Weekend Wrap-Up

VH-1 has done it again. The new season of Celebrity Fit Club and Flava of Love: Charm School are GOLD. PURE GOLD. On week 2 of Fit Club, Screech tried to become the center of attention by discussing his sex tape, which of course grossed everyone out. Later he lost nine pounds, but claimed that he was still eating huge amount of junk food and not exercising, which of course was a lie. He was pissing everyone off. Da Brat verbally beat him down twice and he didn't even attempt a comeback. Well, until everyone had walked off, then he started talking all possible trash. The previews for next week showed the contestants seeing what he said about them, including calling sweet Kimberley (above) a "loser" because she finished third on American Idol. Then she BURIED him. It was an absolute BURIAL. I cannot wait for next week.

To add to all of that, Warren G (who did lose nine pounds) kept calling one of the advisors to ask if he could have fried chicken and cognac. Just classic.

That show was followed by Charm School and it may have actually topped Fit Club. Put a bunch of skanks who got cut from Flava of Love and put them in a house together to try to reform their ways. Whoever came up with the concept is a genius. It's one hour of pure cattiness. The show surprised me a little also because it only set the image of women back about 20 years. Not bad. Yesterday's episode revolved around the girls splitting into teams and trying to dress one member up for a fashion contest. They could only use materials that were found around the house. This resulted in the hilarious sight of one girl being dressed in curtains. The dress didn't have a back and of the girls said (with a straight face) that her back looked like "Twinkies and fat". She also had these ridiculous feathers on her eyes. This is the new greatest show of all-time.

I meant to go see "Stone Cold" Steve Austin in "The Condemned" this weekend-- then the reviews came in. I can't remember a movie in recent times that got such bad reviews. This is why WWE Films (yeah, there is such a thing) didn't release it's first two movies in advance for reviews. Good move. Their second movie, The Marine starring WWE Champ John Cena, was the worst movie that I've seen since Xanadu starring Olivia Newton John. The Condemned reportedly finished ninth for about four million dollars. Ouch. WWE hopes to make it up on DVD sales, which means in about two months we will have ten minutes of ads for this flop inserted into each wrestling show.


Locally, Channel Four and Channel Five have been trying to scare me to death, the networks have been running specials and new episodes, and Tyra Banks grabbed Rosie O'Donnell's boobs last week: I smell sweeps again! By the time November sweeps rolls around, I fully expect Tyra to be fondling Hillary Clinton's rack. Homegirl, is totally off the chain.

Idol Gives Back, Part Two

Sure it was depressing, but it was much better than I thought it would be. The eliminations really didn't seem all that important compared to the issues that were being presented. I mean, how can you care if Chris or Lakisa is being voted off after seeing the little kid that Ryan called the World's Hardest Working Father? It was a nice touch that they didn't cut anyone this week, but it hardly lived up to the "Most Shocking Results Ever!!!" hype. The non-cut did seem appropriate on this week though. Hated the all-white outfits. All the performances were very nice. The comedy was good most of the time, especially the "Staying Alive" and Simpsons skits. Celine and "Elvis" were okay. Glad to see that Kelly Clarkson and the show have patched up their differences. Was it me or was she looking a little healthier tonight?

Conspiracy theory: It sure seems that the producers and judges are kind of pushing Jordin, since they want a younger person to win this season (instead of like Taylor Hicks last year or perhaps Melinda this year). Very subtle things like positioning her last on Tuesday and out-of-nowhere praise like Randy saying that her song on Tuesday was among the best ever on the show (it was good, but it wouldn't even be in the top 20). Then last night they did the fake elimination where it looked like she was cut (nobody even bought it) and then came the waterworks. Now she might get the sympathy vote and ensure her safety for a couple of more weeks. Just a theory that I came up with during last night's Good Times.

Idol Gives Back, Part One

It's the heavily hyped "Idol Gives Back" Week, a special two-parter where money is being raised for charity. The songs are supposed to be inspirational or songs of hope. I will be grateful if we can just get through the night without hearing "God Bless The U.S.A.".

First up is Chris with the Eric Clapton/Babyface song "Change the World". Not bad, but it just made you want to hear the real version. Nice Timberlesque suit. The judges liked it.

This is like a whole different show without that goof that got voted off last week. What a relief. There is a more major league feel. Second is Melinda. I think she did a Faith Hill song. She nailed it of course. The judges ate it up. Ryan made note that Simon looked like he was missing a button. His shirt was unbuttoned like it was 1977. Blake was next. He did "Imagine" by John Lennon. If Madonna couldn't pull it off, I don't know why he thought he could. The song was a little ambitious for him. It was forgettable. The judges were lukewarm. Also he had his coat collar up and looked like an idiot.

It's Lakisha's turn. She better pick a good song this week. She chose "I Believe" by Fantasia. Hmmm. She managed to pull it off. It was good for second place thus far on tonight's show but it wasn't without flaws. The judges largely panned it, mostly because Fantasia sings it better. Uh oh.

