Yo, I Tell Ya What I Want, What I Really, Really Want

According to Perezhilton.com, Scary Spice's publicist told a newspaper that Scary would be participating in the next season of Dancing With The Stars. FANTASTIC! I just hope it's true. I can't wait to see her out there dancing in the giant high heels as Baby, Posh, Ginger, Sporty, and Norbit cheer her on from the audience. This is going to be the best season since they had that wrestling broad on!

That's...Not So Hot

Even though Paris Hilton went to jail yesterday, that wasn't her most humiliating moment of the weekend. Check out this clip from Sunday's MTV Movie Awards where Sarah Silverman just cracks on the poor girl-- who was sitting in the audience and had to take it. Damn, even I almost felt bad for her. Almost.

Paris Starts Her Soft Bid

According to tmz.com, Paris Hilton surrendered to the L.A. County Sherriff overnight to begin her 23 day sentence behind bars. Oh yes! This yamp is finally off the streets! Living in a five by seven! Three hots and a cot! The prison handshake! Bribing the screws! Using pictures from King Magazine as currency! The jail pose! All the mashed potatoes she can eat! Collect calls! Orange jumpsuits! Lifting weights in the yard! Phone checks, homie! I will rest just a little bit easier tonight knowing that this menace is off the streets.

Hollywood's Hottest, #5-#1

And here is part two of Hollywood's Hot Ten vs. Maxim Magazine's Hot 100:

#5: Tyra Banks (Crazy Talk Show Host, Actress, Model)

Crazy as ever and STILL in the top five! Amazing. She's still the only reason to watch America's Next Top Model. Well, her and that crazy black guy who dresses like a circus clown.

#4: Christy Hemme (Dreamy Wrestling Manager, Model)

I met her at the Total Nonstop Action Wrestling fanfest earlier this year and as I got about ten feet away, the only word that came to my mind at the time was "GODDAMN". Quite a caboose on this one.

#3: Vida Guerra (Model, Actress, Very Hot Aspiring Rap Artist)

Try finding a "safe for work" picture of this broad! This was the best I could do. The only person on this list who built an entire career around having a behind that was shaped like a perfect crescent moon.

#2: Kristal Marshall (Backstage Interviewer Who Is Setting Up Teddy Long for a Big Fall on WWE Friday Night Smackdown)

If she told me that I had to give up pizza to be with her, well, I'd at least entertain the thought. Now that's serious business.

And #1...

MARIAH!!!
Classic. It's going to take a minor miracle to move her from the top spot.

Hollywood's Hottest, #6-#10

I finally got around to making my rebuttal to Maxim Magazine's botched Hottest 100 Women in the World list. And since I'm not about to list 100 women, I have narrowed the list to the ten finest. You will notice that the list is heavily split between women of wrestling and women that have been on my list forever. Here is 6-10, since Blogspot will only allow five pictures per post:

#10: Leticia Cline: Model, Backstage Interviewer for TNA Impact

Leticia does backstage interviews on Spike TV's TNA Impact wrestling show. We have come a long way in this society. Remember in the late 80's when female reporters were finally allowed in NFL locker rooms? Then one of the New England Patriots walked around naked and invited the reporter to "step up to the mic"? Honestly, even that reporter has to look back and laugh at that one. Granted, that has nothing to do with this list, but still, it was funny. Now where was I? Oh yes...

#9: Kim Kardashian: Socialite, Tramp

Although I don't believe that she has been involved in any entertainment venture outside of an almost released sex-tape, she made the list anyway. Her dad was part of O.J.'s Dream Team legal defense team. She has dated Ray-J, Nick Cannon and allegdley is currently dating Reggie Bush of the New Orleans Saints. The girl is surrounded by more black guys than Dave Matthews.

#8: Gail Kim: Wrestler

Female wrestlers have come a long way since the days of The Fabulous Moolah. She's probably the best reason to watch Total Nonstop Action Wrestling on Spike TV. Oh, and also that guy who imitates "Macho Man" Randy Savage. Now that guy is funny!

#7: Halle Berry: Actress, Oscar Winner, Catwoman

I haven't really seen one of her projects since, hmmmm, the early 90's or so, but her performance in Boomerang was so strong that it still carries her to #7 on this list.

#6: Beyonce: Singer, Actress

Mixed year: First she starred in a movie, but lost the spotlight to an American Idol runner-up. Also, I still haven't viewed her new video with Shakira. Still, there is no shame in finishing number six. Look at what it did for Jennifer Hudson!

HALF!

People.com is reporting that former WWF Champion The Rock and his wife are separating. They issued the following statement:

"While certain aspects of our relationship have changed, we are both vitally important to each other's lives. We will continue to advance and manage our business interests, our philanthropic efforts, and most importantly, the raising of our child together as a loving team. We've been fortunate enough to spend the last 17 years together as a couple and look forward to spending the rest of our lives together as best friends and business partners."

In other words: "I'm takin' half his shit!" This brother is about to go belly up. She was with him 17 years AND they have a five year old? This dude is going to be cutting lawns on weekends. I fully expect to see him back on wrestling on Monday. Jobbing. It's back to square one. I feel really bad that... wait a minute, I wonder if she needs a new man? A good man that will never cheat on her. A good man that has a job with benefits (health, vision and dental) and a blog. While I never won the title, I do own a replica belt. The broad is already the CEO of a wealth management firm PLUS she is about to take half of his Scorpion King and Classic Superstars action figure money-- what a catch! We could take his "Do You Smell What The Rock Is Cooking?" t-shirt money to ship the kid off to boarding school in Switzerland for 14 years, so we could have a little quality time alone. Somebody get me a bus ticket to Miami.

Is This Still On?

I received word from my good friend Mrs. Johnson that The Simple Life, the reality show starring Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, was still on the air on the E! Network. As fate would have it, a repeat of the season premiere was on as I was flipping channels yestereday, so I stopped and watched. This season deals with the girls becoming camp counselors. The show started with a recap of last season, when the girls still hated each other, thus participated seperately. Apparently at the end of the season, they were tricked (what mastermind was able to get one over on those two geniuses?) and ended up in the same place. They still couldn't get along though.

Cut to this season. Paris was informed by her mother that it was Nicole's birthday and suggested that Paris give her a call. They cut to Nicole gossiping with some other broad and answering Paris' call ("is this really you?"). Paris wished Nicole a happy birthday and said that she missed her and wanted her back in her life. Oh, man. If they were getting it on, I might have actually stayed with it.

The whole problem though was that all of this was so contrived and you could clearly see that it was scripted and that they were acting. It was like one of those backstage skits on WWE Raw where the wrestlers behave like no one actually does in really life, meanwhile they are oblivious to the fact that there is a big camera right there broadcasting everything they say to millions. Also, the episode of Good Times where Thelma was going to marry Larry the mechanic was on, and I wasn't about to miss that. So yeah, I gave up on The Surreal Life after about five minutes. However, I do plan to try to catch it again and stick with it, just so I can see what these young tramps are up to now. Stay tuned.