WrestleMania Preview

It's that time of year again. Can you feel it in the air? It's like Christmas around here. It's the Super Bowl of Wrestling. It's WrestleMania Time again. The 23rd edition of the annual spring extravaganza takes place this year on Sunday at Ford Field in Detroit. People from as far as St. Peters, Black Jack, and Spanish Lake will converge on the Hollywood Basement to witness what should be a fantastic show. Here are my picks for some of the matches:

Bobby Lashley vs. Umaga (with the hair of Donald Trump and Vince McMahon on the line)

This is the match that has gotten the most hype in the media, due to the involvement of Donald Trump. This should probably live up to the hype. I think Lashley (above, jacked) will come through in his first match on the big stage, Umaga is solid, there will be plenty of outside distractions, plus "Stone Cold" Steve Austin will be the referee, which guarantees fireworks. If Lashley loses, Trump gets his weird hair shaved off. If Umaga loses, WWE owner Vince McMahon has his possibly fake hair removed. From all indications, it should end with Vince throwing a fit and getting the haircut.

World Heavyweight Title: Batista vs. The Undertaker

The Undertaker has never lost at a WrestleMania. And it ain't gonna happen this year. Undertaker should prevail, in what I expect to be a terrible match. Batista is awful. I decided to put that down so it would now be on public record.

WWE Title Match: John Cena vs. "Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels

What is the difference between the World Title and the WWE Title? I don't know, man; one of them spins. Anyway, this could be the match of the night. I'll actually be routing for the Heartbreak Kid to take it, but Cena is walking out with it.

Kane vs. Giant Khali

This will surely be the worse match of the night. Kane is good but I don't think the Great Khali has even seen a good match before, let alone actually been in one. I will be hitting the food table hard during this match.

WWE Women's Title Match: Melina vs. Ashley

Melina vs. Ashley? Who gives a damn! The lovely Kristal Marshall (above!) will be at ringside with the rest of the Divas and putting them all to shame. Lord have mercy. LORD... have mercy.

The rest: The match I'm looking forward to the most is the Money In The Bank Ladder Match. Edge or Mr. Kennedy will win. Both of the Hardy Boys are in it, so it should be great. Plus my current favorite wrestler, King Booker is in it and that makes it good already... I think Chris Benoit vs. MVP will be surprisingly good, all due to Benoit... I'll hate to see it, but the New Breed will probably squash the ECW Originals. Sad.

Eight matches. Four hours. Special 6:00 starting time. Aretha Franklin will kick things off with the national anthem. It should be a good show. This is what it's all about, daddy!

Random Thoughts During American Idol

It's Gwen Stefani and The People Who Influenced Her Week. Lakisha started things off. She did "Last Dance" by Donna Summer. It was good. I liked the outfit. The judges liked the performance. Good start. The guy with the wild hair was next. He really is starting to sound more and more like Christopher Cross with each passing week. He was off key on The Police's "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic". The judges let him have it. Gina came out for some song I didn't recognize. I thought it was awful. The judges loved it and said it was the best of the night. What do I know?

Next up was Sanjaya. Gwen pretty much buried him during the intro. What was that abomination on that idiot's head? He's making a mockery out of the thing now. He looked like the Red Rooster from 80's WWF Wrestling. He sang a No Doubt song and it was brutal. I think because he chose to present himself as a fool this week, he might finally get voted off. No one wants to support a dummy. I DON'T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST SAW!

To continue the pure shittiness (is that with two t's or one?), it was followed by Haley. I love how Gwen can see the trainwrecks coming and is distancing herself from them during the intros. Haley starts off sitting onstage, while wearing a short skirt. I'm just surprised that she even wore draws. She turned in a pitiful performance of Cyndi Lauper's "True Colors". It was awful, but compared to Sanjaya, this was Aretha Franklin.

