The Crazy Train Rolls On

Things just keep getting sadder/scarier for America's former number one pop star. According to tmz.com, Britney's "tell-all" interview with OK! Magazine was a complete fiasco:

"According to multiple sources, Britney's behavior during the interview was "nothing less than a meltdown." She was, according to our sources, "completely out of it" during the shoot. The photos are "so bad" we've learned, that to publish them could "kill her career." Apparently, Brit Brit's eyes rolled back in her head at one point, causing her to look half dead. Her mood, we're told, was extremely erratic. She took frequent bathroom breaks our source says, and each time she returned her mood would change. She was also completely paranoid during the entire interview, fearing at one point the ceiling was about to cave in on her."

That's just pathetic. I'm finally going to have to step in here. She obviously needs to get out of the spotlight for awhile. So I am officially inviting her to my summer home in Florissant this weekend for some shoot interviews, Cheetos, and a little WWE 24/7 so she can clear her mind and get back on track. Granted, I will keep her in a small cage, but it's for her own protection and mine as well. Sure I want to help, but I'm not trying to get stabbed by her crazy ass.

Uh Oh...

More Britney trouble. According to the New York Post:

"Now she's taken over as her own business manager and publicist. Though she's still signed to Jive Records, a source told Page Six, "She is doing all of her own business now." Our spy saw Spears at Aspen on West 22nd Street yesterday afternoon "signing contracts" - possibly related to the recent deal she inked to open a Las Vegas club. The messy mother of two recently cut ties with her manager Larry Rudolf, her mother, and her publicist."

Yeah, that sounds like a reasonable business decision. She probably signed over her entire fortune for a bag of magic beans or something. In addition, she allegedly exchanged slaps with her mother in an argument over the kids. When your life starts resembling old plots from WWE Raw, you know things have spiraled out of control.

Whatever You Do, Don't Look Down

Don't you just hate when they totally lose it?

According to the London Mirror, Madonna had the following bizarre demand for people who were going to interview her at the Live Earth concert last weekend:

"Presenters at the Live Earth concerts over the weekend were advised by Madonna's people to memorize all questions and to never lower ones eyes, "or the interview will be terminated," a source told The London Mirror."

What a nutcase. Don't lower your eyes? What? Why? Who cares? The first thing I would do is look her in the eye and ask her why she is using that annoying English accent when she is really from Detroit, Michigan. It would pretty much go downhill from there. Then out of spite, I would look down intentionally and be escorted out. I can only imagine what she is teaching that kid that she adopted from Africa. I'm sure he figured out she was nuts within the first five minutes.

Britney Apologizes

Pictured above is the opening (and only) page of Britney's official website. On occasion she makes nonsense posts on various topics. Yesterday she posted an apology to the photographers that she attacked with an umbrella during her Bald and Crazy phase. She blamed her behavior on preparing for a movie role (that she evenutally did not get). Yeah, like she really got another offer after Crossroads. Funniest of all, she spelled the word "role" as "roll". Twice. This is what happens when you don't have your PR doing all of your writing for you. (Note: the error has since been corrected).

Hot Mess

All aboard the Crazy Train. First of all, what is scarier than Britney getting behind the wheel of a car? At least she doesn't have the baby in her lap this time. I guess it was hot in L.A. so she pulled down her dress and decided to ride around town in a red bra (below).

Now granted, people might see something like this all the time in Festus, but for Pete's sake, this is L.A. and she used to be Britney Spears! This broad gets crazier by the SECOND.

I Hate To Say "I Told Ya So"...

To quote the great wrestler Arn Anderson: "I hate to toot my own horn, but TOOT TOOT!" I believe on these very pages I predicted that The Artist Known As Firecrotch was going to be doing some random crazy things shortly ala Britney's head shaving. Not that it took a genius to come to that conclusion. Above is a picture taken before Fire went into rehab last week. She is "playfully" holding a knife to the the throat of Entertainment Tonight's Vanessa Minnillo and damn near causing an unfortunate cigarette burn in the process. Sadly, we don't have a wide shot available to see the stream of piss forming on Vanessa's pants. Strangely, I don't remember ever playing around and holding knives to the throats of my own friends. Granted we don't usually sit around drinking whiskey straight out of the bottle either, so maybe that's it. Note to Lindsay's "friends"/freeloaders: keep the sharp objects away from this yamp! Thanks!

Off The Chain

Two of your girls got loose over the weekend. Paula Abdul's clumsy ass broke her nose. She claims that she lost her balance when she tried to avoid stepping on her dog. Yeah, that was probably it. Oh, and that fifth of Hen Dog that she drank for breakfast may have factored into it also.

And the nutcase pictured above apparently dipped into the sauce over the weekend as well. According to online reports, Britney fell off the wagon this weekend and was spotted drinking into the wee hours of the night. In addition, she did another one of her lame 15 minute lip synch "concerts" but this time the track skipped several times and the audience booed her. How in the world did it skip? Are these people still using vinyl albums? Somebody give this poor girl a CD or a cassette tape for Pete's sake. I swear, this broad is about four months away from performing at the DuQuoin State Fair next to the Fried Snickers bar stand.

Scary

Awww, this broad done flipped now. The above message is seen on the opening page of britneyspears.com. It's a message to her fans about how she is thankful for their support. Of course she is wearing nothing but a wig and white gloves and has an expression like the Miniature Killer on CSI. Does the girl even keep a stylist on retainer anymore? Does she even have management? K-Fed, come get those kids!