SHOCKER: NEW WORLD CHAMPION!

At the WWE Smackdown Tapings last night in Pittsburgh, PA, The Undertaker defended the World Title against Batista in a cage match. The match ended with both men hitting the floor at the same time and a draw was declared. At that point Mark Henry, making an appearance in between injuries, hit the ring and destroyed Taker with a series of big splashes. Moments later, guess who took the opportunity to cash in his Money in the Bank title shot? EDGE. He beat the Undertaker in seconds to become the new World Champion. Taker was carried out by druids so he can recover from his bicep injury. The staff of Hollywood Nation would like to congratulate Mr. Edge on his brilliant and calculating victory and we hope that this reign lasts longer than the last one.

Random Thoughts During American Idol

The Final Four. It's Barry Gibb Night (above, center, looking like the Burger King Guy). I don't know if this is going to work. I give props to the Bee Gees but damn, that was like 30 years ago. I don't know if this is the best way to showcase the performers. Plus Barry looks kinda weird now.

Everyone will sing twice tonight. Melinda starts it off. I'm not familiar with the song. As usual, she did well but the song was forgettable. The judges didn't particularly care for it either. Blake was next with "You Should Be Dancing". He pulled out all the beatbox theatrics and they just didn't fit. It was totally lame. It was like someone was doing a parody of him on SNL. The judges panned it. I don't think he understood. Lakisha followed with "Stayin' Alive". Nice job, but it was just kind of awkward. The Bee Gees songs are hard for other people to sing. The judges disliked it as well.

Jordin ended the first round with another song that I failed to recognize. She hit it though. Randy said it had kind of an Aretha/Mariah vibe. Paula and Simon liked it as well. She was declared the frontrunner, thus far.

Melinda rebounded strongly with "How Can You Mend A Broken Heart?" She nailed it. Randy said she was back on track. Paula babbled endlessly. Simon thought the second half of the song put her into the semi-finals. That could be the kiss of death. Blake did "This Is Where I Came In", which I don't think even Barry Gibb had heard of. In a complete shocker, I didn't like it. If I can paraphrase Dave Chappelle, I wish I had four hands-- so I could give that song four thumbs down. As Randy pointed out, you don't have to beatbox on every song. Unless you happen to be a rapper from 1983. It appeared that Paula had been in the Hennessey again. Simon said that he had a bad night. Kind of an understatement.

Lakisha's second song was more of the same. Simon declared that she was on the chopping block. Jordin finished the show. Funny how that happened. She did well but the judges were lukewarm.

Tomorrow, Barry Gibb live and Blake or Lakisha get cut.

Weekend Wrap-Up

It is perhaps television's finest hour: Flavor of Love- Charm School. Last night's episode was phenominal. The girls were divided into two groups and had a formal "debate" (the topic was some nonsense about which side should be kicked off the show). The insults flew and the Cattiness-o-Meter was deep into the red. Even the host, Mo'nique, got in some broad's grill. After the debate, they made the mistake of letting the girls go to a bar, where of course they got drunk, grinded on some guys and nearly had a fight. Then someone unfortunately got voted off. According to the previews for next week, apparently someone got called (and I quote) a "white bitch". This show is like The Facts of Life on crack and extacy.

It was proceeded by Celebrity Fit Club, which is perhaps television's second greatest hour. They played clips of Screech from Saved by the Bell talking trash behind everyone's back. Cletus T. Judd discussed the possibility of whipping his ass, Da Brat insulted him some more, and Kimberley Locke just shredded him. She talked about his fake porn tape and how he tried to sell t-shirts to make his house payment. Then he walked off like a baby. He said his "true fans" would understand. Awwwww, I really don't think he knows. Kind of sad in a way. But not really. Also, 50 year old Marcia Brady almost beat Warren G in a boat race. Where else are you going to find humiliation like this?

I managed to clear out some time from my busy schedule to catch a showing of SpiderMan 3 this weekend. Some of the reviews were kind of negative, but I really liked it. Sure there was too much talking and crying throughout the movie, but there was enough action, humor and special effects to make up for it. I thought Eric from That 70's Show was pretty good. I halfway expected Donna to come down to the basement and start berating him for wearing the black suit. Also, when is Peter Parker going to give up on this Mary Jane gal and go after Ursula, the girl who lives across the hall? I have a feeling that he already is but they just aren't showing us. I'm sure there is going to be a part four, but they have seemingly used up all of the villians now. Maybe next time he can take on The Joker or King Kong Bundy.

It looks like we are one step closer to a reunion of my favorite 90's pop group, The Spice Girls. Last week, Posh Spice threw a huge birthday party for her husband, The Soccer Guy, and it was attended by Scary, Baby (who ironically is having a baby), and Ginger. No Sporty. Apparently they discussed getting back together and perhaps touring. It seem inevitable at this point. Can't wait for them to break out the Union Jack dresses and KISS sized high heels. Even though they surely won't be coming to the midwest, it's still exciting. Now if we could just get a Britney Spears reunion, everything would be grand.

That's Not Hot

After being unable to abide by the laws of American society, it appears that hotel heiress/reality star/skank Paris Hilton will be doing a soft bid. Yesterday Paris was sentenced to a 45 day stay at the Century Regional Detention Center in Los Angeles for driving with a suspended license. She is expected to report on June 5th.