After the break, it's Phil with "Every Breath You Take". It was okay. He's just here filling a roster spot. Gwen said that Melinda blew her away. I love Gwen Stefani. I'm going to take back what I said about that yodeling song she did last year. Melinda did "Heaven Knows" by Donna Summer. It was fun to see her on an uptempo song. She did well as usual and the judges loved it, except for the outfit.

Time for Beatbox Guy. He did a song by The Cure (or one of those groups that I hated in the 80's). It looks like Gwen talked him out of that beatbox foolishness for the evening. I wish she could be on every week. Paula said that BG was making the show hip and contemporary. Oh lord. That's like on The Surreal Life Fame Games this weekend when some old lady said that Vanilla Ice was "hip and now". Simon said he was the best guy in the competition, which is like saying some team is the best in the NIT tournament. Jordin faltered on No Doubt's "Hey Baby". It was brutal in parts. But she had on a kind of schoolgirl outfit. And now let's take a look at the Hollywood Leader Board: (gasp) it's Jordin at number one! Inexplicibly, the judges loved the song.

Timberlake's Little Brother finished the show. He butchered "Don't Speak". It was more like Don't Sing. What are the judges listening to tonight? They loved it.

Even the wrap-up at the end was awful. Tomorrow, it's Gwen and Akon. And hopefully the last of Rooster Boy.

Britney vs. Christina, Round 3,265: Last Weekend

Fresh out of rehab. Wow, her hair sure grew back fast!

Yes, it's the latest in Hooker Wear! Looks like we've got our old Xtina back!

Advantage: Christina

Pix From Kelly Jackson's Going Away Party

Dig It!

My cable system has finally done something right. I am proud to announce that as of next week, my cable system will finally offer the WWE 24/7 Network. Forty hours of programming each month for the mere fee of $7.99. Classic footage from the 70's, 80's, 90's and more with such stars as the Hulk Hogan, "Macho Man" Randy Savage and Elizabeth (above), Ric Flair, The Rock and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. It's like a dream come true. Now granted, I will miss things like going outside, interacting with people, and holding a steady job, but hey, sometimes sacrifices have to be made.

Steroid scandal? What steroid scandal? Who cares! I'm about to get 24/7!!!

Idol Results

I can't even believe this. It looks like she got ahold of some bad ham hocks, then somebody locked the door of the executive washroom.

Well, I called it that Stephanie would be gone, while the marginally talented Sanjaya and Tiny Shorts advanced. Some sites called it a surprise, but if you've followed the pattern of this show since Season One, it's like being surprised that the sun is coming up in the morning. Mark my words, in the finals it will be Beatbox Guy and Haley. In totally unrelated news, it has been reported that the Hollywood Nation staff will not be going to the Live Idols Show for the first time in four years. Enduring Clay Aiken is one thing; sitting through fifteen minutes of Sanjaya and his gloves is quite another.

Tonight, last year's American Idol winner Taylor Hicks is doing a show in town, as well as the best band in America, The Roots. On top of that, tomorrow we get some NCAA action right here in St. Louis. We're the entertainment mecca, baby.

Random Thoughts During American Idol

It's British Invasion Week. They brought out the guy from Herman's Hermits and some bird to assist the contestants. I guess they spent all of the talent budget on Diana Ross last week.

First up was Haley. She wore high heels and tiny shorts. Anything to win the competition. If she makes it three more weeks, by then she'll have on clear stripper heels and a bikini. She did a shitty version of "Tell Him", which Randy and Paula raved over. Randy even told us "She's back!" Randy is an idiot. I think we're in for a long night.

Timberlake Wannabe is next. He says his only goal is to finally nail a song. He did "Don't Let The Sun Catch You Crying". It sounded like something that Kermit the Frog might sing on a Muppets special. Randy called it another great performace. Um, when did we have the first great performance? Stephanie followed that with a Dusty Springfield song. I have not recognized one of these songs yet. It was okay. The panel dissed it. Awwww, here we go. She's as good as gone. Beatbox Guy was next with his checkered pants and his updated "Time of the Season". I think I heard this song on a Time-Life commercial once. Paula, please, please sit your ass down. He does some breakdancing and beatboxing. It was about average. The panel loved it. Randy said it had the "Yo Factor", whatever the hell that is. Ryan even tried to breakdance. It's a love affair.

