American Idol: Season Finale

After five months, it's finally time to decide a winner. But first-- two hours of filler! Highlights included:

- Things started off decent with the group performance of "Get Ready", which was one of the better group numbers this year. Could have done without the David's sappy duet of "Hero".

- Summer movie tie-in! Mike Myers did a taped/live skit that went on far too long. I smell a flop! At least Mini-Me is working again.

- Our first celebrity duet of the night as Seal joins Syesha for that "I Have Been Waiting" song, which still reminds me of NBC's new fall season ad campaign from a couple of years ago. I thought Seal kind of overpowered her, but hey, the guy is on a roll.

- Next up was the Donna Summer medley from the girls, highlighted by rocker Amanda Overmeyer looking awkward in a dress while doing basic choreography and singing disco. This is exactly why the live American Idol concerts are so fun. The Disco Queen herself joined the girls and even shared the mic with Syesha, who fared better this time out.

- Carly the tattoo girl and Michael Johns joined together for a nice duet. Carly seemed better without the pressure of the contest and seemed to let loose more.

- Jimmy Kimmel did a little comedy segment highlighted by making a joke about Sanjaya parking cars. For some reason, he was actually there.

- Simon was quiet for most of the evening (before delivering a big mea culpa to David Cook at the end). Paula couldn't sit down for most of the night. And Randy. Aw, holmes! Whoever talked him into that jacket was a hell of a salesman:

Seriously, don't they have mirrors in California? Where have I seen that monstrosity before? I know I've seen it before! Wait, it's coming to me.........

Aw hell naw! Who knew that Captain Kangaroo was a fashion pioneer?

- "Summer of '69", "Heaven"-- it could only mean a segment with annoying Canadian rocker Bryan Adams. Painful. Things got a little better though with David Cook's performance of "Sharp Dressed Man" with ZZ Top. At this point, the show fell off a cliff with back to back segments of Graham Nash and Brooke White (snooze), the Jonas Brothers, One Republic and David Archuleta, and the return of the "I Am Your Brother" guy. This was the most brutal stretch of television since the last "M*A*S*H" marathon on TV Land.

- Last year's winner, Jordin Sparks, returned. She's still very tall.

- Summer movie tie-in #2: Funny skit with old footage of Gladys Knight and "The Pips", who consisted of Robert Downey Junior, Jack Black and Ben Stiller. This was followed by a performance from Idol alumni Carrie Underwood, who has improved so much from her Idol days, when I absolutely could not stand her. See, I give props when they're due.

- Guitar Hero commercials with the two Davids. This was more charisma than Archuleta has shown all season.

- One last singing segment with a George Michael medley from the Idols, then the man himself hits the stage. He looks rough. It's not 1987 anymore. He sang one of the new songs and it went on forever. At least we still have the "Faith" album.

- Finally after all this, a winner is announced. David Cook pulled it out, with a margin of 12 million votes. He got teary eyed for a bit, then sang the awful contest-winning song, as the runner up smiled and contemplated the long car ride home with his physco father. Good night now!

(Photo from ew.com)