It's British Invasion Week. They brought out the guy from Herman's Hermits and some bird to assist the contestants. I guess they spent all of the talent budget on Diana Ross last week.
First up was Haley. She wore high heels and tiny shorts. Anything to win the competition. If she makes it three more weeks, by then she'll have on clear stripper heels and a bikini. She did a shitty version of "Tell Him", which Randy and Paula raved over. Randy even told us "She's back!" Randy is an idiot. I think we're in for a long night.
Timberlake Wannabe is next. He says his only goal is to finally nail a song. He did "Don't Let The Sun Catch You Crying". It sounded like something that Kermit the Frog might sing on a Muppets special. Randy called it another great performace. Um, when did we have the first great performance? Stephanie followed that with a Dusty Springfield song. I have not recognized one of these songs yet. It was okay. The panel dissed it. Awwww, here we go. She's as good as gone. Beatbox Guy was next with his checkered pants and his updated "Time of the Season". I think I heard this song on a Time-Life commercial once. Paula, please, please sit your ass down. He does some breakdancing and beatboxing. It was about average. The panel loved it. Randy said it had the "Yo Factor", whatever the hell that is. Ryan even tried to breakdance. It's a love affair.
After the break, it's Lakisha with "Diamonds Are Forever", which I only know because Kanye West jacked it for his last album. Another good performance from her. The panel panned it though. Randy didn't think it had enough Lakisha. What? Yeah, like this wasn't ten times better than that horseshit that the first girl spit out. It was followed by Phil, who screamed his way through "Tobacco Road". Of course, they loved it.
Lovely Jordin was next. She said she doesn't have a man. She nailed "I Who Have Nothing". The judges liked it, even though Simon said it was depressing and made him want to jump off of a bridge.
And speaking of which, it's Sanjaya. He broke out "You Really Got Me". They cut to a little girl in the audience who was crying and had a pained expression on her face. I hear ya. It was wretched. He went in the audience and danced on the ledge next to the judges. It was just awful. They kept cutting back to the girl. By the fifth time they went back to her, it looked she had to drop a deuce. Randy loved it and said it was his best performance. Randy's credibility was in tatters and walking around broke with shoestrings holding up his pants after this night. Simon said the girl's face said it all. Of course then they interviewed the girl, which accomplished her entire goal of getting on TV. Sanjaya went over and hugged her. It looked like two broads celebrating making the cheerleading team. This song was enough to send him home, but we shall see.
After that fiasco, it's the "rocker", Gina. She did "Paint It Black". It was a hot mess. Randy didn't like it. Paula babbled some non-helpful nonsense about how Gina really looked like she was having fun. Simon rightfully said it was terrible. Chris did "She's Not There". It was fine. He performed in the crowd. He's like a modern day Christopher Cross.
The show ended with Melinda. She had the best performance of the night and the judges agreed. Sanjaya sounded even worse on the recap. Please send him home. Ahhh, time for Fake ECW. Oh, that Ariel.....
First up was Haley. She wore high heels and tiny shorts. Anything to win the competition. If she makes it three more weeks, by then she'll have on clear stripper heels and a bikini. She did a shitty version of "Tell Him", which Randy and Paula raved over. Randy even told us "She's back!" Randy is an idiot. I think we're in for a long night.
Timberlake Wannabe is next. He says his only goal is to finally nail a song. He did "Don't Let The Sun Catch You Crying". It sounded like something that Kermit the Frog might sing on a Muppets special. Randy called it another great performace. Um, when did we have the first great performance? Stephanie followed that with a Dusty Springfield song. I have not recognized one of these songs yet. It was okay. The panel dissed it. Awwww, here we go. She's as good as gone. Beatbox Guy was next with his checkered pants and his updated "Time of the Season". I think I heard this song on a Time-Life commercial once. Paula, please, please sit your ass down. He does some breakdancing and beatboxing. It was about average. The panel loved it. Randy said it had the "Yo Factor", whatever the hell that is. Ryan even tried to breakdance. It's a love affair.
After the break, it's Lakisha with "Diamonds Are Forever", which I only know because Kanye West jacked it for his last album. Another good performance from her. The panel panned it though. Randy didn't think it had enough Lakisha. What? Yeah, like this wasn't ten times better than that horseshit that the first girl spit out. It was followed by Phil, who screamed his way through "Tobacco Road". Of course, they loved it.
Lovely Jordin was next. She said she doesn't have a man. She nailed "I Who Have Nothing". The judges liked it, even though Simon said it was depressing and made him want to jump off of a bridge.
And speaking of which, it's Sanjaya. He broke out "You Really Got Me". They cut to a little girl in the audience who was crying and had a pained expression on her face. I hear ya. It was wretched. He went in the audience and danced on the ledge next to the judges. It was just awful. They kept cutting back to the girl. By the fifth time they went back to her, it looked she had to drop a deuce. Randy loved it and said it was his best performance. Randy's credibility was in tatters and walking around broke with shoestrings holding up his pants after this night. Simon said the girl's face said it all. Of course then they interviewed the girl, which accomplished her entire goal of getting on TV. Sanjaya went over and hugged her. It looked like two broads celebrating making the cheerleading team. This song was enough to send him home, but we shall see.
After that fiasco, it's the "rocker", Gina. She did "Paint It Black". It was a hot mess. Randy didn't like it. Paula babbled some non-helpful nonsense about how Gina really looked like she was having fun. Simon rightfully said it was terrible. Chris did "She's Not There". It was fine. He performed in the crowd. He's like a modern day Christopher Cross.
The show ended with Melinda. She had the best performance of the night and the judges agreed. Sanjaya sounded even worse on the recap. Please send him home. Ahhh, time for Fake ECW. Oh, that Ariel.....
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