After the break, it's Lakisha with "Diamonds Are Forever", which I only know because Kanye West jacked it for his last album. Another good performance from her. The panel panned it though. Randy didn't think it had enough Lakisha. What? Yeah, like this wasn't ten times better than that horseshit that the first girl spit out. It was followed by Phil, who screamed his way through "Tobacco Road". Of course, they loved it.

Lovely Jordin was next. She said she doesn't have a man. She nailed "I Who Have Nothing". The judges liked it, even though Simon said it was depressing and made him want to jump off of a bridge.

And speaking of which, it's Sanjaya. He broke out "You Really Got Me". They cut to a little girl in the audience who was crying and had a pained expression on her face. I hear ya. It was wretched. He went in the audience and danced on the ledge next to the judges. It was just awful. They kept cutting back to the girl. By the fifth time they went back to her, it looked she had to drop a deuce. Randy loved it and said it was his best performance. Randy's credibility was in tatters and walking around broke with shoestrings holding up his pants after this night. Simon said the girl's face said it all. Of course then they interviewed the girl, which accomplished her entire goal of getting on TV. Sanjaya went over and hugged her. It looked like two broads celebrating making the cheerleading team. This song was enough to send him home, but we shall see.

After that fiasco, it's the "rocker", Gina. She did "Paint It Black". It was a hot mess. Randy didn't like it. Paula babbled some non-helpful nonsense about how Gina really looked like she was having fun. Simon rightfully said it was terrible. Chris did "She's Not There". It was fine. He performed in the crowd. He's like a modern day Christopher Cross.

The show ended with Melinda. She had the best performance of the night and the judges agreed. Sanjaya sounded even worse on the recap. Please send him home. Ahhh, time for Fake ECW. Oh, that Ariel.....

Dancing With The Stars Season Premiere

Dancing with the Stars had its two hour season premiere last night. I didn't get to see all of it but what I did see was fun. The cast didn't seem as charasmatic as some of the previous seasons but they have some potential. I was surprised by Steve Sanders from Beverly Hills 90210. He has a good chance to win since he was paired up with the dancer that has won the past two seasons. I can't wait to see Dylan, Brenda and the rest of the gang in the audience cheering him on as the season progresses.

It seems like this year's comedy contestant will be Cliff from Cheers. At least he wasn't as embarrassing as previous contestants like Master P though. In fact, I hope he stays since his partner (pictured above) is totally hot. I don't think I've seen Billy Ray Cyrus since 1990. Your boy took it back to the caveman days and not only dragged his partner by the hair, but pulled the poor woman's weave off. Oh hells no! He probably got his ass kicked backstage. The guy from N'Sync did pretty well, as expected. I always found it ironic that his name is Fatone and he was the fat one of the group.

Florissant's own Shandi Finnessey represented the city well. She will make a nice mid-level contestant who will be booted by the fifth week. Of course the news wasn't all good for North County yesterday as WWE Superstar and Hazelwood's own Randy Orton was named in a Sports Illustrated story about athletes who had received steroids. I'm as shocked as you are. Well, at least we're getting a Hooters soon.

Anyway, the star to me was Muhammed Ali's daughter. Good dancing and fine as hell. Plus she just might knock out one of the judges, which is long overdue. The last performer I saw was Heather Mills, who is currently divorcing Paul McCartney. I thought she did pretty well. You know Paul was at home throwing stuff at the TV and hoping she would fall. Dude, sign a prenup next time. I don't think they're cutting anyone until next week. It will probably be the skater guy who goes (although I didn't even see him). Just keep the Cheers guy and his broad.

Weekend Wrap-Up

It has been reported that Bobby Brown is shopping around a reality show where skan, er, women would compete to be his girlfriend. He reportedly said he would do such things as have the girls cook for him while walking around in bikinis. This concept has the possibility-- the possibility-- of being the greatest show of all-time. For real, they could program this against the last episode of The Sopranos and the Rams vs. the Patriots and I would still watch it.

