The show that brought us such things as The Soul Patrol, Claymates, She Bangs, Kelly Clarkson's ass, and sassy English men is back for another season. Yes, it's another season of the unstoppable American Idol. I don't have much to say except:- The first girl they showed (guest judge Jewel's "Number One Fan") was the show at its finest: delusional people who think they can sing but don't get a reality check until they are in front of the panel. I blame the girl's family. They knew she couldn't sing! Why subject her to this kind of humiliaton? Then she cried like her entire life was over. Did she really think she was going to win the thing? What are the odds? It's damn near impossible! Oh well, back to the makeup chair at the Mall of America.
- They can tell who is really trying to audition and who is just trying to be on TV. If someone walks in with a costume, skateboard, pogo stick, a beard, any kind of prop, or if they are Asian and want to sing any Ricky Martin song, then they shouldn't even be allowed in. It's not even funny at this point.
- This is a multi-million dollar operation. You would think they could fix a door.
- Oh Paula. Poor Paula. It looked like she had just come in from a weekend bender, they propped her up in the chair and told her to just repeat "yes or no" depending on what Randy or Jewel said. I don't believe she even said a complete sentence in the entire two hours. This is right on the heels of her doing the satellite interviews were she appeared to be high. The excuses were ridiculous: she was doing two interviews at the same time, she couldn't hear, she was on medication. Whatever. Just own it! You were at the bar the night before, some brother bought you a Cognac, and before you knew it you woke up not knowing what century it was! Everyone would have been fine with that. It's so sad. It's hard to believe that this woman was once on top of the world with "Vibeology".
- Gee, I can't imagine how the Shakira wannabe advanced. Was it the butchering of "Call Me"? The ten second imitation of "Hips Don't Lie"? Or was it based 99% on looks? Simon's eyes looked like two fried eggs when she walked in. I guess she did have a good backstory (no pun intended) though: "I came to this country with just my backpack, my teddy bear, a hellified rumpshaker and a dream". Even Fantasia and Kelly Clarkson were saying "Now that's a big ass!" She'll probably win at all. Not that I'm opposed to it.
-I guarantee that Paula doesn't remember any of this.
- The girl who was flown in by her boss messed up by picking "Tell Me Something Good", which is impossible to sing. She did much better on "Fever", even though it was creepy that she was singing it to her boss. I'm sure she'll be much more successful when he flies her in for the inevitable Playboy's Reality Show Rejects audition.
- Can't wait for tonight and the mutants of Seattle.
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