According to forbes.com, here is what America's favorite hoochie can expect:

"Inmates get three low-sodium meals a day, with dinner the only hot meal. Beef and pork aren't permitted - it's all poultry-based... Hilton will be segregated from the general population for her own safety, living in a one- or two-person cell... Inmates in segregation are allowed outside their cells for at least an hour each day to shower, watch television in the day room, participate in outdoor recreation or talk on the telephone."

What an embarrassment. Hell, even Ice Cube has never been to jail. No one in my family (except for three or four instances) has even been to jail! She's such a loser. Sure she'll miss being pampered, making lame vanity records, partying and getting drunk most nights but she will be able to fill her time with new experiences like learning the prison handshake, making a shank out of a spoon and fighting other inmates over a piece of cardboard.

Idol/Dancing Results

On Idol, I knew Chris was going home, but I was a little surprised that Creepy Phil left too-- I thought it was going be Lakisha based on her botched Carrie Underwood song from last week. Phil genuinely looked like he was just happy to have survived that long. He went out with a good performance too. That leaves us with Beatbox Boy and the cast of Dreamgirls. So we finally learned the secret to how BB comes up with all of those arranagements-- he has some advanced computer equipment. Well who couldn't do that? If I had an 808 and an SP12 back in 1990, I could have made The Chronic. The funniest moment of the show was when it looked like Simon was going to throw a hissy fit when he thought that Ryan said that Paula was better looking than his girlfriend.

Also on Dancing with the Stars this week, Cliff from Cheers got cut, which wasn't so bad except that has foxy dancing partner Edyta (pictured up top and above) is leaving with him. This leaves Muhammed Ali's daughter and hoping to see the cast of 90210 with Steve Sanders again as the only reasons to watch the rest of the season.

Random Thoughts During American Idol

We're down to six. It's Bon Jovi night. I have a feeling that I am going to be reminded tonight of why I own exactly zero Bon Jovi records. First up is Phil with "Blaze of Glory". I thought he did really well. And true to form, he looked as creepy as ever. The judges liked it. When Jordin met Bon Jovi, she said that her Mom loved them. They had to be thrilled to hear that. She chose "Livin' On A Prayer". The song reminds me of every burnout in a blue jean jacket with a wool collar and dirty white Nikes back in high school. Jordin did okay with the song. She hilariously dwarfed both guitarists who played alongside her. The judges didn't care for it and Simon said it was terrrible. She should have cried.

Lakisha, who better step it up this week, was next. She did a Bon Jovi ballad that I had never heard of (imagine that). She nailed it perfectly. The judges raved over it and Simon even kissed her. She just may have saved herself. This was followed by a now black-haired Blake, who insisted on putting his own spin on "You Give Love A Bad Name". Jon Bon Jovi virtually begged him not to. The clown did it anyway. It was an annoying mix of average singing and imitation beatboxing. Of course the judges loved the "innovation". So I guess they will allow rappers to start auditioning for this next year, right?

Oh hells no! Was that Baby Spice in a commercial for spaghetti sauce? With Posh's soccer husband coming to the U.S. and Scary's baby momma drama with Eddie Murphy, that makes three of the Spice Girls back in the public eye. Time for Sporty and Ginger to step on up. I can just see the reunion coming.

After the commercial, it was time for Chris. Ryan called him "Justin Timberlake". Hey, I do that too! He did "Wanted Dead or Alive" and forgot the words in rehearsal, humiliating himself right in front of JBJ. He hit the stage and did a perfectly mediocre version of the song. I would say that he is gone this week. Melinda had the show closer. She did a new song called "Have A Nice Day". She just ripped it. Best performance of the night. The judges loved it as well. They closed out with a taped appearance from The President and the First Lady thanking the viewers for donating money last week. Such great comedy. Tonight Chris and somebody will be leaving plus live Bon Jovi. Should be fun.

Britney is back-- sort of. According to perezhilton.com, Britney did her first "comeback concert" in San Diego last night at the House of Blues. Her outfit was described as "a brunette wig with a black headband, sparkling bustier, fur coat, white skirt and knee-high boots". No word on if crack was involved. She went a whopping 15 minutes, lip synched the entire time and barely addressed the crowd. Baby, what was the point? I told my sister in Chicago that if Britney was coming to the House of Blues up there that I wanted to come up for it. Strangely enough, I heard a dial tone seconds later.

Gee, I wonder if Lindsay Lohan's rehab did any good? According to celebritybabylon.com, she showed up at a party in Palm Springs last weekend and within a half hour, had taken off her shirt and was dancing around in a bra (above). I might also add that Firecrotch is only 20 and hanging out in bars and clubs. I can only imagine what will happen when she has actual legal access to alcohol. Doesn't it seem that Mean Girls was like thirty years ago?

Dancing with the Stars

I only caught about ten minutes of Dancing with the Stars last night, but it was the right ten minutes. I tuned in just in time to catch Muhammed Ali's daughter followed by Edyta (who dances with Cliff from Cheers). Right after that was Steve Sanders from Beverly Hills 90210. After his dance, they cut to the audience and then was the moment that I've been waiting for since the season began-- old cast members from 90210 were there to cheer Steve on. I couldn't have been any happier. It was great to see Kelly, Brandon and Donna. As far as I know, none of these people are busy-- they should just go ahead and do a reunion series. I'm sure they welcome the opportunity. When was the last time Brenda or Dylan was on a TV show? And since she's been cut off from the family, even I have more money than Tori Spelling-- she'd jump at the chance. I better go write to my congressmen.