Weekend Round-Up

The magazine that brought us Vida Guerra is no more. According to the latest FHM Magazine which arrived in my mailbox on Friday, the publication is going out of business with the current issue. Everyone from Janet Jackson to Mariah Carey to WWE's Torrie Wilson appeared on the cover at one time or another. Where am I going to turn now for juvenile jokes, fashion tips, reviews and young tramps in bikinis trying to catch a break? Oh yeah, Maxim, Stuff, King, Blender, and The Show. I would like to leave FHM with these final words: Where the hell is my refund for the check I just sent last month? They knew they were going out of business last month! For that matter, they probably knew they were going out of business last year! They best come off of my skrilla... Did you happen to see the swimsuit contest on Friday's edition of WWE Smackdown, featuring My Favorite Woman of All-Time, Kristal (pictured above)? Dear Lord. I was on the phone at the time with my friend Upgrade, who tried to find even one flaw with her, but was unsuccessful. If I may steal the words of the great Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, comparing her to Paris Hilton would be like comparing ice cream to horse manure... The producer of American Idol issued a statement last weeking saying that he never contacted Courtney Love to ask if she would like to be a judge on American Idol. Maybe Courtney had a dream and thought that it really did happen... Olivia Newton-John was on national TV twice last week-- is this 1978?... An episode of Good Times aired last week with a really young Gary Coleman as a guest star. He totally stole the show. He played a brat who was mad that he had to wear a sheep costume in a school play. Then he dropped this gem: "It took us 300 years to get out of cotton-- now here they go puttin' us right back in it!"... Late minute Super Bowl prediction: Bears win it. Refridgerator Perry comes out of the stands and scores a last minute game winning TD. I just hope that Prince doesn't wear those ass-less pants.