OMG. Last night's season three premiere of WWE's rookie-in-training show, NXT, was Trainwreck TV at its finest. Take six barely trained wrestlers, er, sports entertainers fresh out of the WWE Florida development system, put them on national TV to participate in skits and have horrible wrestling matches and hijinx galore ensue. It was fascinating to watch between the dreadful interviews, announcers making fools of themselves, and more botched moves than a
Candice Michelle vs. Lacey Von Erich blindfold match. For the record, I'm going with Naomi to win this thing (hardly going out on a limb seeing as how she won three competitions already). With only six contestants, I have no idea how they are going to drag this thing out for three months. Hell, they barely made it an hour. But if they can make it through the season and create one new star and go without some poor broad getting injured on live TV, the season will be a success.
I seem to watch this show every other season, so I decided to catch last night's season premiere of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. As usual, this show is best watched with the sound down, but in the best interest of this review, I decided to listen in. This episode's main plot was that Kim was moving into her new mansion. MANSION! This broad done built an empire off of having a big ass! You have to give her credit though for working this thing to this level. Anyway, although she didn't want people touching anything in the house, her increasingly annoying mother decided to hold a housewarming party there. It ended in an embarrassing food fight. There was frosting all over the floor and her mother, who apparantly has never cleaned before, said that everyone should grab a broom.
The subplot involved Khloe not letting Kourtney's tool of a babydaddy in her house. I don't blame her; you can't help but hate this guy. At the end, Kourtney moved out of Khloe's house and into Kim's. This show raised three questions: 1) Why can't she get her own place?, 2) why on earth is she still with this guy with zero redeeming qualities?, and 3) how is this thing still on the air? I'll try to watch this again next week. Hopefully more ass and less talk.
I went and saw The Expendables yesterday, which is projected to be the number one movie in the country this weekend. I mostly went to support Stone Cold. Here's what I can tell you about it:
1) Being black, I missed the first five minutes 2) There was a lot of shooting
Wow, I didn't think she would actually be put behind bars but as you can see above, Lindsay Lohan is rocking the orange jumpsuit. Sitting in a 5x7. Three hots and a cot. Making a shank out of a toothbrush. Having mashed potatoes for breakfast. Walking into rooms and saying "what you looking at? You don't know me, potna!" Being traded for cigarettes. Using Maxim magazine as currency. Sad times. What do the rest of the Mean Girls think? I hate to think of sweet little Lacey Chabert coming in on visiting day and giving the prison handshake. Maybe Herbie will visit and bring her a cake with a file in it.
Mariah Carey has her Lambs, Jimmy Buffet has his Parrotheads, Chris Jericho has the Jericholics, Shannon Moore has the Moorons and Lady Gaga has the Little Monsters. On Saturday night, about 20,000 or so of the Little Monsters converged on the Scottrade Center in St. Louis. Here is my report:
I got downtown around 7ish and searched for a parking spot. On the way in, all you saw was a constant stream of scantily clad women all headed to the arena, so it wasn't so bad being stuck in traffic for once. This also created such unique dilemmas as, "Do I concentrate on backing into this parking space OR do I concentrate on the woman with the World's Shortest Skirt?" Decisions. After I gawked then parked, I headed to the arena. It was a freakshow outside. It was reported that there was a protest outside but I didn't see it. I did see just about everything else under the sun though: Women wrapped in police tape, broads with their hair wrapped around soda cans, grown men in leopard pants, Gaga lookalikes, women wearing just balloons, a man in a flesh colored body stocking (he should have been protested), strippers, and even one guy in a dope Guns N Roses t-shirt (me). It was a circus.
After the opening act of Semi-Precious Weapons, the main event started about 8:45. Here are some notable moments not necessarily in this order (I'm old and forgetful):
- The show started with an awesome video on the giant video screen/curtain. The curtain opened to show a New York City street scene, including a big green car in the middle of the stage (which was later used as a piano). Lady Gaga evenutally emerged down the staircase (I believe the first song was "Just Dance") wearing a leotard with most of her ass out. The capacity crowd was on its feet and stayed there for most of the two hour show. It was during this portion of the show that you couldn't help but notice something. Yeah, it was pretty prominent. And I mean that in the most complimentary sense. I can't believe this wasn't the talk of the show. I know it was for me.
- There were several costume changes including the forementioned leotard, a nun outfit, a giant red cape that would have made Gene Simmons proud and an outfit that shot out sparks from strategic areas.
- During one part of the show, she kept asking the crowd "Do you think I'm sexy?" to which the crowd roared "yes!" each time. She then announced that she abuses this part of the show because she was a nerd in high school. This is the kind of stuff I would pull too.
- I believe this is the first production I have been to of any kind where the performer managed to fit in the phrases "Get your dicks out!" AND "Jesus loves everybody!"
- My favorite part of the show was when Gaga played her new and soon-to-be smash hit "You and I":
Uh, not that one, this one:
The fact that she did the song in a bikini and boots while playing a piano that was on fire only enhanced it.
- Text from Jeffrey Watkins during the show: "She's no dancer, but she tries." Pretty damn accurate.
- She did a gimmick during the show where uses her cell phone to call a Little Monster in the audience. The lady was overcome with joy and they had small talk across the arena. Gaga then received another call-- it was "Beyonce" (yeah, right), which led to their duet "Telephone".
- After an extended bit with her band and dancers, plus an appearance by a giant monster, she took the show home with a hyped performance of "Bad Romance". Overall, a great show with excellent visuals, costumes, dancing and singing. The crowd absolutely ate it up. One of the best shows that I've been to. (Although my favorite Gaga moment wasn't included-- check the 2:30 mark):
Well, that was awful. I caught the big ECW/TNA brawl on Thursday's Impact and it was a hot mess. What were they fighting over? Why would Al Snow and Simon Diamond turn against TNA? Does anyone even know who Al Snow and Simon Diamond are anymore? Why did all of these grown men stop fighting because some broad said so? This was dreadful. If they thought this would get fans excited, in the immortal words of Martin Lawrence, somebody done told you wrong:
"Now I'm a stop to see what you got/ Get off the mic before it get too hot/ I wanna see which posse can dance the best/ It should be easy 'cause the beat is fresh/ Now if your from uptown, Brookly-bound, The Bronx, Queens, or Long Island Sound/ Even other states come right and exact/It ain't where you from it's where you at/Since you came here, you have to show and prove/And do that dance until it don't move/'Cause all you need is soul self-esteem will release/The rest is up to you, Rakim will say peace"-- Eric B. and Rakim "I Know You Got Soul"
