WrestleMania Preview

It's that time of year again. Can you feel it in the air? It's like Christmas around here. It's the Super Bowl of Wrestling. It's WrestleMania Time again. The 23rd edition of the annual spring extravaganza takes place this year on Sunday at Ford Field in Detroit. People from as far as St. Peters, Black Jack, and Spanish Lake will converge on the Hollywood Basement to witness what should be a fantastic show. Here are my picks for some of the matches:

Bobby Lashley vs. Umaga (with the hair of Donald Trump and Vince McMahon on the line)

This is the match that has gotten the most hype in the media, due to the involvement of Donald Trump. This should probably live up to the hype. I think Lashley (above, jacked) will come through in his first match on the big stage, Umaga is solid, there will be plenty of outside distractions, plus "Stone Cold" Steve Austin will be the referee, which guarantees fireworks. If Lashley loses, Trump gets his weird hair shaved off. If Umaga loses, WWE owner Vince McMahon has his possibly fake hair removed. From all indications, it should end with Vince throwing a fit and getting the haircut.

World Heavyweight Title: Batista vs. The Undertaker

The Undertaker has never lost at a WrestleMania. And it ain't gonna happen this year. Undertaker should prevail, in what I expect to be a terrible match. Batista is awful. I decided to put that down so it would now be on public record.

WWE Title Match: John Cena vs. "Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels

What is the difference between the World Title and the WWE Title? I don't know, man; one of them spins. Anyway, this could be the match of the night. I'll actually be routing for the Heartbreak Kid to take it, but Cena is walking out with it.

Kane vs. Giant Khali

This will surely be the worse match of the night. Kane is good but I don't think the Great Khali has even seen a good match before, let alone actually been in one. I will be hitting the food table hard during this match.

WWE Women's Title Match: Melina vs. Ashley

Melina vs. Ashley? Who gives a damn! The lovely Kristal Marshall (above!) will be at ringside with the rest of the Divas and putting them all to shame. Lord have mercy. LORD... have mercy.

The rest: The match I'm looking forward to the most is the Money In The Bank Ladder Match. Edge or Mr. Kennedy will win. Both of the Hardy Boys are in it, so it should be great. Plus my current favorite wrestler, King Booker is in it and that makes it good already... I think Chris Benoit vs. MVP will be surprisingly good, all due to Benoit... I'll hate to see it, but the New Breed will probably squash the ECW Originals. Sad.

Eight matches. Four hours. Special 6:00 starting time. Aretha Franklin will kick things off with the national anthem. It should be a good show. This is what it's all about, daddy!