I watched the 60 Minutes profile on Simon Cowell. They said this clown makes something like 30 million dollars a year for acting like a complete shithead every Tuesday on Fox. He should come out dressed in all black and wearing a ski mask every week. They also revealed a fact that not too many people know (I did!): that he got his start by being an executive producer on WrestleMania: The Album. I'm sure he would have liked if that had been hidden forever. Of all the wrestling albums (and unfortunately there are several) this is the one that I am most embarassed to own. I have it hidden under my Carmen Electra rap CD for Pete's sake. You haven't lived until you've heard Hacksaw Duggan's "U.S.A." or Macho Man Savage's "Speaking from the Heart" ("I am your friend, I am the Macho Man Randy Savage"-- sadly, that was from memory). I remember hearing Bret Hart's ballad "Never Been A Right Time To Say Goodbye" and I wanted to throw myself in front of a truck. All of a sudden Sanjaya and Fountain Girl don't seem so bad.

My favorite group, The Roots, are in town this week but I don't think I'll be going. I've seen them about four times over the past few years though so I kind of know the drill. The last time I went, which was at The Pageant also, it was phenominal. I tried to do a review of the concert afterwards and I couldn't even do it because there was absolutely zero that was funny; it was all business. There's just not much humor in brothers going for delf on "The Seed 2.0" and "Silent Treatment". So far, the summer concert lineup isn't looking too good. I thought about seeing The Police, but they are overpriced. Christina and those tramps The Pussycat Dolls skipped St. Louis. I think John Mayer is coming to Riverport (or whatever it's called this week) and there is about no chance I'm going to see that. Or anything at Riverport for that matter. I can't imagine going to see Sanjaya and the American Idols this year either. Maybe The Go-Gos or Men At Work can show up and salvage the summer.

Back with Idol talk, Dancing with the Stars, WrestleMania hype and more later this week.

Random Thoughts During American Idol

It's Diana Ross week. I remember when I was little, my sister had a Diana Ross doll. Had she kept it in the box and not cut off all the hair, she could probably retire now. But anyway, I was never the biggest Diana Ross fan; I always found the songs kind of bland. We'll see how the contestants fare with the material. After clips of Diana's career they showed her working with the contestants. I can't remember if she is currently crazy or not.

First up was Token Black Guy. His version of Phil Collins', er, Diana's "You Can't Hurry Love" was just aiiight. The panel let him have it. TBG's father looked on from the audience. Simon might want to watch it because I bet that brother has a razor taped to the bottom of his shoe. Next up was my pick to win it, The Career Backup Singer. Oh, but first, it's Ryan and Simon's first homophobic exchange of the season! And what's odd is that they are both flaming. Back to the singing, Melinda nailed one of the songs from The Wiz. Everyone loved it. Paula was in tears. Simon compared her to Gladys Knight. Damn. Wild Hair Guy had to follow that. The people seem to like him. He is kinda doing a light shuffle, not quite a tap dance, on my nerves. He did a revamped "Endless Love". It was nothing I would ever want to hear again. Simon said he murdered it. I kind of miss Antonella. Not that it was relevant to Wild Hair's performance, I was just saying.

After the break, it's Gina The Great White Female Hope. She was very average. You may join Token Black Guy in the bottom two thus far. Next, it's Sanjaya. I read on Entertainment Weekly's website that she wanted to sing "Are You Gonna Be My Girl?" but it couldn't be cleared. Good move, Jet. She hit the stage and absolutely wrecked "Ain't No Mountain High Enough". I would rather be whupped than to hear that again. Yes, "whupped" with a "u". Once again, you can tell when someone is really bad this season when they keep cutting to the background singers. I bet Gina and Brandon were backstage high-fiving each other.

