Weekend Wrap-Up

It has been reported that Salma Hayek (top) is not only pregnant but she is also engaged. Um, this won't exactly do wonders for our relationship. See, if she would have just been patient, I was only a couple of years away from asking her if she wanted to go out for a snow cone or something. But there's only so much I'm going to put up with. Do you know that I even actually sat through one of her movies one time? Well, actually that might have been Penelope Cruz now that I think about it, but still. According to zap2it.com, her fiance's name is Francois-Henri Pinault and he is "the CEO of PPR, a luxury goods firm that owns Gucci, Yves Saint Laurent, Stella McCartney, Balenciaga, a french department store and national music chain". Aw, c'mon man! Now how am I supposed to compete with that? And how in the world does someone own Stella McCartney? Salma, consider yourself kicked to the curb!

WWE Diva Ashley Massaro will be on the cover of the April edition of Playboy, which would be a bigger deal if 1) anybody knew who she was and 2) if she hadn't already posed for them a couple of years ago under a different name. She has recently done autograph signings in different cities, including the one in the second photo above, where someone was thoughtful enough to bring their kid along-- to a Playboy signing. Ladies and Gentlemen, once again, I present to you: Wrestling Fans!!!

I guess everyone is happy now that this year's bad guy, Antonella Barba, was voted off American Idol. I will miss the controversy, but she was so bad that she had to go. Maybe now she can go on a national tour, posing in different fountains around the country. Can you imagine: "Antonella Barba appearing live in the Kiener Plaza Fountain in downtown St. Louis Friday evening at 7PM!" They would have to shut the streets down. She can forget about a singing career though. She might as well take that offer from Girls Gone Wild while it is still on the table. As it is, the girl is only two years away from appearing in Barely Legal Magazine and doing porn with real lighting. You better grab that cash now!

(As I am writing this, I am listening to Wrestling Observer Live. A guy just called in to ask "When was the last time someone wrestled an animal?". I present to you once again: Wrestling Fans!)

The "Big Cat" Ernie Ladd passed away this weekend. After he finished playing in the NFL, he also had a successful career in wrestling. He was a little bit before my time so I never got to see him wrestle except for a few old clips, but I always read about him. He was one of the first blacks to work behind the scenes in the front office of a wrestling company, first for Mid-South Wrestling (my favorite league as a kid) and then for the World Wrestling Federation. He is also a member of the WWE Hall of Fame. He died at the age of 68 from cancer. It almost seems like a rarity when a wrestler makes it over the age of 50.

As I posted earlier, wrestler Bad News Brown also died last week. He was also a judo champion and was known as a legitimate tough guy. He was involved in one of the legendary stories of wrestling that I've heard a few times. As the story goes, the wrestlers were overseas somewhere and traveling on a tour bus. Andre The Giant (one of the biggest and strongest wrestlers who nobody would mess with in those days) was telling some racial jokes and Brown took offense to it and was ready to fight. He told the bus driver to stop the bus and challenged Andre to get off the bus and fight him. Andre wanted no part of it and wouldn't get out. He ended up apologizing. Brown later said something to the effect of he didn't know if he could beat up Andre, but he was going to find out. The funniest part of the story was that when Brown was preparing to fight, he took off the earrings that he often wore and reached to put them in his gym bag. When he reached into the bag, Hulk Hogan's scary ass thought Brown was reaching for a gun so he jumped and hid under a seat.

Allen Coage a.k.a. Bad News Brown, 1943-2007

From pwtorch.com:

Bad News Allen (Coage), who wrestled in the WWF in the late 1980s as Bad News Brown, died (Tuesday) morning of a heart attack. He was 63. He earned his rep as a good worker and excellent heel in Japan and Calgary Stampede Wrestling before his WWF stint. In the WWF, he feuded with Bret Hart and Hulk Hogan in headline matches. He did not wrestle in recent years. In the 1970s, he became the first American to win a medal in judo at the Summer Olympics, which were held in Japan at that time. Funeral arrangements are pending and services expected to take place next week.

