On Friday morning, I headed to the Family Arena in scenic St. Charles, Missouri to buy tickets for the live Total Nonstop Action Wrestling event, Lockdown, coming to town on April 15th. The event will be seen nationally on pay-per-view. Here is the rundown of my morning at the ticket office:
9:05: I arrived right around my goal time of 9:00 AM. The box office opened at 10:00 AM, so I had about an hour wait. It was about 10 degrees outside. I'm bad at estimating, but I would say there were about 100 people in front of me. I was out there looking like the black Where's Waldo.
9:10: The cold was almost unbearable. My hands and feet were frozen almost immediately. Then to add salt into a very cold wound, I was right next to the 105.7 The Point van, which was blaring some very loud and awful heavy metal music right into my ear. Combine the loud music with the prevelant stench of cheap cologne and unemployment in the air, and this was slowly becoming a one hour endurance test.
9:15: I was frozen solid. I had the look on my face that Mario Lopez had whenever they would critique him on Dancing with the Stars.
9:16: Even though I think it's actually impossible to occur, I think my entire face was ashy.
9:20: I saw a guy in the crowd wearing an "I like girls who like girls" sweatshirt. I might add, this was in public. For some reason, his life experiences had led him to believe that this was socially acceptable. Did he have issues with his grill? Do you really have to ask? I would imagine he has never actually seen a tax form in his life.
9:25: It was like being in Antarctica. A representative in a 105.7 The Point t-shirt came around handing out station bumper stickers. It was so cold that I couldn't even mouth the simple words "fuck off", so I just feebily extended my hand with thumb and forefinger together and he put it in there.
9:30: Scanning the crowd I noticed a couple of people in blankets. One had on a NASCAR blanket (a given) and the other had on a blanket with the Confederate flag. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you: Wrestling Fans!
10:00: The box office finally opened. At that point the line progressed at about a rate of five minutes for every one person. Luckily there were three windows open.
10:15: Some fool bought his tickets, then jumped in the air and proclaimed "I'm going to Lockdown!" and walked away. Then they handed him his wallet which had been left behind. Dumbass.
10:30: I finally made my transaction. I got six tickets. I headed inside to thaw out and to get in line to meet NWA World Heavyweight Champion "Instant Classic" Christian Cage (pictured above), TNA Knockout and former Playboy model Christy Hemme (the only woman that I've ever described as "dreamy") and blue chipper "Showtime" Eric Young. I saw a friend that I've known since high school and we chatted for awhile. Some guy around us asked what message we thought he should have Christy write to his brother who had been in prison for seven years. Only in a wrestling line do you meet people of this caliber. I had no idea what to say. Perhaps "Don't drop the soap" would be appropriate.
10:50: I finally got to the front of the line about twenty minutes later. They couldn't have been nicer. Christian just seemed like a friendly guy instead of the guy bashing people over the head with chairs every week. He signed my replica NWA World title belt. When I got to Christy and reached into my bag, she said "Uh oh" as if I was about to pull out her lost porno from tenth grade or something. It was only a calender though. Her hair was really red. She had on a long winter coat covering most of the good parts. Eric Young was really nice also. All good representitives of the company. They chose good people.
I headed home and squandered the rest of the day. I'll be back in St. Charles on April 15th.
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