Haley, who had no business even making the top 12 of anything let alone American Idol, was next. BRUTAL. Even she knew it was bad. After the first two notes, even Sanjaya probably said "Thank the Lord; I'm staying". In a very high pitched voice. Randy and Paula dissed Haley but Simon actually said she had good stage presence. What the hell was he watching? He said she wasn't that bad. I spent the next few minutes trying to figure out his ulterior motive. Did I just see Jennifer Love Hewitt in an underwear commercial? Now this is where I hoped her career would start going.

The Bald Guy Who Left His Wife When She Was About To Give Birth To Go Audition For A Reality Show was next. He did an old Marvin Gaye/Diana song. To me, it was just kind of there. Of course, that was good enough to get through to the next round on this night. Next up was the other star of the show Lakisha. She brilliantly skirted around the whole Diana Ross Night by choosing "God Bless The Child", a Billie Holliday song that was sung by Diana in "Lady Sings The Blues". Of course she nailed it. As much as her and Melinda are head and shoulders above the rest, there is NO WAY they will be in the final two. I can see it coming.

Hey, it's the Human Beatbox. He likes James Taylor, Michael Jackson and Prince. He wanted to make the Diana Ross song his own. He took it home and slowed the song down on his computer. Rich boy. He did "Keep Me Hanging On". It was 80's and lame. Watch and see if this clown isn't in the top two at the finale show. Next was Stephanie, who did "Love Hangover" but didn't do the disco part. I know there are only about two minutes to do the song, but damn. It was okay though. I hope she doesn't get cut. She was followed by Timberlake Wannabe. I don't even know what song it was that he butchered. It was forgettable. Simon said he would change the channel if he heard it on the radio. Paula was previously dancing to it in the aisle. Can they please strap this woman in her seat? Seventeen year old Jordin finished the show. I feel kind of like a pervert watching her. She is currently number three on the Hollywood American Idol Depth Chart. She didn't mess up, which was quite good enough on this evening. Randy said she made it a three girl race. I don't know about all that but she's hot. Even Simon liked it. If there is justice, Sanjaya and his hair will be going home.

24

It was great to see Ricky Schroeder on 24 last night. I used to love Silver Spoons! They messed up though by not having him come riding out on a miniature train. That would have been great. Then when someone at CTU asked him what his name was, he could have pointed to them and said "The Ricker". He should have also had on a gray Member's Only jacket and some parachute pants. It would have been phenominal. I guess now they will find out the reason that Ricky's goofy dad was so rich was because he was making money with the terrorists. Maybe they can bring back Erin Gray too; she was pretty hot for 1982. Stabbings and Ricky Schroeder: things are looking up for 24!

Weekend Wrap-Up

It has been reported that Salma Hayek (top) is not only pregnant but she is also engaged. Um, this won't exactly do wonders for our relationship. See, if she would have just been patient, I was only a couple of years away from asking her if she wanted to go out for a snow cone or something. But there's only so much I'm going to put up with. Do you know that I even actually sat through one of her movies one time? Well, actually that might have been Penelope Cruz now that I think about it, but still. According to zap2it.com, her fiance's name is Francois-Henri Pinault and he is "the CEO of PPR, a luxury goods firm that owns Gucci, Yves Saint Laurent, Stella McCartney, Balenciaga, a french department store and national music chain". Aw, c'mon man! Now how am I supposed to compete with that? And how in the world does someone own Stella McCartney? Salma, consider yourself kicked to the curb!

WWE Diva Ashley Massaro will be on the cover of the April edition of Playboy, which would be a bigger deal if 1) anybody knew who she was and 2) if she hadn't already posed for them a couple of years ago under a different name. She has recently done autograph signings in different cities, including the one in the second photo above, where someone was thoughtful enough to bring their kid along-- to a Playboy signing. Ladies and Gentlemen, once again, I present to you: Wrestling Fans!!!

