Tyra in People Magazine

I picked up the latest People magazine, which featured my girl Tyra Banks on the cover. She has put on a little weight since she retired from modeling. Right there on the cover, she just put it out there: she weighs 161 pounds-- and still looks great. I guess this was in response to the tabloids, who were probably showing her in unflattering photos on the beach or in the Hardee's line. This was probably her way of saying "Screw you! I look good and I've got two TV shows! And yes, I will have cheese on that!" Good for her.

I was switching last night between American Idol and the return of NBC's reality comedy series Dateline: To Catch A Predator. You can seperate the regular perverts from the top tier perverts by the phrase "he even sent a photo of his genitals". Over on Idol, Paula was as loopy as I had ever seen her. One guy did a Michael Jackson song almost perfectly and she was complaining that he was off key. She was acting stranger than usual. Halfway through the show she disappeared but I didn't hear if they offered an excuse as to why. I imagine she eventually succumed to the effects of her "soda", passed out and was actually under that table the entire time. She was so goofy that the rumors of her being replaced by Courtney Love even started to make sense. That's like a movie producer saying "Anna Nicole Smith is messed up, do you think we could get that Lindsay Lohan?" Ideally, they should scrap the entire panel and go with 1) Wayne Brady (he was a guest judge on Star Search a few years back and just did a phenominal job of mixing humor with good critiques), 2) my friend the Black Charmer (because he could possibly say anything at any time) and 3) WWE's Kristal Marshall (just because she is totally hot).

He's Going To WrestleMania!

Congratulations go out to the Undertaker, the winner of last night's WWE Royal Rumble. He threw the "Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels over the top rope for the victory. The win means that the Undertaker has earned a shot at the WWE Title at WrestleMania 23, where he will likely face the champ Batista in a two-star match that will take place while I am out getting a refill on corn chips.

So Close, But Yet So Far...

When I first saw this cover online, I put on a gray sweatsuit and a black ski cap, ran up a flight of stairs, and raised my arms triumphantly like Slyvester Stallone in Rocky. Then I found out that she was just doing the 20 Questions article. According to the New York Post:

"Can't wait to see Mariah Carey naked in Playboy? Sorry, you won't. The voluptuous singer is set to appear on the March cover, but she didn't pose nude. "They are outtakes from an album cover shoot," said an insider."

Talk about bait and switch. I guess it's gonna take the release of Glitter 2 for her to actually take it off. Please stop buying this woman's CDs. And if they ever let her make another movie, please ignore it. At least we'll always have this, the ultimate "this song sucks, so let me find the smallest shorts imaginable" video.

Outta There

It has been reported that CBS has pulled the reality show Armed and Famous, starring former wrestling champ Trish Stratus (above), from its schedule effective immediately (probably never to return). I guess it got slaughtered by going against American Idol and reruns of The Jeffersons. Too bad, I thought Trish made a good accounting of herself. I'm sure there will be other roles. As you could probably tell by now, this post was just an excuse to put up a picture of Trish Stratus.

Quick Notes on American Idol

Tuesday's show was an embarrassment to the Memphis educational system. I couldn't understand some of them. In that entire hour, there were about two good contestants... You knew New York would be a mess. There were a few good ones, but you knew the nutcases would be out in force. How come folks don't want to take "no" for an answer this year? Have some pride and walk out of the room with your head held high and face your humiliated family members with some dignity. Cut out all of that begging... For about 45 minutes, I thought the guest judge was Joan Collins... The girl who wanted them to teach her to sing might have been the craziest contestant in the history of the show-- and think of the ground that covers... I wanted to hate the "Rocky" girl, but then she chose one of my all-time favorites, Mary J's "Love No Limit" (which is impossible to sing) and she pulled it off... Simon did get one good line in when he told that last nutcase on the show "I don't think rational advice will apply". With that said, he is so damn smug and arrogant this year. It's time that someone dropped him off at the Arby's near my house at 3AM on a Saturday and let nature takes its course. He would be back three weeks later, bandaged and bruised, but 100 times more humble and helpful as hell.

