The World's Shortest Oscar Review

I don't usually watch the Oscars because they never feature the movies that I watch. I don't think I've seen an Oscar nominated film since On Golden Pond-- and I was forced to go see that because there was no babysitter. I think I've only seen one Oscars telecast in its entirety and that was the year that Halle and Denzel won. Gee, I wonder why I watched that year. It's the same old stuff every year: the red carpet stuff with Joan and Melissa, highlight clips featuring such "classic" moments as that idiot walking over the rows of chairs to get to the stage, some lame opening musical skit, awards for a bunch of art films and documentaries that I never heard of, then four hours later-- BEST MOVIE! So I just caught bits and pieces. The highlights (from the bits that I saw):

- I thought Ellen did well as a host. Most of the skits hit the mark.
- It was good to see Jennifer Hudson win for Best Supporting Actress. They kept cutting to Beyonce and her dad and you knew it was tearing his crazy ass apart. Beyonce did well in keeping up with the others during the musical skit. She ain't no lightweight!
- What was the last successful project that Jennifer Lopez was involved in? Hell, what was the last project that she was involved in?
- Cameron Diaz looked surprisingly human tonight. This was the best she's looked since The Mask.
- Worst dressed: Quincy Jones. I only saw it for a few seconds, but it was some type of silk robe thing. It was dangerously flirting with Admiral Outfit territory. Let's keep an eye on this brother.
- They didn't give any awards to the movies that I saw last year. Would it really have hurt to nominate The Rock for Gridiron Gang or That Guy for Superman?
- Can't wait for all of those Norbit nominations next year.

American Idol Controversy!

Every season you can count on American Idol to deliver certain things: annoying contestants, unhelpful critiques from Paula Abdul and at least one major scandal. This season's scandal may belong to contestant Antonella Barba, better known on this page as "Eva Mendez' Younger Sister". She was the girl who sang Aerosmith's "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing" on Wednesday's show and was dissed by all of the judges. Somehow she still advanced to the next round. Now we may now why. This week photos of Miss Barba have surfaced on the internet showing her in various stages of undress, making obscene gestures and even on the toilet. Even more damaging is a set of photos that might be her performing a sexual act. Now since this is a family website, unfortunately I can't elaborate. If she gets kicked off the show, that would really suck. Dick Cheney himself probably couldn't stop this! A scandal like this could really be a big blow. Jobs in the entertainment industry are tough to come by, so this could be a real setback. I was so depressed that I just sat around all day eating pizza until I had my fill. Ate two of 'em in fact. I have a bad feeling that on Tuesday's show, this may all come to a head.

Friday Ramblings

Congratulations to St. Louis icon and one of Hollywood Nation's favorite people, Karen Foss, on her new job. I guess now might be the time to get the light bill out of my baby cousin's name... No really big surprises on Idol last night. I was mildly surprised that the girl who sang "I Don't Want to Miss A Thing" didn't go, but we are still in the rounds where looks can get you to the next round. I swear that I didn't even remember the second girl who got cut. I CANNOT wait for J-Lo week. What in the world is she going to teach them? Please don't tell me that they are going to sing her songs that week too. I can't even remember her songs. I remember the videos, but I can't remember the songs. Maybe it will be Lightweight Songs week or something ... As of this moment, Britney is back in rehab. This time she better stay in or she might lose custody of the kids-- to Kevin Federline. Who would have ever guessed he would have emerged as the better parent? As radio host Jim Rome put it though, it's like saying the Kansas City Royals are better than the Pittsburgh Pirates. The photos of Britney attacking the paparazzi's van with an umbrella were priceless. She looked like a hairless Triple H. She may want to cut back on the meth about 300%... Donald Trump will put his hair on the line against WWE owner Vince McMahon's at this year's WrestleMania on April 1st. McMahon will be represented by The Samoan Bulldozer, Umaga, and sources indicate that Trump will be choosing ECW Champion Bobby Lashley to represent him. I could look like that guy, but I would have to give up soda. Conspiracy Theory: Everyone thinks it will be Vince who has his head shaved, but suppose it's Trump? Maybe he was going to get a haircut anyway and this was the best way to publicize it. Plus he loves any kind of press and something like this would get him on Entertainment Tonight for a week! I'd rather see Trump on there though rather than Howard K. Stern and his fake crying ass for twenty minutes each night.

Idol Thoughts

The guys were so lackluster, I didn't want to waste a whole post on them. I can't believe that someone even broke out "Knights in White Satin". Nobody really stepped up to where I was like "Aw, this is the man!". A couple of guys did well, but for the most part they were forgettable. One note: somebody get Sanjaya in touch with Britney so he can get that mop off of his head. Who's gonna win it this year: I'm going to go out on a limb here and say it will be-- a generic white guy! Also, please GET RID OF PAULA ABDUL! I will only make this complaint about 20 more times this season.