Phil was next. Had to get in that mention of how much he missed his babies. He did a Garth Brooks song that had inspired him. He did a good job with it. With that said, how has he floated by this far into the competition? Jordin (above) closed the show with "Never Walk Alone". She nailed it. She is a legitimate frontrunner. Randy said it was one of the best performances ever on the show. I don't know about all that, but it certainly beat the hell out of last week's "Let Give Them Something To Talk About".

Either Chris or Lakisha will be gone this week. Tomorrow's two hour show should be nice and agonizing.

It's Officially Over

It took fifteen years and I hate to toot my own horn, but I TOLD YA SO! Well, me and about ten thousand other people told ya so. Bobby and Whitney are officially divorced. Sure, they gave it a good run and gave us a hell of a show, but it wasn't destined to last. I want to say thanks for all of the classic moments: the mug shots, the court appearances, that terrible duet song in the early 90's, the late night gas station stop, the picture of the dirty sink, the sweaty "crack is wack" interview, and the most embarrassing reality show in the history of man. Thanks for the memories you crazy kids.

On The Comeback Trail?

Do my eyes deceive me? Could it really be true? From the picture above, it does appear that Britney is back in shape-- and dare I say it-- almost looking respectable again! Who would have thought? Maybe it isn't over for her after all. Granted, she is still crazy as a pet coon (did you see her "valley girl" tapes last week?), but if she is hot again, we can cut her some slack. She might be on the road to the glory days again. Next thing you know, she will have a full head of hair again and will be putting out a new CD full of shitty, yet very catchy pop tunes. Stay tuned to see how this major development plays out.

Weekend Wrap-Up

Celebrity Fit Club, one of my favorite reality shows, returns tonight on VH-1. This time it's men vs. women. Among this season's cast is my favorite American Idol contestant of all-time Kimberley Locke (above), Marcia Brady, Jay Leno's goofy intern, and Screech from Saved By The Bell, who I heard was ultra-annoying on this show. That should help to boost his career prospects. E! News did an interview with Kimberley which apparently took place after the taping of the show and lets just say she was THE WINNER.

One of the young ladies (Kristine Lefebvre, above) from this season of The Apprentice that no one is watching has agreed to appear in Playboy. If it outsells the Carnie Wilson issue, I will be in shock.

Congratulations go out to Hazelwood's own Randy Orton, who according to about five different internet reports, was sent home early from the WWE European tour for disiplinary reasons. According to unconfirmed reports, he trashed a hotel room. Way to make us proud. I read a debate on one of the message boards about whether he would get fired or not. In my opinion, it's all up to how Vince McMahon feels about him. If he's fed up with the guy, he'll let him go. He's had about three or four chances to straighten up but apparently he can't behave like reasonable humans. If Orton should leave WWE, they won't make one dime more or one dime less in revenue. It's not like he would show up in TNA and just jumpstart that promotion either. If I was a gambling man, I would say he's gone. Well, he'll always have that one month title reign to tell his grandkids about.

In brighter news, I've been watching the Ric Flair and the Four Horsemen DVD that was recently released and it is fantastic. The Ole Anderson interviews are terrifying. Tully Blanchard is great as always. Even the section on the Paul Roma era was funny. To me, the greatest lineup of the Horsemen was Flair, Tully, Arn Anderson and Barry Windham (above, right). That's probably when I started cheering the bad guys. I remember after one show here in St. Louis (this had to be around 1988) my friend Geoff and I stopped at the Marriott by the airport where we knew all the wrestlers stayed. After we had gotten some autographs and were leaving, a big limo pulled up and Flair, Windham and some high class broads popped out. Flair announced "Ladybugs, we made it!" The chauffeur brought out all Louis Vuitton luggage out of the trunk. They really did live that lifestyle. It was unreal. Geoff went up to them and they graciously autographed his Four Horsemen hat. I stayed hiding behind some bushes. I didn't want to be the next victim of a parking lot attack like Lex Luger and Dusty Rhodes. I had issues. Ahhh, the memories. If you are a wrestling fan, by all means, get this DVD.

And What Ya Gonna Do When BaldwinMania Goes Wild On YOU?

Did you hear that telephone rant that Alec Baldwin left for his eleven year old daughter? I saw it halfway through on TV and I thought he was cutting an old school wrestling interview. By the time he got to the line "you better be ready, Friday the 20th, to meet me" I was wondering how much the ticket prices were going to be. The rant would have been fine if he was vowing revenge on an ex-tag team partner or something, but I just couldn't believe he said all of that to an eleven year old girl. Your boy is off the chain. How is he ever going to go on Saturday Night Live again after this?

A lot of people are putting the blame on his ex-wife Kim Basinger for making the tape public. But you can't blame her-- after all, she was in Batman. And I like Batman. And even though she knew that Bruce Wayne was Batman, she didn't reveal it to anyone. So she can't be all bad.