Celebrity Rehab

Oh, where do I start? VH-1 is back with a vengeance. Last night they debuted Celebrity Rehab. This might be the saddest reality show yet. Yes, even sadder than Joe Millionaire 2. They assembled a perfect cast of D-Level stars, including Jeff Conaway of Taxi and Grease, a girl from American Idol, Mary Carey of porn, a Baldwin brother, Bridgette Nielsen (who must have signed a 20-show contract with VH-1), a rock singer guy and a girl from Family Matters. And of course it couldn't be a low brow reality show without Chyna (above) coming on board. The show's premise is that this group of misfits tries to kick their addictions under the supervision of Dr. Drew from Loveline. Highlights of the show included:

- Chyna/Joanie was in such denial that she told Dr. Drew that she didn't really need rehab. He asked why she was there then (oh I don't know-- maybe to get some airtime at any cost?). She just giggled.

- The girl from Family Matters said that she smoked weed at least once an hour. Now her lungs are starting to give out. She said that when money problems popped up, she turned to porn. Welcome to VH-1.

- Jeff Conaway snorted cocaine and showed up so high that he barely had any motor skills. What's the under/over in Vegas for how long until he goes on a tirade about how he used to be in Grease and Taxi? Two episodes?

- Mary Carey showed up apparently drunk and brought porn DVDs with her. She offered to screw the rock star guy. Of the enter cast, she is the only one for who this show is actually a step up.

- Since the show was taped, the girl from American Idol has been thrown out of a bar and arrested, got knocked up (with speculation on who the father is), and had a sex tape released. Do you think the rehab took?

This show was absolutely phenominal. With Rock of Love coming back on Sunday and Flavor of Love 3 coming next month, with all apologies to I Love Lucy, Bob Hope and all of those bastards, we are now entering the Golden Age of Television.