The girls were much better. One piece of advice: Kids, ya gotta let Aretha, Stevie and Whitney go! You ain't ready for those songs. Hell, sometimes Stevie wakes up these days and probably says "Damn, I can't handle that Stevie today!" Here is my rundown of the girls:

1. Stephanie: She brought it! She set the pace for the night. Reminded me that I hadn't heard Prince's "How Come You Don't Call Me Anymore" since parachute pants and Beat It jackets were in style.

2. Amy: Killed the momentum of the show at the second performance.

3. Leslie: Are those... HOOKER BOOTS! Right on the American Idol stage? Wow! Incredible. Please don't vote her off (although she was dreadful). She could be this season's Kimberly Caldwell.

4. Sabrina: The Mya lookalike. Good job. She had good stage presense. Will need to step it up to hang with the big girls.

5. Eva Mendez' younger sister- It wasn't a bad rendition of "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing" but it wasn't good enough to keep her off this week's chopping block.

6. Jordin- nice rendition of Tracy Chapman's "Give Me One Reason". Excellent choice. She may float to number five or six.

7. Nicole: Chaka Kahn? Oh hells no! It was all wrong. She chose Chaka Kahn and Chaka Kahn took her ass right out of this competition. She may advance-- if every memeber of her extended family calls 1000 times.

8. Haley: Simon hilariously said that it sounded like something you might hear at a hotel. I say maybe even a motel. Nice how she just totally blew off the advice they gave her.

9. Melinda: She was my pick to win it. And she brought it. Probably will make it to number two, before getting beat by Haley the Hotel Lounge singer in the finals.

10. Alania: The pizza girl. She chopped up The Pretender's "Brass In Pocket" ("Middle of the Road" would have been more fitting). She just unravled as the song went along. I didn't like it. I do like pizza though.

11. Gina: Who let her on this show? She did NOT hit that note (as was pointed out later by Simon). If it wasn't for the forgettable girls at the top of the show, she would be in big trouble.

12. Lakisha: When they said she was going to do "And I Am Telling You", I thought to myself "Oh hell no!" That's like the worst possible choice right now because of the comparisons to Jennifer Hudson. She just simply tore it up. Wow! It was like she was on a different show than the rest of the girls. It would have even been better if they hadn't chopped the song up to fit a minute and a half. She's the one to beat.

Overall, it was a really good show from the excellent performances to the denial to the slutty fashion choices. It was funny watching the recap at the end and saying to myself "Oh, you poor thing" about eight times. From the guys, hopefully The Goatee and the annoying Shoeless Boy are going home. From the girls: probably Amy and unfortunately Hooker Boots. We'll see tomorrow.

Britney/Firecrotch Update

First the good news. According to several reports, after much urging from her family and friends, Britney Spears has entered a rehab center in Los Angeles. Thank goodness. Hopefully this isn't one of those one day stints or one of those facilities where she can leave every night and then come back the next morning after spending the night drinking a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon. (Update: She already left!).

And speaking of which, Lindsay "Firecrotch" Lohan completed her 30 day stint in rehab (where it seemed like she was on the outside more than she was in). And how did she celebrate? By showing up to a movie set on time and being a model professional? Nope. By lecturing young girls about the dangers of alcohol and drugs? Hells no. By going out clubbing three nights in a row at the local hotspots? Ding, ding, ding! Because what better place to go for a recovering substance abuser than a Los Angeles nightclub? I guess the rehab didn't take. That's just great; now somebody better be on the lookout to keep the clippers out of this tramp's hands too.

More Pictures From Lockdown's First Day Ticket Sales

More pictures from Friday at the Family Arena in St. Charles with "Showtime" Eric Young and Christy Hemme of Total Nonstop Action Wrestling.

Mike Alfonso a.k.a. Mike Awesome, 1965-2007

From wrestlingobserver.com:

"Mike Alfonso, better known as Mike Awesome, was found dead on Saturday evening in the Tampa area according to those close to the family. He was 42. Friends were coming to his home in Tampa to pick him up and go out Saturday night at about 10:30 p.m. and he never answered the door and found him hanging in the home. It is believed the death was due to suicide pending results of the autopsy.

Mike Awesome was one of the top foreign stars in FMW in Japan, who as a high-flying big man was made ECW champion on two occasions in 1999 and 2000. He worked for a few months with WWF after the collapse of WCW, as well as with All Japan, but had not wrestled in some time. He was working as a realtor at Coldwell Banker at the time of his death."