I guess everyone is happy now that this year's bad guy, Antonella Barba, was voted off American Idol. I will miss the controversy, but she was so bad that she had to go. Maybe now she can go on a national tour, posing in different fountains around the country. Can you imagine: "Antonella Barba appearing live in the Kiener Plaza Fountain in downtown St. Louis Friday evening at 7PM!" They would have to shut the streets down. She can forget about a singing career though. She might as well take that offer from Girls Gone Wild while it is still on the table. As it is, the girl is only two years away from appearing in Barely Legal Magazine and doing porn with real lighting. You better grab that cash now!

(As I am writing this, I am listening to Wrestling Observer Live. A guy just called in to ask "When was the last time someone wrestled an animal?". I present to you once again: Wrestling Fans!)

The "Big Cat" Ernie Ladd passed away this weekend. After he finished playing in the NFL, he also had a successful career in wrestling. He was a little bit before my time so I never got to see him wrestle except for a few old clips, but I always read about him. He was one of the first blacks to work behind the scenes in the front office of a wrestling company, first for Mid-South Wrestling (my favorite league as a kid) and then for the World Wrestling Federation. He is also a member of the WWE Hall of Fame. He died at the age of 68 from cancer. It almost seems like a rarity when a wrestler makes it over the age of 50.

As I posted earlier, wrestler Bad News Brown also died last week. He was also a judo champion and was known as a legitimate tough guy. He was involved in one of the legendary stories of wrestling that I've heard a few times. As the story goes, the wrestlers were overseas somewhere and traveling on a tour bus. Andre The Giant (one of the biggest and strongest wrestlers who nobody would mess with in those days) was telling some racial jokes and Brown took offense to it and was ready to fight. He told the bus driver to stop the bus and challenged Andre to get off the bus and fight him. Andre wanted no part of it and wouldn't get out. He ended up apologizing. Brown later said something to the effect of he didn't know if he could beat up Andre, but he was going to find out. The funniest part of the story was that when Brown was preparing to fight, he took off the earrings that he often wore and reached to put them in his gym bag. When he reached into the bag, Hulk Hogan's scary ass thought Brown was reaching for a gun so he jumped and hid under a seat.

Allen Coage a.k.a. Bad News Brown, 1943-2007

From pwtorch.com:

Bad News Allen (Coage), who wrestled in the WWF in the late 1980s as Bad News Brown, died (Tuesday) morning of a heart attack. He was 63. He earned his rep as a good worker and excellent heel in Japan and Calgary Stampede Wrestling before his WWF stint. In the WWF, he feuded with Bret Hart and Hulk Hogan in headline matches. He did not wrestle in recent years. In the 1970s, he became the first American to win a medal in judo at the Summer Olympics, which were held in Japan at that time. Funeral arrangements are pending and services expected to take place next week.

Idol Thoughts

If we could only move Paula off of this show and on to something more fun-- like HBO's The Cathouse. Anyway, it was more of the same this week. The top spot for the guys is there for the taking, yet no one has stepped up with a really blow-away performance. This week's pre-performance gimmick was finding out what the contestant's secret talents were, which led to countless minutes of lame comedy. For instance, The Beatbox guy lost cool points for revealing that he makes up different characters. Can you imagine a grown man sitting around inventing a different persona and name for himself? Oh. Yeah, that's right-- nothing wrong with that! The judges liked his song, but Hollywood, I mean, I didn't really care for it. And still he was just about the best of the night. Sonjaya became the first contestant to actually out himself on a live show between him doing the hula dance and his soft rendition of a John Mayer song. This guy makes Clay Aiken look like Scott Steiner. Sundance's crying ass should be sent home after that horrible performance of Pearl Jam's "Jeremy". Everyone else was bland. I fell asleep on the last two guys, but I will assume they were average too.