Idol Thoughts

If we could only move Paula off of this show and on to something more fun-- like HBO's The Cathouse. Anyway, it was more of the same this week. The top spot for the guys is there for the taking, yet no one has stepped up with a really blow-away performance. This week's pre-performance gimmick was finding out what the contestant's secret talents were, which led to countless minutes of lame comedy. For instance, The Beatbox guy lost cool points for revealing that he makes up different characters. Can you imagine a grown man sitting around inventing a different persona and name for himself? Oh. Yeah, that's right-- nothing wrong with that! The judges liked his song, but Hollywood, I mean, I didn't really care for it. And still he was just about the best of the night. Sonjaya became the first contestant to actually out himself on a live show between him doing the hula dance and his soft rendition of a John Mayer song. This guy makes Clay Aiken look like Scott Steiner. Sundance's crying ass should be sent home after that horrible performance of Pearl Jam's "Jeremy". Everyone else was bland. I fell asleep on the last two guys, but I will assume they were average too.

The girl's night was more exciting as usual. Jordin perhaps jinxed herself by wearing a jersey of perennial losers, the Arizona Cardinals in her Secret Talents video. "Hearbreaker" was a good change of pace for her, but I never want to her Pat Benatar again. The star of the show and future Showtime After Hours star Antonella was up early; I thought they would save her for last for ratings. Her secret talent was writhing around in memorial fountains. Her performance was serviceable. I'm sure she'll advance another week. I'm glad Simon at least acknowledged the controversy. We're all adults, let's not pretend it didn't happen. Haley did a lackluster country song and Simon said he didn't even know her name. Had I not checked the American Idol website, I wouldn't either. Once again, it was between Lakisha and Melinda for the top spot. You just know they won't be the final two. Enjoy it while it lasts. I have to go with Melinda again this week, just by a fraction. It really will come down to which of them performs last. Can't wait for tonight to see four more cut and to sleep through Carrie Underwood. Maybe the big announcement is that they are bringing back Frenchie. And William Hung.

This Ain't Exactly The March on Washington

According to several reports, there will be a protest against American Idol tonight outside of the Kodak Theatre in Los Angeles. They are protesting the fact that Antonella Barba (above) got to stay on the show when racy photos of her rolling around in a World War II fountain appeared, but former contestant Frenchie Davis was booted a couple of years ago when photos of her from a porn site surfaced (Frenchie is black and Antonella I believe is 1/3 Italian, 1/3 white, and 1/3 New Jersey Skank). The protest is being led by the same guy who organized a protest against Eddie Murphy's film Norbit, because he said it contained a negative portrayal of black women. What a rousing success that was as Norbit went on to become the number one movie in America two weeks in a row (although it surely sucked). Glad to see that more pressing issues such as unemployment, education, homelessness and Jermaine Jackson's unexplainable hair have been pushed aside so that we can concentrate on the important matters at hand-- like protesting a karaoke contest. Good work!

Weekend Wrap-Up

On Friday night, I caught a bit of the NAACP Image Awards on Fox. In perhaps the bonehead move of the year, this organization actually gave an IMAGE AWARD to Isiah Washington! (It was for Best Actor in a Drama). Yes, that Isiah Washington, the guy best known for using a slur against another minority group. What, Tim Hardaway wasn't available? And I don't want to hear them crying next year when the Emmys present Michael Richards with a humanitarian award. You know who should feel really bad? The people in the same category who got nominated for an IMAGE award and lost to Isiah Washington! I mean, damn, did they throw their grandmother down the stairs or something? Just idiotic all around. Who were the dummies that actually filled out ballots and said to themselves "Now, which of these guys projects the most positive image of the black community? Hey, how about that Isiah Washington!" Was there just no one else it could have gone to? Flavor Flav? 50 Cent? A dog? To make matters worse, except for the lifetime achievement winners, most of the winners got their speeches cut off by music after about 20 seconds. Even Forrest Whittaker, that guy who won some big award last Sunday, got cut off. It was unreal. Also, they had a 15 minute segment to give a humanitarian award to-- Bono of U2! Don't get me wrong, I've been down with U2 since the early 80's and Bono surely deserves it because he goes out and gets involved to make a change, but it was just weird ending the NAACP show with a long segment dedicated to an Irish guy. He did give a great speech, hit on Tyra Banks and one of the models, and had everyone on their feet by the end. Prince was great also, as he accepted an award and then talked about how lawyers and accountants ruined the music industry. It was fanastic.

On Monday's edition of WWE Raw, Donald Trump did indeed select Bobby Lashley (pictured above, top) to represent him in the hair vs. hair match against WWE owner Vince McMahon (represented by Umaga) at WrestleMania 23 on April 1st. In a radio interview on the Don Imus Show, Trump referred to Lashley as "Lindsey" and described him as "a large black gentleman". Wow. It's 1952. "Large black gentleman" just sounds like he's about to lift a car by himself or do some sharecropping.