Lockdown

Right on the heels of us being awarded the 2009 MLB All-Star game, now this:

"Total Nonstop Action (TNA) Wrestling announced today that “Lockdown 2007” will be held live at the Family Arena in St. Louis on April 15, airing exclusively on pay-per-view. TNA President Dixie Carter made the announcement tonight live on “The Stranglehold” radio show (KFNS 590 AM) in St. Louis. She also confirmed that the April weekend in St. Louis also will include an all-access chance to meet the stars of TNA at “TNA Fan Interaction," which puts the stars of TNA up close and personal with the fans for a once in a lifetime meet-and-greet opportunity.

"Lockdown" is unlike any other wrestling pay-per-view in that every match takes place inside TNA's infamous Six Sides of Steel, promising some of the most unforgettable moments of the year. The announcement comes on the heels of St. Louis Cardinals shortstop and World Series MVP David Eckstein announcing that “Team Eckstein” would battle "Team Pierzynski," led by Chicago White Sox catcher A.J. Pierzynski, on Feb. 11, at the “Against All Odds” pay-per-view in Orlando. Tickets for “Lockdown” will go on sale at 10 a.m. CT, Friday, February 16, at the Family Arena Box Office (2002 Arena Parkway, St. Charles, MO 63303), all Metrotix outlets, online at Metrotix.com or by calling (314) 534-1111.Several TNA stars will be in St. Louis for the on-sale event. Full details about the Feb. 16 autograph session will be available at www.TNAWrestling.com."

And with this, we have regained our status as the number one sports city in the nation.

Weekend Round-Up

News and notes from the past week:

Who had the worst week: Britney or Lindsay? Let's see:

Britney: Allegedly threw up on her new boyfriend (who was also pictured this week going on a K-Fedesque shopping spree). She also asked the NFL Network if she could appear at one of their Super Bowl functions but was turned down. It was reported that the NFL Network thought she was too much of a "trainwreck" and added "plus, we already have Paris Hilton" (oh HELL'S NO!). Now confirmed to be below Paris Hilton in the pecking order.

Lindsay- This young tramp reportedly was at a Golden Globes party and tried to get the attention of the guy who played the Green Goblin's son in Spider-Man. He was not havin' it. She was later seen passed out in the hallway of the Beverly Wilshire hotel. She was in rehab the next day. Her Mom then appeared on Entertainment Tonight. I didn't have the sound up, but I could tell she was whiny. And a skank.

"Winner": I think this is Lindsay's low point. It could only be funnier if that guy was wearing the Green Goblin mask when he was turning her down. I can just imagine her in that hallway, covered by an L.A. Times, dogs lifting their legs on her, and the cast of Flava of Love 2 walking by, looking down on her, saying "what a f***ing mess", and having a big laugh.

Other thoughts: 24 is still the best show on TV. Conversley, VH-1's The Surreal Life Fame Games is the saddest and most humiliating show, both for the cast and for anyone caught watching it. I would not dream of missing an episode. It is followed by the most contrived show on TV: Hogan Knows Best. I have had a long-time love/hate relationship regarding Hulk Hogan, personified this weekend when I bought the latest Hogan Classic Superstars figure, then watched the show this morning and spent 30 minutes thinking of which member of the cast I liked the least. Probably the mom. This week's episode was written about how daughter Brooke appeared on FHM Magazine to the "horror" of Daddy Hulk. Then Hulk and his son bought every copy in the stores around their house so no one would see it. Give me a break. In reality, he couldn't have been happier that she was on the cover of a national magazine. I like how she's said in the past that she doesn't want to use the family name to become a success. I would like to add that "Hogan" isn't even their real name; it's Bollea... Flashback song of the week: 1995's "Supa Star" by Group Home. Mid-90's underground East Coast hip hop its finest... Funniest rumor of the week: Sci-Fi's ECW is going to become an all-black wrestling show... Will somebody please beat the Patriots? Please!... Is Whitney Houston really dating Brandy's brother Ray-J? Unnnn, that's nasty, baby... Why would Total Nonstop Action Wrestling put A.J. Styles against Kurt Angle on free TV with no build-up? That would have been a heck of a pay-per-view match! I guess the wrestling companies don't want to make money anymore... Until later....