really, I don't even care about the rest of the show. They should have saved this for last. How can this be topped?
- Sarah Silverman handles the monologue. She says Britney's kids are two of the most beautiful mistakes that she has ever seen. I honestly expected to see Britney charge the stage and hit her with a steel chair. I was actually surprised when it didn't happen. That's how crazy Britney has become. Anyway, a few more jokes and uncomfortable laughter from the audience and the show is under way.
- They are trying to revamp the show this year. It is being held at the Palms hotel in Vegas. Some of the performances have been pre-recorded and abbreviated. There is no host this year. Some of the acts are playing in different areas of the hotels. They are breaking away from the traditional categories and going with new ones such as Monster Single and Earth Shattering Collaboration. Best of all, thank the Lord, the thing has been shortened to two hours.
- The first award of the evening, Monster Single of the Year, was won by Rihanna for "Umbrella". She thanks Jay-Z, Ta-Ta, and Tricky, among others. Does anyone use a regular name anymore?
- Kanye West and 50 Cent (who have dueling CDs being released on Tuesday) come out for a fake staredown and to introduce the best collaboration. Beyonce and Shakira won for "Beautiful Liar". I still haven't seen that video. This would have never happened in 2002. Beyonce accepted for both.
- Chris Brown put on a nice performance, jumping from table to table and even breaking out a Michael Jackson imitation to "Billie Jean". He led into Rihanna, who was indeed the showstopper. Very nice. Very nice.
- Best Male goes to your boy Justin Timberlake and the ever-present Timbaland. This reminds me of when Dennis Rodman was at the height of his popularity and he made an appearance with World Championship Wrestling and everywhere he went Hulk Hogan was on his heels so they would always be photographed together. Anyway, JT made a plea for more videos on MTV (yeah, right) and made an exit.
- We're only about an hour into this thing but it feels like about three years.
- Pamela Anderson introduced a live performance by Kanye West, who was trailed by "rapper" T-Pain. When I see artists like T-Pain, it's inspiring. It inspires me to go make a record because apparently they're letting any-f***ing-body do it. Kanye strolled about the hotel and it was a good show.
- Alicia Keys is up next. She turned the joint out, but what did you expect? I love the black and silver boots. She did a new song then capped that off by bringing out a choir and doing a remake of George Michael's "Freedom". Now that's what I'm talking about!
- Jamie Foxx and Jennifer Garner came out to present the next award. Jamie said we need to stop all of this white-on-white crime. Apparently a fight broke out between Kid Rock and Tommy Lee over Pamela Anderson. Ahhh, white trash drama at its finest. Aw damn, you almost hate to see it. You would think that there was only one blonde skank with big boobs on earth. For Pete's sake fellas, you're in Vegas! I can't wait to get the real story in the Enquirer.
- MJB came out, damn near in tears, to introduce Dr. Dre. He presented the Video of the Year award to the increasingly hot looking Rihanna. Is she from England or that one of those fake Madonna/Tina Turner accents?
- Diddy came out. He said he was supposed to be with Kid Rock, but instead was joined by Young Joc. They said we have to stop the violence in rock and roll.
- The last performance of the night. Finally. It's Timberlake, Nelly Furtado and Timbaland. It was aiiight. Nice dance moves by JT.
The Verdict: It was a decent show. I was glad to see Britney not do something trainwreckish for once. Best performance goes to Alicia Keys. Props to MTV for making this thing only two hours this year. Even though it still felt like five.
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