The girl's night was more exciting as usual. Jordin perhaps jinxed herself by wearing a jersey of perennial losers, the Arizona Cardinals in her Secret Talents video. "Hearbreaker" was a good change of pace for her, but I never want to her Pat Benatar again. The star of the show and future Showtime After Hours star Antonella was up early; I thought they would save her for last for ratings. Her secret talent was writhing around in memorial fountains. Her performance was serviceable. I'm sure she'll advance another week. I'm glad Simon at least acknowledged the controversy. We're all adults, let's not pretend it didn't happen. Haley did a lackluster country song and Simon said he didn't even know her name. Had I not checked the American Idol website, I wouldn't either. Once again, it was between Lakisha and Melinda for the top spot. You just know they won't be the final two. Enjoy it while it lasts. I have to go with Melinda again this week, just by a fraction. It really will come down to which of them performs last. Can't wait for tonight to see four more cut and to sleep through Carrie Underwood. Maybe the big announcement is that they are bringing back Frenchie. And William Hung.

This Ain't Exactly The March on Washington

According to several reports, there will be a protest against American Idol tonight outside of the Kodak Theatre in Los Angeles. They are protesting the fact that Antonella Barba (above) got to stay on the show when racy photos of her rolling around in a World War II fountain appeared, but former contestant Frenchie Davis was booted a couple of years ago when photos of her from a porn site surfaced (Frenchie is black and Antonella I believe is 1/3 Italian, 1/3 white, and 1/3 New Jersey Skank). The protest is being led by the same guy who organized a protest against Eddie Murphy's film Norbit, because he said it contained a negative portrayal of black women. What a rousing success that was as Norbit went on to become the number one movie in America two weeks in a row (although it surely sucked). Glad to see that more pressing issues such as unemployment, education, homelessness and Jermaine Jackson's unexplainable hair have been pushed aside so that we can concentrate on the important matters at hand-- like protesting a karaoke contest. Good work!

Weekend Wrap-Up

On Friday night, I caught a bit of the NAACP Image Awards on Fox. In perhaps the bonehead move of the year, this organization actually gave an IMAGE AWARD to Isiah Washington! (It was for Best Actor in a Drama). Yes, that Isiah Washington, the guy best known for using a slur against another minority group. What, Tim Hardaway wasn't available? And I don't want to hear them crying next year when the Emmys present Michael Richards with a humanitarian award. You know who should feel really bad? The people in the same category who got nominated for an IMAGE award and lost to Isiah Washington! I mean, damn, did they throw their grandmother down the stairs or something? Just idiotic all around. Who were the dummies that actually filled out ballots and said to themselves "Now, which of these guys projects the most positive image of the black community? Hey, how about that Isiah Washington!" Was there just no one else it could have gone to? Flavor Flav? 50 Cent? A dog? To make matters worse, except for the lifetime achievement winners, most of the winners got their speeches cut off by music after about 20 seconds. Even Forrest Whittaker, that guy who won some big award last Sunday, got cut off. It was unreal. Also, they had a 15 minute segment to give a humanitarian award to-- Bono of U2! Don't get me wrong, I've been down with U2 since the early 80's and Bono surely deserves it because he goes out and gets involved to make a change, but it was just weird ending the NAACP show with a long segment dedicated to an Irish guy. He did give a great speech, hit on Tyra Banks and one of the models, and had everyone on their feet by the end. Prince was great also, as he accepted an award and then talked about how lawyers and accountants ruined the music industry. It was fanastic.

On Monday's edition of WWE Raw, Donald Trump did indeed select Bobby Lashley (pictured above, top) to represent him in the hair vs. hair match against WWE owner Vince McMahon (represented by Umaga) at WrestleMania 23 on April 1st. In a radio interview on the Don Imus Show, Trump referred to Lashley as "Lindsey" and described him as "a large black gentleman". Wow. It's 1952. "Large black gentleman" just sounds like he's about to lift a car by himself or do some sharecropping.

I saw two disturbing segments of the Tyra Banks Show this week: On one clip, her audience had on swimsuits with their weight written on them and she was going out and encouraging them to do crazy things like going into the frozen food aisle at the grocery store and tell strangers their weight. Bad idea. In the other clip, she fondled American Idol runner-up Katharine McPhee's boobs to see if they were real. Tyra said they were "jiggly and soft". Imagine that! Tyra is off the chain. Just another step closer to reaching her goal of being known as "The Crazy Oprah".

