The Oscars

God only knows why, but I decided to give the Oscars a chance last night. I regretted it a mere ten minutes later. I saw Kirk Douglas rambling, the lady who won Best Supporting Actress spacing out, and Justin Timberlake painfully reciting some awkward dialogue. Needless to say, I was knee deep in NBA action after fifteen minutes. I checked back periodically and the only highlights were appearances by Jennifer Hudson, Halle Berry, and Marisa Tomei (who should win a retroactive Oscar for her stripper scenes in The Wrestler a couple of years ago). The "Gwenyth Paltrow can SING" gimmick has run its course. Why was Corey Haim skipped over in the deaths segment? They were showing legendary key grips for Pete's sake, but not one half of The Coreys? What is wrong with these people? I should have gotten an award for sitting through this thing.

The Rock Returns To Raw Tonight!

It's gonna be on and poppin' tonight!

(Photo from facebook.com/dwaynejohnson)

Here We Go Again

A shocker-- what could this be? Coherent booking? A match longer than five minutes? A straight up match with no stipulations? I won't get my hopes up.

Survivor/American Idol

Wow-- and we thought Naonka was crazy last season! Survivor debuted last night and dropped Phillip on us, perhaps the craziest contestant yet. The man just unravled during the tribal council. His pronounciation of "Francesqua" was one of the funniest moments in the series history. I was hoping he would get voted off though so we never have to see him walking around in draws again. This is shaping up to be one of the best seasons.

Over on American Idol, the group round was pretty good. I loved the flashback in the beginning of the obnoxius guy a few seasons ago who exclaimed "I DO NOT DO GROUPS!" I was kind of sorry to see the Latin drama queen girl leave (and she dragged that blonde girl down with her). By the end of the show, I was so sick of seeing the guy who auditioned with his ex-girlfriend (who looked like Diamond Dallas Page). I was elated when he ironically forgot the words to "Forget You" and was promptly booted. Tonight: we're down to 50!

Well, Well, Well...

The good folks at Sports Illustrated have unveiled the cover of their annual swimsuit issue and it looks like we have a winner. Apparently this lass is from Russia; I wonder if she's ever stood in line for toilet paper. Unlikely. Also, I read that she was dating a soccer player. Unless it's someone from the St. Louis Steamers, that's a tragedy.

(Photo from sportsillustrated.com)

He Just Saved WrestleMania

It was so great to see The Rock return last night. They announced on WWE Raw last night that he will be the host of WrestleMania this year. He gave a great promo that brought back memories of the glory years. As an added bonus, he absolutely buried John Cena. This suddenly makes WrestleMania a must-see show. One question though: who was the broad that came out of the limo?

(Photo from wwe.com)

The Grammys

Nothing else was on, so I decided to catch the 192nd annual Grammys show. It started off hot but lost steam somewhere in the last hour or so. These shows need to take a cue from the MTV Awards and trim them down to two hours. Anyway, the highlights:

- Loved the tribute to Aretha Franklin. Christina Aquilera redeemed herself from last week's overblown anthem fiasco (although she did fall towards the end), David Otunga's wife was excellent and Yolanda Adams topped them all. Fantastic start to the show.

- I could have really gone without seeing Ricky Martin in tight ass football pants.

- Lady Gaga. Where do we start? The pointy shoulders? Were those horns coming out of her head? I mean, damn, this broad came out of an egg! I exchanged texts with world-reknowned music critic Jeffrey Watkins throughout this. He called her Madonna 2011. I said within five years she will be speaking with an English accent. This was the first time I heard the new song and it was fun. It may grow on me more.

- Speaking of Gaga, I caught her segment on 60 Minutes just before the Grammys. Not many shocking revelations, although she did admit to smoking pot and drinking whiskey during the creative process. I guess that explains the "Telefone" video. I also liked when she showed up for the interview with her ass out. You never saw that back in the days when Mike Wallace would interview Gerald Ford. And for good reason. Still cracks me up that her real name is Stefani.

- Usher and his son Justin Beiber was fine for what it was. For some reason, I thought I would be more annoyed with Beiber than I am right now.

- Stefani won an award! I can't believe those clowns played the "wrap it up" music during Gaga's speech! Hell no! You save that for Muse or Sugarland.

- I still don't know why the Muppets were out there with Cee-Lo. I was uncomfortable with Gwyneth Paltrow saying "ass" in front of the Muppets.

- I liked the Rihanna/Eminem/Dr. Dre segment. It may have been my favorite of the night.

- Can someone explain how in the world Justin Beiber qualified for best new artist? I know he's been grating on my nerves for at least TWO years by now.

- More Rihanna, which is just fine by me.

- What was that segment with Jennifer Lopez and her man? He looked like, well, like someone who had to sit and listen to her drone on for five years. Can you even imagine the amount of pure bullshit this man has had to hear over the last few years? It's unfathomable.

- If they re-do Three's Company as a new TV show or movie, who else could they possibly get to play Mr. Furley than Mick Jagger? It's so perfect. As soon as they put that show on the air, he'll be on there collecting rent every week! Make this happen.

- Who in the hell is Arcade Fire? Should I know them? Maybe I should get out more.

Super Bowl

Congratulations to the Green Bay Packers for becoming this year's World Champions of professional football. Props to QB Aaron Rodgers for wearing the WWE title belt (a.k.a. the "Ric Flair belt") on his shoulder during the MVP ceremony. They should start handing out title belts instead of championship rings. I thought the commercials were kinda lame but the two that stood out for me were the Darth Vader/VW ad and the one with Kim Kardashian. Star Wars and big asses will get me every time.

(Photo from wweshop.com)

Holly's World

Week Two of Holly's World wasn't as good as Week One (and how could it be?), but it was tolerable. No appearance by the arch enemy this week, which was a huge mistake. This broad needs to be mixing it up every week. This week's episode centered around Holly going to the Playboy mansion to confront Hugh Hefner about his new fiance. Bascially, the broad talked a lot of shit and went soft when she got there. She met the new fiance and couldn't have been nicer. I just wish someone on the show would acknowledge how ridiculous it is for Hefner to be dating someone so young. Realistically, he should be dating Betty White. Oh well. Hopefully next week we will see the return of Jayde.

(Photo from eonline.com)

The Raven Effect

Congratulations go out to Raven Symone, who just had her new show The Great State of Georgia picked up by the ABC Family channel. Too bad it wasn't a show on late night HBO or a revival of Red Shoe Diaries (she's like 25 now, I can make that joke, right?)

(Photo from Kontrol Magazine)

Taker vs. Sting?

It's a fake, but I can still get excited, right?