It's Diana Ross week. I remember when I was little, my sister had a Diana Ross doll. Had she kept it in the box and not cut off all the hair, she could probably retire now. But anyway, I was never the biggest Diana Ross fan; I always found the songs kind of bland. We'll see how the contestants fare with the material. After clips of Diana's career they showed her working with the contestants. I can't remember if she is currently crazy or not.
First up was Token Black Guy. His version of Phil Collins', er, Diana's "You Can't Hurry Love" was just aiiight. The panel let him have it. TBG's father looked on from the audience. Simon might want to watch it because I bet that brother has a razor taped to the bottom of his shoe. Next up was my pick to win it, The Career Backup Singer. Oh, but first, it's Ryan and Simon's first homophobic exchange of the season! And what's odd is that they are both flaming. Back to the singing, Melinda nailed one of the songs from The Wiz. Everyone loved it. Paula was in tears. Simon compared her to Gladys Knight. Damn. Wild Hair Guy had to follow that. The people seem to like him. He is kinda doing a light shuffle, not quite a tap dance, on my nerves. He did a revamped "Endless Love". It was nothing I would ever want to hear again. Simon said he murdered it. I kind of miss Antonella. Not that it was relevant to Wild Hair's performance, I was just saying.
After the break, it's Gina The Great White Female Hope. She was very average. You may join Token Black Guy in the bottom two thus far. Next, it's Sanjaya. I read on Entertainment Weekly's website that she wanted to sing "Are You Gonna Be My Girl?" but it couldn't be cleared. Good move, Jet. She hit the stage and absolutely wrecked "Ain't No Mountain High Enough". I would rather be whupped than to hear that again. Yes, "whupped" with a "u". Once again, you can tell when someone is really bad this season when they keep cutting to the background singers. I bet Gina and Brandon were backstage high-fiving each other.
Haley, who had no business even making the top 12 of anything let alone American Idol, was next. BRUTAL. Even she knew it was bad. After the first two notes, even Sanjaya probably said "Thank the Lord; I'm staying". In a very high pitched voice. Randy and Paula dissed Haley but Simon actually said she had good stage presence. What the hell was he watching? He said she wasn't that bad. I spent the next few minutes trying to figure out his ulterior motive. Did I just see Jennifer Love Hewitt in an underwear commercial? Now this is where I hoped her career would start going.
The Bald Guy Who Left His Wife When She Was About To Give Birth To Go Audition For A Reality Show was next. He did an old Marvin Gaye/Diana song. To me, it was just kind of there. Of course, that was good enough to get through to the next round on this night. Next up was the other star of the show Lakisha. She brilliantly skirted around the whole Diana Ross Night by choosing "God Bless The Child", a Billie Holliday song that was sung by Diana in "Lady Sings The Blues". Of course she nailed it. As much as her and Melinda are head and shoulders above the rest, there is NO WAY they will be in the final two. I can see it coming.
Hey, it's the Human Beatbox. He likes James Taylor, Michael Jackson and Prince. He wanted to make the Diana Ross song his own. He took it home and slowed the song down on his computer. Rich boy. He did "Keep Me Hanging On". It was 80's and lame. Watch and see if this clown isn't in the top two at the finale show. Next was Stephanie, who did "Love Hangover" but didn't do the disco part. I know there are only about two minutes to do the song, but damn. It was okay though. I hope she doesn't get cut. She was followed by Timberlake Wannabe. I don't even know what song it was that he butchered. It was forgettable. Simon said he would change the channel if he heard it on the radio. Paula was previously dancing to it in the aisle. Can they please strap this woman in her seat? Seventeen year old Jordin finished the show. I feel kind of like a pervert watching her. She is currently number three on the Hollywood American Idol Depth Chart. She didn't mess up, which was quite good enough on this evening. Randy said she made it a three girl race. I don't know about all that but she's hot. Even Simon liked it. If there is justice, Sanjaya and his hair will be going home.
First up was Token Black Guy. His version of Phil Collins', er, Diana's "You Can't Hurry Love" was just aiiight. The panel let him have it. TBG's father looked on from the audience. Simon might want to watch it because I bet that brother has a razor taped to the bottom of his shoe. Next up was my pick to win it, The Career Backup Singer. Oh, but first, it's Ryan and Simon's first homophobic exchange of the season! And what's odd is that they are both flaming. Back to the singing, Melinda nailed one of the songs from The Wiz. Everyone loved it. Paula was in tears. Simon compared her to Gladys Knight. Damn. Wild Hair Guy had to follow that. The people seem to like him. He is kinda doing a light shuffle, not quite a tap dance, on my nerves. He did a revamped "Endless Love". It was nothing I would ever want to hear again. Simon said he murdered it. I kind of miss Antonella. Not that it was relevant to Wild Hair's performance, I was just saying.
After the break, it's Gina The Great White Female Hope. She was very average. You may join Token Black Guy in the bottom two thus far. Next, it's Sanjaya. I read on Entertainment Weekly's website that she wanted to sing "Are You Gonna Be My Girl?" but it couldn't be cleared. Good move, Jet. She hit the stage and absolutely wrecked "Ain't No Mountain High Enough". I would rather be whupped than to hear that again. Yes, "whupped" with a "u". Once again, you can tell when someone is really bad this season when they keep cutting to the background singers. I bet Gina and Brandon were backstage high-fiving each other.
Haley, who had no business even making the top 12 of anything let alone American Idol, was next. BRUTAL. Even she knew it was bad. After the first two notes, even Sanjaya probably said "Thank the Lord; I'm staying". In a very high pitched voice. Randy and Paula dissed Haley but Simon actually said she had good stage presence. What the hell was he watching? He said she wasn't that bad. I spent the next few minutes trying to figure out his ulterior motive. Did I just see Jennifer Love Hewitt in an underwear commercial? Now this is where I hoped her career would start going.
The Bald Guy Who Left His Wife When She Was About To Give Birth To Go Audition For A Reality Show was next. He did an old Marvin Gaye/Diana song. To me, it was just kind of there. Of course, that was good enough to get through to the next round on this night. Next up was the other star of the show Lakisha. She brilliantly skirted around the whole Diana Ross Night by choosing "God Bless The Child", a Billie Holliday song that was sung by Diana in "Lady Sings The Blues". Of course she nailed it. As much as her and Melinda are head and shoulders above the rest, there is NO WAY they will be in the final two. I can see it coming.
Hey, it's the Human Beatbox. He likes James Taylor, Michael Jackson and Prince. He wanted to make the Diana Ross song his own. He took it home and slowed the song down on his computer. Rich boy. He did "Keep Me Hanging On". It was 80's and lame. Watch and see if this clown isn't in the top two at the finale show. Next was Stephanie, who did "Love Hangover" but didn't do the disco part. I know there are only about two minutes to do the song, but damn. It was okay though. I hope she doesn't get cut. She was followed by Timberlake Wannabe. I don't even know what song it was that he butchered. It was forgettable. Simon said he would change the channel if he heard it on the radio. Paula was previously dancing to it in the aisle. Can they please strap this woman in her seat? Seventeen year old Jordin finished the show. I feel kind of like a pervert watching her. She is currently number three on the Hollywood American Idol Depth Chart. She didn't mess up, which was quite good enough on this evening. Randy said she made it a three girl race. I don't know about all that but she's hot. Even Simon liked it. If there is justice, Sanjaya and his hair will be going home.
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