And before it's too late, by unanimous decision, Hollywood Nation has voted Jennifer Love Hewitt as the best dressed at this year's Oscars (picture #3 above). I have no idea if that was even really taken at the Oscars; it could have been taken at the Hardee's on Lilac Street for all I care. They need to get her booked on the Tyra Banks Show, pronto. Holla!

Idol Results

There's something really different about Kellie Pickler from when she appeared on American Idol last season. The singing voice? Not really. Her wardrobe? I don't think that's it. The hefty boob job? Hmmm, maybe that's it. She was almost tolerable there for a second. Someone asked about her hairstyle; I didn't even realize that she had a head until about two minutes in. Of course the annoying voice is still there, along with the "I'm like a hick version of Jessica Simpson" act. The scripted spiders and sushi lines with Ryan Seacrest were unbearable. I can't wait for her sitcom. I wonder if her Dad is out of jail yet.

As for the show, there was only one real surprise cut: AJ. I guess he just got lost in the shuffle. I thought his goodbye performance was better than anybody's performance on Tuesday's show. I felt bad for all of the people who got cut, especially the girls, since they seemed so crushed. They shouldn't make people go out and sing right after their dream has been smashed. I imagine that might be a bit difficult. Poor Pizza Girl. Sure she was bad, but Antonella should have gone before her. I'm sure they'll keep her on for awhile because every show needs a good villian (this show is as fixed as wrestling). How in the world did Sanjaya survive? I thought he was about to cry. As it was, he did pout very hard. And, oh, has Sundance stopped crying yet? Well, we're down to 16. I hope next week will be a good theme week like Ike Turner Week or something.

Idol Thoughts

Who was the fool that put the season premiere of America's Top Model up against American Idol: Girls Night? Since I didn't get to see much of Tyra's show, at least now I can look at her on this post. By the way, she is becoming a notch more insane with each passing sweeps period. I knew that talk show would drive her over the edge. Anyway...

I guess the big story is that Antonella Barba was not booted after racy photos of her appeared on the internet last week. On Tuesday, a friend of hers came forward and said that the first set of photos that appeared were Antonella but the more explicit photos that showed up later were not her. So let me get this straight: the lighthearted photos of her taking a dump (although honestly, it was very tastefully done), rolling around in a public fountain and wearing a slutty witch costume were definately her. Thanks for clearing that up. See, she's just a misunderstood, little shy girl from New Jersey! I can't believe you people jumped to conclusions.

The Guys did better this week, but once again, no one just ovewhelmed me. Nick was okay with "Fever" but fell apart at the end. The curly haired guy was aiight. The Timberlake Wannabe is all over my nerves. The guy who sang "Let's Get It On" is going to be the next guy to appear on 20/20 describing what Paula Abdul's living room looks like. I can't stand when Paula stands up and dances to a song. Sanjaya was atrocious. Plus he was so soft that he should have performed with the rest of the girls on Wednesday.

And speaking of girls, they were better once again. I thought that they finished in about the same order as they did last week, except I thought Melinda the Career Backup Singer topped Latisha this week. There were a lot of fashion disasters this week, from Latisha's short skirt to Internet Queen's 60's dress to Leslie's bag lady look (what, no hooker boots this week?). Leave it to the Internet Queen to be the first to pull the "You Were Wrong About Jennifer Hudson" card. Simon was ready with his prepared answer that he had been getting together since November. She's awful. I'm tired of looking at Gina. Poor Pizza Girl was so awful that she immediately got the "But you look great" speech right off the bat. I liked Stephanie's inspirational story of how her parents pretty much forced her to audition for the show. You could tell her Dad was counting the money and getting fitted for an Admiral suit already. Some broad actually busted out Whitney's "Queen of the Night" from The Bodyguard. Just brutal. Here are my picks for who should go packing tonight:

1. The Queen of the Night
2. The Queen of the Internet
3. Queen Sanjaya
4. The hideous shirt that Randy wore on Wednesday.