Quick Notes from the Grammys

Notes from last night's Grammy Awards:

- I've officially turned heel on Taylor Swift.  If I have to hear this broad whine about breaking up with someone just one more time...

- Rhianna and Chris Brown actually showed up together-- four years after the infamous fight.  That's what they call "balls".  What do you say when you run into them?  Awkward!

- "I'm getting the urge for a ham sandwich"-- texted to me by a friend during Miranda Lambert's performance.

- Oh the state of rap today...

- Maybe it's just me, but I could have sworn that "Stronger" song by Kelly Clarkson came out about eight years ago.

- Best Dressed: Katy Perry

- All of the Justin Timberlake stuff bordered on overkill.  The performance (which reeked of biting off Robin Thicke and Bruno Mars) was solid, but of course Kelly Rowland went overboard with her praise afterwards.  But hey, she was just happy to be on TV two weeks in a row.

- Best performance of the night was the Bob Marley tribute with Sting and Bruno Mars.

- Frank Ocean had a nice CD.  He just shouldn't be allowed to perform it live.

- Great end to the show with Chuck D and Uncle L.  They've still got it.

Thoughts From Last Night's American Music Awards

- Christina. Oh, Christina. You've got to stop selecting clothes from the "Genie In A Bottle" side of the closet. Those days are long gone. Face the facts that you've put on a little weight (hey, I like it!) and put on something a little less form fitting. For all of our sakes. It looked like you were coming onstage at the AVN Awards to accept the award for best three-way.

- Christina was the highlight of the show for me. She never fails to cause excitement at these shows. I was waiting for her to bust out of that dress like dough popping out of a can of biscuits. You just know Britney is sitting somewhere on her throne made of gold, with a tiara on her head, telling her minions "Look at this fat bitch!". She then took a bite from a Snicker bar and kept rewinding it.

- J-Lo and her ridiculous Fiat product placement was a close second. I guess she's grabbing all of the money while she can. Maybe her ex left her broke. His performance was painful to watch. He had more veins in his head than the Incredible Hulk.

- Also, when J-Lo is winning awards for music, doesn't that pretty much kill the credibility of the entire show?

- Justin Beiber looked like his outfit was made of aluminum siding. This paternity suit has clouded his judgement.

- It's like Katy Perry is testing our patience at this point. Her square pink hair is an indication that she is now surrounded by yes-men who will let her do anything she wants.

- I wanted to hate the LMFAO peformance at the end, but it was really fun. Especially with Beiber and The Hoff joining in.

(Photo from Getty Images)

AMAs on FF

I recorded the American Music Awards on the DVR and watched it on fast forward for the most part. It seemed pretty tame. Has the Taylor Swift backlash started yet? I seemed to fast forward just a little more when she was on. I stopped a bit for Rihanna, Katy Perry and Usher. The performance of the night (at least what I saw of it) was Christina Aguilera. I knew it wouldn't be too long before the clothes were off again. Good marketing. The show finale at the end was pretty funny with Backstreet and New Kids giving a preview of their upcoming tour. I guess next Color Me Badd and N'Sync will hit the road together.

And The Winner Is...

A big shout-out to Hollywood Nation's favorite graphic artist, Rich Witzofsky (of KSDK-TV here in St. Louis), for taking home another Emmy at Saturday's Mid-America Emmy Awards ceremony. He won in the category of "Graphic Arts – Graphics-Program/News". Glad to see someone who is truly deserving getting some props. KMOV won for best morning newscast and KDSK's Mike Bush won several awards. On the KSDK website, someone left the comment "Did KSDK win for Most Callous Treatment of Longtime Employee award?" It was not clear if that comment was directed at the callous departure of longtime weatherman John Fuller last week or the callous departure of about 30 other people that I can think of off the top of my head.

Thoughts on the BET Awards

- I missed most of the first hour because I was watching the new Family Feud. Al Roker made a fine host. Ice-T and his family were the most entertaining. Raven Symone was all growed up and wearing hooker boots (!). The Joan Rivers family prevailed as the winner. She now looks like that puppet that used to be on the Hollywood Squares.

- In between commercials I caught the phenominal Scary Spice, someone who used to be Lil' Kim, some awful award show banter, and Alicia Keys in a bad wig. Did my eyes deceive me or did I really see En Vogue? I only caught the tailend but I loved it. There were some audio issues with TLC. I'll have to catch the replay to see SWV. I feel all 1995-ish now.

- I saw Kanye West win an award, so at least we won't have to hear him whining about nothing now. Such a talented artist, but very tough to like.

- Lisa Lisa was brought out to present an award. I don't think I've heard from her since 1989. She's blown up a bit. How come they couldn't have had DeBarge and The Jets come out too?

- Solange Knowles (again, why? This broad is on every award show!), that moron Soldja Boy (however he spells it) and a few others encouraged people to register and vote. I wish Boy would register for a f***ing belt.

- The best part of the evening was Al Green getting the lifetime achievement award. In a package recapping his career they said that a life changing experience led him into gospel music ("life changing experience"= "hot grits"). Someone unearthed Maxwell to perform. Where has this brother been for the last ten years? Al took the stage for "Let's Stay Together" and "Love and Happiness" and the crowd went nuts. I was singing along at home. Good stuff.

- After a performance from Nelly and the WW from the Black Eyed Peas, followed by some foolisness by the increasingly annoying Puff Daddy, Alicia Keys won an award for best female performer. She's still with the fat guy! There really is hope.

- The show ended with a performance from the son of Flavor Flav and some filthy looking guy in Pampers. Honestly, as a rap fan who grew up with the likes of Gangstarr, A Tribe Called Quest, and Public Enemy, it's tough to get into Lil' Wayne and T-Pain. When I see Lil' Wayne perform I have the desire to 1) turn down the sound, 2) find him some suspenders or a belt and 3) hope that someone will scrub him down with a luffa for about nine hours. A sad ending to a somewhat decent show.