I saw two disturbing segments of the Tyra Banks Show this week: On one clip, her audience had on swimsuits with their weight written on them and she was going out and encouraging them to do crazy things like going into the frozen food aisle at the grocery store and tell strangers their weight. Bad idea. In the other clip, she fondled American Idol runner-up Katharine McPhee's boobs to see if they were real. Tyra said they were "jiggly and soft". Imagine that! Tyra is off the chain. Just another step closer to reaching her goal of being known as "The Crazy Oprah".

And before it's too late, by unanimous decision, Hollywood Nation has voted Jennifer Love Hewitt as the best dressed at this year's Oscars (picture #3 above). I have no idea if that was even really taken at the Oscars; it could have been taken at the Hardee's on Lilac Street for all I care. They need to get her booked on the Tyra Banks Show, pronto. Holla!

Idol Results

There's something really different about Kellie Pickler from when she appeared on American Idol last season. The singing voice? Not really. Her wardrobe? I don't think that's it. The hefty boob job? Hmmm, maybe that's it. She was almost tolerable there for a second. Someone asked about her hairstyle; I didn't even realize that she had a head until about two minutes in. Of course the annoying voice is still there, along with the "I'm like a hick version of Jessica Simpson" act. The scripted spiders and sushi lines with Ryan Seacrest were unbearable. I can't wait for her sitcom. I wonder if her Dad is out of jail yet.

As for the show, there was only one real surprise cut: AJ. I guess he just got lost in the shuffle. I thought his goodbye performance was better than anybody's performance on Tuesday's show. I felt bad for all of the people who got cut, especially the girls, since they seemed so crushed. They shouldn't make people go out and sing right after their dream has been smashed. I imagine that might be a bit difficult. Poor Pizza Girl. Sure she was bad, but Antonella should have gone before her. I'm sure they'll keep her on for awhile because every show needs a good villian (this show is as fixed as wrestling). How in the world did Sanjaya survive? I thought he was about to cry. As it was, he did pout very hard. And, oh, has Sundance stopped crying yet? Well, we're down to 16. I hope next week will be a good theme week like Ike Turner Week or something.

Idol Thoughts

Who was the fool that put the season premiere of America's Top Model up against American Idol: Girls Night? Since I didn't get to see much of Tyra's show, at least now I can look at her on this post. By the way, she is becoming a notch more insane with each passing sweeps period. I knew that talk show would drive her over the edge. Anyway...

I guess the big story is that Antonella Barba was not booted after racy photos of her appeared on the internet last week. On Tuesday, a friend of hers came forward and said that the first set of photos that appeared were Antonella but the more explicit photos that showed up later were not her. So let me get this straight: the lighthearted photos of her taking a dump (although honestly, it was very tastefully done), rolling around in a public fountain and wearing a slutty witch costume were definately her. Thanks for clearing that up. See, she's just a misunderstood, little shy girl from New Jersey! I can't believe you people jumped to conclusions.

The Guys did better this week, but once again, no one just ovewhelmed me. Nick was okay with "Fever" but fell apart at the end. The curly haired guy was aiight. The Timberlake Wannabe is all over my nerves. The guy who sang "Let's Get It On" is going to be the next guy to appear on 20/20 describing what Paula Abdul's living room looks like. I can't stand when Paula stands up and dances to a song. Sanjaya was atrocious. Plus he was so soft that he should have performed with the rest of the girls on Wednesday.

And speaking of girls, they were better once again. I thought that they finished in about the same order as they did last week, except I thought Melinda the Career Backup Singer topped Latisha this week. There were a lot of fashion disasters this week, from Latisha's short skirt to Internet Queen's 60's dress to Leslie's bag lady look (what, no hooker boots this week?). Leave it to the Internet Queen to be the first to pull the "You Were Wrong About Jennifer Hudson" card. Simon was ready with his prepared answer that he had been getting together since November. She's awful. I'm tired of looking at Gina. Poor Pizza Girl was so awful that she immediately got the "But you look great" speech right off the bat. I liked Stephanie's inspirational story of how her parents pretty much forced her to audition for the show. You could tell her Dad was counting the money and getting fitted for an Admiral suit already. Some broad actually busted out Whitney's "Queen of the Night" from The Bodyguard. Just brutal. Here are my picks for who should go packing tonight:

1. The Queen of the Night
2. The Queen of the Internet
3. Queen Sanjaya
4. The hideous shirt that Randy wore on Wednesday.